Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Drug Fueled Sex Games (activity leading to murder)

During the past few years, a shadow has covered the world of drug fueled sex games because of the murder of a young British woman in an Italian villa by Amanda Knox, an American student and her lover, Raffaelle Sollecito, and a drifter from the Ivory Coast named Rudy.
A couple, a roommate and a drifter. Now this seems like a regular drug fueled sex game to me. Nothing terribly out of the ordinary. How could this lead to murder?
I will be the first to admit that a drifter is always a wild card.
So here is a quick guide to drug fueled sex games:
Rule number 1:
No drifters at the house.
Listen, I like strange African men as much as any college girl living abroad, but save it for the bar bathrooms. We all know they have the best drugs AND diamonds around, so be sure to talk to them, but keep your activities to oral, and keep your games to Futbol.
An Ivory Coastian will never turn down heroine soccer blowjobs in a spring break barroom setting.
Rule number 2:
Know your games.
Don't let these men take advantage of the games just because they are more competitive. If it's your time to spin the wheel or roll the dice, don't let that jerk stand in your way! Some simple things you can do to make sure you get a fair shake...
Make sure the board rolls go counter clockwise and always stay in your same spot. I know this can be challenging when a vibrant game of Anal Chutes and Ladders is on the line, but be sure to always return to the same spot and be vocal about it if need be!
Rule number 3:
Make your guests feel welcome.
Is this a drug fueled sex game party or a wake?
Get out there and PLAN AHEAD. I can't stress this strongly enough. Do a little shopping, and remember that your first chance to set the mood is with the invitations, so don't skimp.
Otherwise, you might as well just go get fingerblasted at the OTB.
Rule number 4:
Savvy drug picking.
What drug best fits your party?
Are we playing Balderdash and kissing or are we playing Win, Lose or Draw and digging up corpses?
Put some real thought into what you are looking for.
For example, when my wife and I want to have the neighbors over for a jigsaw puzzle, I get the best Colombian Yayo I can find.
If it's just me and the boys playing DickTag, I will probably lean more towards a clean Chardonnay.
I know my family sometimes likes to just smoke a joint watch the Cubs and touch boobs, AND THAT'S OK TOO.
This is your party so get out there and really throw your spunk all over it!
Now the final and most important rule:
Rule number 5:
Always keep on your shoes.
I can't tell you how many horror stories I've heard about people getting jizm in a foot wound, or having a toe in the box when you least expect it.
These are the things I can tell you that I've learned, and with these simple 5 rules, you can throw a drug fueled sex game that no one is soon to forget!


-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach


  1. God Damn- I'm all set. Thank you for this vibrant review Anderson. I can feel safe next time I'm playing an arousing game of Settlers of Catan: Anal Expansion with the neighboorhood kids.

    Laughed so hard my anal dice fell out.

  2. ...And that's ok too and the drifter was a wild card. perfecto.