You may have seen our blog yesterday if you keep up with what PerformInk online calls "one of the funniest hunks of virtual real estate in the local theatre blogosphere," or whatever the hell that lady just called us.
Anderson
We posted an article about a young lady named Prawn Milson. A woman full of rage and hate and despair and strife.
Eric
We were only providing a public service to Prawn, and angry people like her. If you are going to post in public, the public might read it. This is why terrorists don't blog. Or blog very well, I should say. It's always 70 virgins this and Death to the Infidels that. Boring.
Anderson
Well, after our initial post, bringing attention to her initial post, everyone posted and it got out of hand. People were stockpiling virtual messages of hate for poor, angry Prawn. After some consideration, we decided to start a new blog entitled: www.prawnmilsonshoulddieinafire.blogspot.com
Eric
But then, Google called us and said that blog name was illegal and they would dropkick us through a wormhole if we tried to use it, which I know they can do, because they're Google, man.
Anderson
They are fucking Google, man. The Mary Arrchie of computers.
Eric
God, let's just stop talking about them...too creepy. So, we decided that the next best thing would be to meet up with the angrily tattooed Prawn for a tete-a-tete.
Anderson
Our journalistic sensibilities took over. We had to know why she was so mad at us. The people that made her that way. What did we do to deserve her unadulterated venom and tears? When we arrived, I was expecting to meet a weirdo, but what I found was quite the opposite. It was a person wearing all black, covered in tattoos, playing a didgeridoo.
Eric
I usually dislike didgeridoo, but I have to admit she has style on the pipe. At first, things were a little tense. I mean, we did force her into the spotlight of a cold and uncaring and VERY cruel world.
Anderson
She stood up and PUNCHED Eric with the force of a bitter 24 year old! I couldn't believe it!
Eric
I dropped like a bag of flour. Lady has arms! Felt like Chuck Wepner in the 4th round.
Anderson
You were still pretty good looking, actually.
Eric
Thanks, I just have to remember to keep the guard up and toe-in.
Anderson
Well, I thought she was just having a "lady day" because she immediately apologized. What was this thing? Doing something terrible and apologizing right afterwards?
Eric
I know! This phenomenon blows my mind. Usually when I do terrible things I get a record contract.
Anderson
I just get the punch in the face.
Anyway, we decided to put it behind us and sit down. We needed to learn about this mythical beast. The Prawn Milson.
Eric
The first thing I learned was "Dang, she's a cutie!"
Anderson
She offered to buy us drinks, which was so nice. Eric had the Pale Ale, whilst I had a Shirley Temple. Her disposition was wonderful.
Eric
She couldn't be nicer, guys. We talked about the internet, and soccer, and cheeseburgers!
Anderson
She likes all the same things we do! She talked about how work sucked and cigarettes were hard to quit. We talked about her cool glasses and how to pick a lock.
Eric
I actually was pretty fascinated by her job! Do you guys know how hard it is to be a stage manager? Probably not, because you're actors. It's REALLY hard. They have to clean up toothpaste, while you go to the bar and try to get recognized!
Anderson
I was starting to see the error of our ways. Could it be that she knew the behaviors we exhibited would not be respectable in normal life? Did she think she understood what we go through as actors? How we have to learn lines and talk to each other and maybe kiss each other? Eric tried to walk the conversation over to the issue of "Cherrywood" a play at Mary Arrchie Theatre Company that she had bad mouthed.
Eric
Listen, we all know that "Cherrywood" is going to be the best play of the year and probably start a revolution in theatre. She's gonna see it, guys. Everyone is, come on!
Anderson
But then, while I was talking, and verrry quietly, she brought out "the book." "The Book" is the unwritten book of laws created for the Chicago Theatre Community written by Rich Cotovsky with a forward by Lance Baker.
Eric
OMG, I can't believe we're gonna write about this!
Anderson
She slowly turned to Chapter 7: Stage Managers and she read aloud from this unwritten book that we all follow, but is sold out on Amazon.com so don't try to look for it…and it states:
"Every Stage Manager is allowed one time to act like an idiot and is to be granted by the community as a whole immediate forgiveness."
Eric
It's in The Book, people. Sometimes being a Stage Manager, working at Aldi, having tattoos, and dealing with actors can make you want to tunnel through the earth and use your mutant nuclear abilities to cause a singularity and destroy the entire 3rd dimension.
Anderson
Unfortunately she didn't read the part in chapter 9 that says actors are afforded nine times to act like idiots. So while she used her time up, we still have a few times left. Well, not me so much, but most of you.
Eric
Yeah, so fuck you Bob Falls! 6 more times left for me!
Anderson
We decided to hug and go our separate ways, never to meet again, but when the moon is very clear, and the darkness is calling you to a certain star in the sky...that star is Prawn Milson, and she is bright.
