The Magic Bullet System (amazing blender)

I've used so many blenders. So many. Big ones and silver ones and ones that were specifically for margaritas. I thought I was blended out. But then I saw this little buttplug of a blending SYSTEM and my life changed. Not much, but it did.

The Magic Bullet is a silver device that's no bigger than a coffee cup, but bigger is a relative term. Used for relativity. It's a blender, but it does so many things. I blended up a smoothie, an alfredo sauce, some paint, a t-bone steak, T-Bone Burnett's hair, jelly, a Blaupunkt car stereo, and deer eyes. Within 35 seconds, I had a full meal in my bell-bells and a workman's comp form filled out.

The Magic Bullet (named for what assassinated Kennedy...which is ballsy of Homeland Housewares, which is a division of Homeland Security...wait...what the hell do they have to do with this? Answer: MORE THAN YOU THINK.) comes with items that make your life easy. My favorite is the Shaker Top. You can grind up hard cheeses or salt cubes or something, and screw on the Shaker Top and shake it over your pasta or your eyes. This is a common feature.

All in all, this blender will replace everything in your kitchen and bathroom, and you'll be drinking healthy sauces for the rest of your life which is pretty short. Think about a blender.

It's imperative.
-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer