The North Plan (Theater Wit)

Buddeke and Stark look to Lucy Sandy for guidance on sweater fashion

One thing you notice when you arrive at virtually any Chicago Theater is that all companies try to stick to their own genres.

Genres are things that can really help you to find an audience. For example, there are companies that only do Irish plays, Horror plays, plays about food, plays about America, plays about families, plays about Middle Eastern people, plays by one playwright, plays for black people, plays for white people (most theatre companies do plays exclusively for white people), and plays about birds.

So, if I am just a regular guy who loves birds and I don't see a lot of theatre, I might go see this play at Bird Ensemble.

The point is, it takes a lot of nuts and balls and guts and heart to do a play without the safety net of a single genre, because you don't know where your audience is going to come from.

Well, that is exactly what Theater Wit has done with "The North Plan". They have taken their love of every genre ever made and put them all into a single 90 minute play that is sure to delight and inspire you to murder a police officer.

*Note: In my description of this play, I will include the correct genre by the appropriate plot point.

Tanya, a crazy redneck on her way to work, has been arrested for turning herself in for drunken driving (Hillbilly Comedy). She has a long talk with the black lady assistant about her struggle (Civil Rights Drama), and the Sheriff (Small Town Melodrama). Next into the holding cell is Carlton. He doesn't like Tanya because she is loud and obnoxious (Prison Friendship/ Unlikely Partner) but he needs her help because he is talking about how the government has taken over and put the country under martial law. He has a list of some thing or another (Conspiracy Theory), but the Sheriff informs him that unknown officers are coming to collect him and it is important that his name doesn't enter the police system (Existentialism). So he tells Tanya that he needs her help. She makes a sexual advance on him (Romantic Comedy) and he informs her that he is a Gay Jew (Woody Allen).
2 Detectives arrive (Buddy Cop) and rough Carlton up (Torture Porn) telling him that they need the list (Interrogation). Tanya gets out and returns (Mistaken Identity) and there is some hiding (Farce) and then some shooting in the Police Station (Western) which leads to a dramatic conclusion (Yosemite Sam Cartoon).

The performers understand the hefty task they have recognizing and performing in all of these genres and do so with elegant grace and style.

3 performances stand out in my mind as perfect examples of how to just go with it!

Kate Buddeke, as usual, gives her all as a hopeless and unlikeable hick with a heart of oil. See, here's the secret: When the play starts, you think she is a jerk, and when it ends...you still think she is a jerk. She is just a jerk for different reasons. Buddeke herself seems very likable in real life, so get off her back, everybody.

In Chicago, we hold our great male actors up on pedestals, and there is one man that stands at the top of the pedestal with aplomb and a disdain for media types. You will never see him give an interview because he is pure art, You cannot interview art. All you can do is watch and wonder what that art means, and then you can discuss the art over coffee when you leave the museum. In this case, that art's name is Kevin Stark. Stark shines brightly in the winter of our theatrical landscape. A star with a mustache and sex appeal that every generation cannot deny. Your daughters and sons from Bronzeville to West Rogers Park are revering him with posters and chat rooms devoted to his whereabouts and favorite things.
Stark portrays the cagey Carlton and works off of Buddeke magnificently. He treats her with both mercy and respect, intertwined with bouts of confusion and anger.

The last and certainly greatest actor to emerge in Chicago in the last 5 years is Tom Hickey. Hickey has a small but important role and, as always, steals the show and puts it into his duffel bag that he always carries with him. If you ever have an opportunity to meet Tom Hickey, he will undoubtedly be holding his trusty duffel bag and when you ask him what is inside, he won't answer you. He will probably change the subject to the weather or a recent film, but you will know that inside that duffel bag, is the show he has just stolen from everyone and he is going to take it home and impregnate that show.

Applause to Kimberly Senior and Theater Wit for directing and producing this show that, in any other hands, would have been confined to a singular genre, and the magic would be gone.

I loved every rootin-tootin second of it!!!

A+


-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

What To Make Of All These "Slut" Comments (Theories)

While we were talking this morning, the subject came around to the recent Rush Limbaugh comments painting a 30 year old college girl as a “Slut” and the news that Snooki has gone up and got herself engaged. We discussed what it means to be a slut, what it means to be a man, and what we can do about it.
 

Here is our unedited conversation.

We've seen way too much of Snooki...where are the salacious details and dirty pictures of our friends? I'm getting sick of pics of Kate Upton and Megan Fox, why won't all the girls I know on Facebook get naked?

I mean, these are girls who will go on something called a "Slutwalk", but wear jeans and a sensible top. When I open a photo album labeled SLUTWALK 2011...you know what I don't want? Pics of girls smiling in medium shot.

Are we heading towards a world where women are taking back the word slut like African-Americans did with the N word?
 

That’s great!

But, if you want to be treated like a man, and not called a slut, then you need to grab a couple sluts and bend them over a dumpster because that is what MEN do.

Women work day jobs and eat salads for lunch like men do but they refuse to ask for bathroom blowjobs like men do. So what can we do to help them? They are hurting themselves here.

More girls SHOULD be sluts...you wanna act like men? Sleep around, send shirtless pics of yourself to all your friends, and give handies to total strangers.

Only then can slut shaming end, and slut AMAZINGNESS can begin.

I'm giving Andy a handie RIGHT NOW.  Not because I want to, but because society said so

I just sent topless pics to some dude i met at the Jewel-Osco. DOES THAT MAKE ME A SLUT? Then oh well!

I guess I’m a slut.

You wanna shame us for that? Go right ahead...I'll still buttfuck your father, like a MAN would.

With these 24 hour media channels and so much diversity in this country, we've all gone way too far with worrying about what words actually mean.  Slut means you like facials and getting paid a steady wage.
 

Just like a MAN.

“Slut” means something dirty. Being a Man means getting fingerblasted at a party by a work friend and getting really long painted nails.

Do we need a protest for this? Cuz I will get on the bus to Camp David for it. I will fuck my way to the Berlin Wall if that’s what it takes. For people to know what it means to be a dirty, filthy slut.

We're all mad at Snooki because she's a slut on TV...I applaud her for being a real man in a slut's world. And if she wants to clap that booty, then fucking clap it, you MAN!

So all you women out there that want to be paid like a man and treated like a man, then ACT LIKE A MAN and get out there and blow all your boyfriend’s college buddies!

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer

Tom Hickey's Cranberry Ribs (Celebrity Recipe)

We all know who to go to if you want a solid, no-holds-barred performance of a cranky old coot. His name is Tom Hickey and he is the new face for us to get behind. His star has taken off.

From his younger days at Strawdog Theatre, to his Bic Pen commercials, we can all agree that a man this great deserves a great dinner for a big artistic appetite.

Try this at home or at a party for friends...

It's Tom Hickey's Cranberry Ribs!!

Ingredients

• 3 pounds pork loin back ribs
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon pepper
• 1 (14 ounce) can Ocean Spray® Jellied Cranberry Sauce
• 1 (12 ounce) bottle Heinz® Chili Sauce
• 2 tablespoons minced onion
• 1 tablespoon Heinz® Gourmet Red-Wine Vinegar
• 2 teaspoons minced garlic

Directions

1. Spray 4 to 5-quart slow cooker with cooking spray. Cut ribs into 2-rib portions; place in slow cooker covering entire bottom. Sprinkle with salt and pepper.
2. Stir together cranberry sauce, chili sauce, onion, vinegar and garlic. Spoon over ribs. Cover and cook on low for 6 to 7 hours or until ribs are tender. Remove ribs from slow cooker. Discard liquid.

Makes 6 servings!

Overtime

Ok, America.

Here’s where we are at.

Clint Eastwood just made an ad telling us it was halftime in America.  This was an Obama ad, disguised as a car ad, disguised as the end of The Natural.

So where are we really? Is it halftime right now in America?

Let’s take a look at some recent examples of the state of this little corner of Earth we call Home.

We have a black president.  Great job!  However, everyone is now extra racist because we never thought he’d be this good at it.  Which was stupid, because look what happened when black people started playing baseball.

I don’t want to sound reverse racist, but listen. Everything black people can do now, they are better at it than white people. Presidenting? Yep. Sporting? Yep. Writing? Did you know that Shakespeare was black?

Virginia has a problem with guns. You see, a few years back, whenever there was a murder on the East Coast, you could trace the weapon back to Virginia literally 90% of the time. Then they passed a law that said that you could only buy 1 gun a month and murders went down across the East by 15%.

Now, they are repealing the law because it is “Unconstitutional” for me to only buy 1 fucking gun a month. That’s just 12 guns a year!

All judges examine the constitution by getting in a time machine and heading back to 1790.  They then ask about a dozen white slave-owners what they think of copyright law for the Apple App Store.  After they get chased back to the time machine by mobs carrying pitchforks and slaves carrying slave owners, they come back and rule incorrectly about everything you love.

But, then, our biggest export is ENTERTAINMENT!  We make billions on movies both here and abroad.  The trailer for the next big blockbuster just appeared in our webzone today...for The Amazing Spider Man!

This film is a reboot of the Tobey Maguire vehicle from 2001, which was a reboot of the animated series from the 90s, which was an offshoot of the long running comic book, which was based on the writings of Plutarch.

ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING SPIDERMAN!! Listen, movie producers think it’s ok to just turn down the lights and put a British man in the lead and send it back over to us? We already bought this, quit selling it. Also, America is hungry for entertainment! We want pussy and we want blood and death, and you keep feeding us a man in tights fighting a lizard.

Did you know that Ang Lee made a movie called The Hulk?  Did you know that The Incredible Hulk starred Ed Norton?  Did you know that The Avengers is coming this summer and that Mark Ruffalo is now the Hulk?  Do you even give one squirt of piss who the Hulk is anyway?

Why don’t you make movies we want to see? What about a movie about “Neil Gaiman’s Sandman”? Since everybody is in love with Downton Abbey and Porn, you know we are ready to get weird.

So let’s get fucking weird, movie studios!

These are End Times, folks.  Even Madonna knew that, and gave us a Superbowl halftime show that Nero himself would be proud to watch while taking a dump in a horse’s mouth.

Speaking of false idols, let’s talk for a sec. We, as a “Christian Nation” spend a lot of time worshipping false idols just to turn on them when they need us most. Case in point, Michael Jackson.

Now what had Michael Jackson done for us? He entertained ALL of us, he gave billions to charity, he taught us all how we can come from nothing to be the most famous person on the planet, basically he was the American Dream. And what did you do?

The second somebody says that a child has been molested over at his house, you call the cops and send him to court.   

This motherfucker made Thriller.  THRILLER.

THRILLER!

He made every hit we love, and he touches a couple kids that nobody wants and you get upset? Don’t you think we owe him a few?

Anybody that makes “Off The Wall” can Sandusky a few kids.

I think the best we can do to grant Mike some peace in this time is to force Joe Jackson to undergo extensive plastic surgery and skin lightening to make him look like the neighbor on the Jeffersons, and then get British Joe Jackson to play his abusive dad on a reality program we all get to watch.  Call it STEPPING OUT with JOES JACKSON.

If all we have to do is give him a couple kids that nobody wants, some scrips, and his father a weirdo facelift, then that is not too much to ask for! We all need to sacrifice for our new Gods!

Shame on you, America.

Here are some more examples of the way America has been acting:

Newt Gingrich’s Moonbase Idea

Keeping Up With The Kardashians

Papa John’s Pizza

Westboro Baptist Church

Our unflinching acceptance of the Syrian Revolution

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit WITHOUT Benson and Stabler

Sleeve Tattoos

RON PAUL

A law making all Porn Stars in California required to wear condoms

Vibrator commercials on prime time television

Soybean Gene Modification Patents

American Girl Place

and none of this... none of this was mentioned in Clint Eastwood’s CORPORATE AUTOMOTIVE COMMERCIAL!

Do you know who paid for that commercial? You.

We’ll be the first guys to say it, and it needs to be said, because we are in Overtime, and the only stocks you need to invest in are leather and shotguns, because shit is about to get real Mad Max in this bitch...

Fuck you, Clint Eastwood, you old shilling hack.  Don’t you dare LIE to me!

Now, we have taught a dog how to use a typewriter, and have unlimited prescriptions for Oxycontin and 3 years worth of soup on a Cigarette Boat in Missouri.

So, once it all goes down, you’ll never find us, because we will be holed up in our Hunter S. Thompson retreat popping pills and watching endless episodes of Columbo.

We will also be selling tickets to the Thunderdome on eBay, so good luck, suckers.


A+

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer

12 Over 30

Hey gang!  If you like lists of things, and I know that you do, here is another one!  We here at Iews started thinking about all the people in the world over 30 who have really made a difference in all of our lives.  These are the doers and thinkers who have captivated the world with their prowess on the stage, on the playing field, and in the streets.  America couldn’t survive without them, and so your faithful champions of the average man doing extraordinary things and only asking for a mediocre paycheck and a blowjob...you know, on his birthday...have decided to celebrate these heroes.  These are your...12 Over 30!

Darryl Strawberry - former American Major League Baseball Outfielder, star of Celebrity Apprentice, star of Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab

A champ on the field and off, for 17 years in the bigs Strawberry knocked them out of the park for both the NY Mets and Yankees.  He also “played” for the Dodgers.  A feared slugger, he would intimidate lesser men on the mound when his 6’6” frame would dominate the batters box.  With a lifetime record of 280 home runs, he was compared to the great Hank Aaron, because they were both black.  Strawberry was controversial off the field, mostly because of a nasty cocaine habit and another habit that forced him to not take care of his children.  Oh wait...that habit was also cocaine.  He leaves a legacy of love and laughter, and always reaching for the spot just below the stars!

Christopher Hainsworth

By all accounts, there is one leading man in town who can do everything. Act in plays, write plays, and even read plays. His good, swarthy looks are the stuff you hear about in Hollywood and sorry ladies, he is off the market! This year has plenty of Hainsworth for all of us, just be sure to put on a parka, cuz it’s gonna get WET up in here! Wet with talent!

 

 

Bucket Joe - hobo at State and Harrison

When you think of Buckets and Joes, you inevitably think of Bucket Joe.  Joe’s been a fixture down on South State for as long as we can remember.  Veteran of ‘Nam, Desert Storm, Korea, and the Spanish-American War, Joe has a story for everyone and a smile for your kids.  Your deeply, deeply frightened kids.  Joe never lets a rainy day get him down, and also never lets herpes get him down.  He also never lets Hepatitis C get him down!  Have you heard Joe’s joke about the chinaman and Elizabeth Taylor?  Well, you might have heard the setup, but for some reason the punchline is always “MY WIFE SLEPT WITH MY BROTHER AND NOW I SEE SATAN!”  Oh, Joe...never stop being you!

 

Peter Moore

Close your eyes and think of a tall man with a slight stutter and salt and pepper hair. Now open your eyes. Were you thinking of Steve Martin? Well think again, because you were really thinking of Peter Moore! Moore has single-handedly taken a little known theatre company called Steep and made them a juggernaut of accents and sadness we are all clamoring for every weekend. No more sitting in the corner for this little storefront, and you have literally no one else to thank for this besides the great Peter Moore. Oh yes, we WILL have some Moore!

Don Hall

Now here’s a guy who used to be fat, worked out, lost weight, got lean and mean, but still decided to keep all the opinions he had when he was 16 years old!  And he blogs those opinions, whether The Man likes it or not!  He also acts in basements!  Never underestimate the earning power of an old man who hates Republicans!  Here’s to Don Hall and his weirdo liberal WBEZ tote bag lunches!

Susan Hamilton

Do you love cake and wine and Breast Cancer Walks? Then you needn’t look any further than Susie! With her blog called Cake and Wine, you know what she is thinking about allllll the time! She reminds us to treat every day as a gift and be sure to fail! That’s what living is all about and Susan is the best medicine to treat your breast cancer! Being a middle aged woman just got fun again! AAAAAACK!

 

Don & Tony - co-bloggers of horror movie blog Don and Tony’s Horrorhaus.com

Don and Tony have been on the lips of America since their unprecedented takedown of Wes Craven’s twitter attack on Entertainment Weekly.  When Wes’ last flop THE TAMING OF THE SHREW went tits up in a scathing EW review, Wes had the audacity to flip his lid publicly and Don & Tony were right there to hand him his ass in an unbelievable internet takedown.  They became the bloggers everyone wanted to watch, making guest appearances at Chris Piatt’s Horror Axewound salons and getting involved with their own film THE LUSTY VAMPIRESSES OF BELAQUA.  However, they have been criticized for being a little too snarky, and now don’t even talk about horror films anymore, instead choosing to write weird anti-political rants and lists of things that I guess they think are funny.  Still, Don & Tony are ruling their corner of the interwebs, and we love these kings of men!

 

Emeril LaGasse

Are you hungry for food? We are! Who can help us? Well, that depends on what you are hungry for. Does pizza sound good? What about tacos? How about Crawfish Jumbalaya? Well, you are in luck, because only one chef has figured out how to put Crawfish Jumbalaya into everything we like! He looks mean, he yells at food like it is his battered wife, but excellence isn’t just about perfection, there is also a showmanship that we expect from people in the kitchen. Remember when having a shrimp head and rice in your Bloody Mary was just a dream? Well you can thank Emeril!

 

Paul Holmquist - director, actor, father, Matt Damon

  

Paully, can you hear me from so high up there in the sky?  I know you are busy with being a dad, directing everything so that it wins Jeffs, and making sure we all know that you love AC/DC...but take a minute and listen won’t you??  We love you down here so much!  Don’t worry if you think we smell, we’ll take showers!  Are you there?  Are you?  We love you, Paul Mountain Manquist of the Tundra.

 

Bilal Dardai- Writer, Actor, Political Guy

Are you always so curious about this guy and where he came from? Us too. He seems nice enough, and always has a compliment to share, but I don’t know. I am having a hard time trusting him. I mean, who is he? What a weird name. I have always seen people that look like him, but never in a theater. Usually at a liquor store or in a taxi. Maybe he was a bad guy on 24. Well, either way, he seems like he wouldn’t harm your family and he makes good plays, I guess.

John Wilson- Theatre Maker/ Party Person

Have you ever seen a play in Chicago? Did you know that John Wilson had some hand in making it? Have you ever been to a party? John Wilson was there, too. The reigning King of Theatre. Do not disagree with him, or you will probably receive some incoherent reply that will baffle you for years to come. Just do what he says, however bizarre it may be.

 

 

Peter North - Porn King

Last but not ever least, Peter North of North Pole Productions is just like a fine cheese...smelly and ripe with the taste of lust!  Peter, while we may not ever have looked directly at his face, has been with us since our first sexual awakenings.  When you see him work, you’ll find yourself in awe of the man you could become.  The pleasure he’s brought to millions is worth ample space in any wallet made of ham.  Don’t be afraid to go North, you’ll be glad you did...just don’t slip on anything!

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer

-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

Liberals, and How They Can Win

What's up, gang?  Ever get incensed when you see some idiot on the internet posting pictures of Obama dressed as Hitler with a caption like "CHANGE YOU BETTER BELEIVE IN!"  And you go online, and all of your liberal facebook pals are posting charts and graphs that no one but other liberals will read?  And you think to yourself, no WONDER the Republicans win so many fights, their propaganda is nearly perfect!

Well, the crack team at IEWS have decided to help you out, democrats!  We've done what you can't...made some horrible memes that are virtually untrue and disgustingly tasteless, but very simple for simple people to understand!  Screw charts!  That shit won't play in Peoria...but THIS might:

Too subtle?  How's about this masterpiece?

Not racist enough?

Remember Rick PERRY???

You know how you might think Ron Paul has a couple good ideas?  Reagan sure did!

But, you might be wondering...where's the frontrunner???  Where's the man who can take Obama hard in the muthafuckin PAINT?  WHERE'S NEWT?  Well...he's probably sportbanging your wife!

Utah!  GIMME TWO!!!!

And, last, but not ever least...let's plant this joke in the ground!

There you are!  Feel free to tweet, post on your wall, send them to your bigoted father who can't believe he has to deal with a gay son who listens to NPR!  Be sure to tell him...Eric and Andy sent cha!

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer

Sean O'Connor (Interview)

Gang, we have heard your requests and we have obliged. You are asking for some new points of view on the industry, and we found one of the best. We are all curious about the ins and outs of standup comedy, so we flew to Los Angeles to meet with a mover and shaker.

Sean O’Connor is a comic and writer and a prolific Tweeter who gained our attention as a writer for “Sports Show with Norm MacDoanld”. He has also written for the MTV Music Video Awards and the Montreal Comedy Fest.

We met Sean in a small weird bar in L.A. where he was alone, gently swaying to some old school Kool Moe Dee.

Good morning, Sean and thanks for meeting us here at this bar! We first came to learn about you because we are big Norm MacDonald fans and saw that you were a writer for his last program, “Sports Show”?

Yes I was. It was great!

I bet. So, we deal with mainly Chicago actors and theatre artists who are curious about stand up. What made you get into it and where did you start?

I started as a dare, I never had any interest in doing stand-up comedy. I mean, I wanted to write for Saturday Night Live when I was younger but I really wanted to work in music. But then, my friend dared me to try stand-up when I was 19 and I never stopped. I started in New Jersey.

And you eventually made the move to L.A.? Or are you still based out of NYC?

Yes, I live in LA now. I moved to NY when I was 21 and left after four years. LA is a real treat compared to NY.

Because of the women? And the cocaine?

I think both and we can also add the constantly having to deal with people at every moment of the day.

One thing you always hear about the L.A. comedy scene is that it is CUTTHROAT. Is that true? Is it cutthroat, Sean?

No, I actually find LA’s comedy scene to be considerably less cutthroat. Everyone is very, very positive out here. It took awhile to get used to. I mean in NY, we really liked to give each other a ton of shit and here people just don’t do that. Which is actually great if you’re trying to keep a positive psyche.

Who were/are your biggest heroes in the comedy world?

Well Norm MacDonald is my biggest hero, Dave Attell, Albert Brooks and Zach Galifianakis are pretty much all of the comics that totally inspired me.

I think that is pretty much the same list for us. So, let me ask you...you start doing stand up in L.A., how does that translate into other work? Writing gigs, acting gigs, etc.?

I got hired to write for Sports Show, 2 weeks into my move to Los Angeles. I think it was really just my manager and agents pushing me hard and I wrote a packet in like a day and tried to make it perfectly sync to Norm’s voice.

Do you do a Norm impression?

Haha, no. I mean I sometimes talk like him and don’t even realize that I’m doing it.

What is the biggest...so, when you do a short set, compared to longform, like an hour, what are the biggest challenges you face? Do coherency and storytelling play more of a part in your act?

One of the biggest challenges I face during a longer set is I kinda get bored of myself. So it’s finding a way to make me not feel so bored. In my head, my inner monologue is going...” c’mon.. THIS? You’re saying this?” But yes, storytelling is a lot more fun when you have a long time to do it. You get to find every single beat in a story when you can stretch a little.

We checked out your Tumblr, natch. Do you like the quick response the internet provides? Is there a certain freedom to it, that is, just being able to put up what you want?

Yeah, I enjoy going crazy on Twitter some days where people have to read every thought I have. It’s fun because you get to find out what people like about you, it turns out what people like about me is the worst part about me. Also, I do use tumblr but have no idea how to use it.

A lot of actors in town have asked us about interviewing up and coming comedians to know what they need to get started in stand up. What do they need?

Nothing but open mics. Just going to a ton of open mics, that’s the only thing that is important when you start.

And now you are writing for some different projects?

Yeah, I just got done working on a Comedy Central pilot called “The Ben Show” and it’s this really awesome show that is impossible to describe. Which is great.

Are your parents proud of you?

I don’t know, I think so. I think they may be finally proud of me. All it took was being on TV. It’s the one time they can confirm that I’m not lying.

You ever play Chicago?

I’ve never been to Chicago and I really want to be there. A bunch of my friends are from Chicago and they seem to love it, so I think I would. I have done a show in Peoria, which I hear, is not the same.

No, do you ever play Chicago? Like, Feeling Stronger Every Day...that blue-eyed soul, man.

OH! The band.. absolutely not.

Sean, we are very proud to have spoken with you, and you can always crash on someone’s couch in this city. Finally, do you have any thoughts you would like to share with the artists of our town? Maybe a motivational cheer or a proverb?

Thanks for having me. Hmm, motivational cheer for the people of Chicago. Hmm, you guys you don’t need me. Every single funny person ever has passed through your city. So if you’re living there, good, you’re going to make it. Just like Tina Fey, just like George Wendt. You’re probably going to make it in a way that is similar to George Wendt. JUST GO OUT THERE AND BE GEORGE WENDT!

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer

Where have we been? Where are we going? (Questions and Answers)

Aaron Snook knows everything



Friends and Women,

Sometimes we collect all of our information from the internet. If you look on the internet and don't see a new post from your favorite bloggers, you can only assume that they have left you in the wilderness to die. What else can you assume?

Can you assume that maybe they had other things to do? Perhaps one of them is a new father, or that the other is trying to make his way as a talented, budding Dance Team Coach? No.

The answer is no.

So then, how would you know what Eric and I have been up to?

Well, here is an update from the horses lips to your ear.

Eric and I are proud to announce today that we are featured guest stars of the new Signal Ensemble Theatre's original production of "Motion".

Written by the great and handsome Ronan Marra and directed by the cunning and delightful Aaron Snook, this play is a fictionalized telling of the cumbersome NFL football lockout that happened, or something. It might be about something else, the more I think about it. We aren't listed on the website as part of the cast, but I am almost positive that this is an error and will be remedied expediently.

OR ELSE.

That's right everyone, Eric and Andy have finally made their way to the stage together in what can only be called "The Performance of Our New Century".

In fact, today I am here to PROMISE YOU that the performance you take in of the Signal Theatre Ensemble's show and our subsequent performance will be the best thing you have ever seen on stage in Chicago.

If this is not the most opulent and thought provoking piece of theatre you have witnessed in the last 25 years, simply request your money back, and I am sure that they will be happy to oblige.

Because we here at Ensemble Signal Theatre Group are a proud race. Since we entered our...I wanna say 12th season, our guarantee is something we stand behind.

Now on the other hand, if you are unhappy with the parking situation or with your date, then that's on you, brother. Your date probably banged someone in the cast anyway.

Now, in other news, you might see the complexion of our blog change a little bit. See, Eric has a baby now, so his time is being spent in different ways. You might be seeing a few Netflix reviews, and a few more thinkpieces on the state of our culture.

On the other hand, I am sick to death of theatre, so you might be seeing a few more words of harsh criticism and biting wit in regards to our chosen profession.

You will still be seeing pieces from our crack team of writers and reviews covering a spectrum of things you may or may not be interested in, including your precious little theatre.


Get ready because it's about to get humorouser on the internet again!

Donglicks,
Eric and Andy




A+

Unity BLACKOUT (solidarity)

Today to show our solidarity with other websites about some law that will prohibit free porn or whatever, we will only post pictures of black people today.

TAKE A STAND AND BLACKOUT YOUR PAGE!!!

Sweet Confinement (Sinnerman Theatre)

Recently I have become obsessed with the show “The Walking Dead.” I’ve always been partial to zombie films, like the classic scenario of a group of people trying to survive against an onslaught of bloodthirsty monsters. I have a weakness for indiscriminate violence on film (“28 Days Later), or the addition of humor while still retaining solid zombie kills (“Shaun of the Dead, or “Zombieland).

I enjoy “Walking Dead “so much more is because of the examination of the human condition. The zombies become the circumstance that helps propel the dramatic tension. The characters then have to deal with each other in this heightened reality, and the audience can then watch how humans deal with each other in crisis situations. Factors like family ties, race, past transgressions, and memories of the way the world used to be bring out feelings of hate and jealousy, acts of kindness or cruelty, and revolving alliances amongst the actors.

This use of a classic symbol is put to great use in the single bathroom set of Sinnerman Ensemble’s production of “Sweet Confinement,” written by Co-artistic director Anna Carini, and directed by Brea Hayes. In this case, the action begins with Amy (Cyd Blakewell) and her punky friend Amelia (Calliope Porter) standing around a giant pool of blood in the middle of the floor. Amy’s husband William has slit his wrists after Amy had decided to leave him and sent divorce papers, and is now in the hospital. This desperate attempt at getting her attention has brought their friends and relatives into the same house to help Amy, and to face ugly truths about their relationships and secret desires.

The characters spend the play trying to clean the gore, and by doing so, are forced to deal with each other. Amy’s brother Josh (Keith Neagle) returns from Washington D.C. to find his best friend dying and his sister practically catatonic, but is so emotionally stunted that he can’t or won’t share the burden. Ginger (Anna Carini), the flighty career woman, tries to help with supplies and food, flitting about the room trying not to vomit, but has to admit to sleeping with William. Amelia is the tough girl, but really wants Josh back in her life. Caleb (Howie Johnson), the next door neighbor, wants William out of the picture so he can have Amy all to himself.

The “elephant in the room,” William, never appears onstage, but his presence is all about. His past is filled with incidents caused by his manic depression, and his loved ones have borne the brunt of the effects. The human condition, and how we all react when we are up against it, is examined here to fine effect. The company is fully represented onstage, and shows the usual strong ensemble work of Sinnerman. Blakewell is particularly effecting as Amy, dazed by the event, and then exploding with rage over being once again tortured by another person’s condition.

The acting is only augmented by the clean white tile of the bathroom set, created by John Ross Wilson, which effectively contrasts the massive amount of blood onstage. Brea Hayes has the relationships between characters, past and present, perfectly clear and relatable to any audience. Carini also captures the dramatic weight of the situation, but also peppers the scenario with timely humor. If you enjoy a keyhole view into someone’s world, be sure to check out this show.

A+

-John Moran

Follies (theatre review)

Now when you think Chicago Shakespeare, what comes to mind? Is it aging vaudevilians getting sauced in a broken down theater, cheating on their wives and husbands, and breaking into song? Well, if that wasn’t your thought, perhaps there is something wrong with you.


The regional Tony award-winning theater known for its updating of the Bard’s work, as well as bringing international companies to Chicago to perform, has started off its season with the Stephen Sondheim musical, “Follies.” This is the tale of the cast of the Weismann Follies, who, in 1971, have returned to the theater in New York where they sang, danced, performed slapstick, and couldn’t keep their hands off each other. 30 years after the Follies closed, the theater itself is set to be demolished, and the the performers are having one last get together to relive the memories, drink a lot of booze, get felt up by butlers and cabaret boys, and perform their big numbers.

The story revolves the 4 friends Sally and Buddy, Ben and Phyllis, who met here, fell in love, got married, and have returned with their marriages on the rocks. Throught the night, they reveal their true feelings, and decide whom they will be going home with on this night.

The production was astonishing. Director Gary Griffin has made a play that happens to have music. The acting is so strong across the board, but Caroline O’Connor as Phyllis is a force. She belts her song “Could I leave You” with such feelling that it is both funny and intimidating. She burns up the floor in the second act, showing the skills that have made her a Broadway star for years.

Griffin has taken the stage and created a world both reality and fantasy. The play begins with an angelic lead flapper, who enters the space, and effectively allows the world of the Follies to enter. The stage is a busted down theater that once captured the imagination, but has fallen on hard times. The entertainment of the Follies act as a vehicle for the characters to express their deepest regrets. Susan Moniz as Sally goes from a bubbly ingenue still holding onto hope for a lost love, to a scorned songstress in her version of “Losing My Mind.”

Robert Petkoff as Buddy, the good guy trying to do the right thing, only to realize he has a one sided marriage, brings the tragedy in “The Right Girl,” and the comedy in “Buddy’s Blues.” Brent Barret, the performer turned politician, who is mired in a loveless marriage, is able to seduce Sally once more with “Too Many Mornings,” and emaotionally fall to pieces in “Live, Laugh, Love.” These characters are confronted with memory, but, as the play seems to say, memory is often how one chooses to remember it.

The show also plays with time, as th younger versions of the four lovers, flow in and out of the party, showing the truth of where these four went wrong. Adrian Aguilar as Young Ben, Andrew Keltz as young Buddy, Rachel Cantor as Phyllis and L. R. Davidson as Sally are wonderful, showing the foursome while they still had their lives ahead of them.

I felt as if I was in New York watching a Broadway show. If you want the next best thing (without Broadway prices), go see this show.

-John Moran