10 Women of Chicago Theatre

Every year the heat is on! We are proud to present for 2011, the 10 Women of Chicago Theatre.

These women have done plays, sang songs and entertained us. By us, we mean the men of Chicago Theatre, who have graciously allowed them all to use their spare time to be on stage, at least until we deem them responsible for raising our children!

Now we bet you are wondering, “Why aren’t you judging men, also?”

The reason is because there are so many talented male performers and directors and playwrights and designers, that there’s no way we could catalogue all that aptitude and skill. So instead, we have compiled 10 women’s names, because they seem like nice ladies who might date us.

So congratulations, women. Here are your new heroes:

Ann Sonneville - Ann’s that girl that you wish was a total bitch, because she’s so awesome you want to Source Code her boyfriend.

Emily Casey - Neither of us really know this person, but she smells like a meadow and makes you think of unicorns and waterparks.

Sarah Rose Graber - This eternally happy woman may make you mad about your own depression, but her positivity is only outweighed by the sheer number of plays she does.



Katie McLean Hainsworth - I put Katie in that category of women who would totally be cool with dressing in a Princess Leia bikini for her man.Kate Harris - Kate is that 42 year old hussy you all wish you were. She steals shows and gets naked sometimes and still gets parts written for 27 year olds. Nikki Klix - Not only is Nikki about as sweet as a bucket of pie, she also sings and acts and plays an orchestra’s worth of instruments. Think about that the next time Megan Fox gets cast in something.

Lindsey Barlag - Ever heard of a little play called “CHERRYWOOD”?! She was the broad in the bathroom. Stop fronting on Lindsey Barlag, ladies.

Greta Honold - Greta is an anagram of great. Greta was great at getting us this awesome party at Chicago Shakespeare and she’s really attractive for a young, thin, blonde girl with everything going for them.

Lily Mojekwu - Lily is gorgeous and can hop on stage and absolutely destroy you. And she is so shy in real life, which is adorable. If anyone messes with her, we’ll kill them dead.

Madeline Long- Maddy Long is bringin' it, y'all! With her kitten face and cool French accent, she is incomparable among kittenfaced French chicks.

Pirates of Penzance- The Hypocrites (play review)

Sometimes I think that Sean Graney is the super villain of plays.
It's like he gets hired to do a show and gives it the most ridiculous treatment he can think of, all in a maddening scheme to wreck the show and ruin the careers of all the actors involved. Then the show does well and his plans are foiled again! Then he disappears into Logan Square, never to be seen, until his next horrible experiment is foiled by his own petards.

If you think about it, it isn't the craziest theory out there.

Let's take Pirates of Penzance for example.
Everyone I have met in the past 10 years did this retard of a play in high school for the same reason that the Hypocrites are doing it now. It's free!
It's free and weird.

If you have managed to avoid this play your whole life, here's the rundown:

Frederic is a pirate apprentice and orphan. His father told his nurse to take him to PILOT school, but she misheard him and took him to PIRATE school. So then when he was a baby, he signed a contract that said he had to remain a pirate until his 21st birthday under penalty of nothing.
Turns out, he was born on leap year, so he's really only 5 years old after 21 years.
So he joins these pirates that are all SUPER gay and dress like Steve Prefontaine at a cocaine festival. They don't really do anything, because they pity orphans, so all the other real pirates that they try to take over (with no swords) say that they are orphans and then the gay, cocaine pirates split.
Frederic thinks that his old nurse named Ruth is ugly and doesn't want to marry her, even though no one is forcing him to, and so he says he needs to search for other women to see if she really is beautiful.
So the stupid pirates go to some remote island where there are only a bunch of sisters and their father who was the Major General of something that they never say.
He meets this other ugly broad named Mabel, and sort of falls in love with her? I don't know.
Then all the pirates marry these sisters and dance around and...live on an island?
Who knows, man. And frankly, who cares.
Then they all turn into policemen and dance around!

Here's the thing though, the play is AWESOME. It's great fun to watch, and in typical Graney bizarreness, it's standing room only, around this catwalk that looks like a pier and lots of beach balls and coolers full of Fresca.

Graney has an ability to find a mix of some of the best performers in town (Rob McLean, Nikki Klix, Shawn Pfautsch) and mix them with relative unknowns (Emily Casey, Christine Stulik) and make everyone act totally insane.

All the actors play their own instruments which lends itself, and takes away from, the show. He could have literally had a karaoke track of the show playing behind them, and I would've left with the same impression.
Maybe not, the musicians were great. They were all incredible at their jobs and very attractive doing it.
My favorite number is "With Cat Like Tread".

Ezekiel Sulkes is very lovable as Frederic, the idiot boy which none of the right moves, and Rob McLean is Rob McLean-ish as the Pirate King. He has a Hunter S. Thompson sort of look to him, if Hunter S. Thompson lived on Fire Island in the 70's.
The actor named Christine Stulik plays both Ruth and Mabel and sings like Snow White in the cartoon movie. She will have a great and flourishing career, for sure.
Matt Kahler as the Major General nearly walks away with the show in his crazy looking pocket after his song. He has 2 big numbers, one is "the Modern Major General" song, but I like his second one better. I can't remember the name, nor will you, but he is in pajamas.

The real glory of this show belongs to the ensemble. The musicianship is unparalleled on non-equity stages and features the talents of Nikki Klix, Ryan Bourque, Emily Casey, Shawn Pfautsch, Becky Poole, and Doug Pawlik. They have to run and jump and dive and swim all over that weird place and still play instruments.
The harmonies are dope and the choreography is pretty quick and cute as well.
I particularly like Nikki Klix, because she wears this really cute bathing suit and has the best smile ever.


I'm not gonna lie to you, there will be moments during the show when you won't be able to understand the lyrics, but after 10 minutes of watching the show, you will realize that they aren't really saying anything important anyway, and then you can sit back and enjoy the show.

AND ENJOY IT YOU SHALL!

This is the best non-Christmas show of the Christmas time!



A+

-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

Company - Griffin Theatre (Theatre Review)

Listen up, America. I am a straight man. And while I am an actor, I learned as a youngster the differences between musical theatre "actors" and actual actors.
Actual actors in plays are interested in telling stories and will suffer for their art through many forms of hangovers but will still give you the true feelings with cracked voices and little to no makeup or interest in their appearance. Musical theatre "actors" are interested in wearing lots of foundation and furthering their "career" by singing as loud as they can and limping through the actual storytelling with their dead eyes and Fisherman's Friend breath. Just looking around to see who is in the audience that they can sing at and where to put their little microphones so we can see them but not too conspicuous, like if they were in "Rent".

Is this a generalization?
No.

Is this jealousy?
Probably.


Truth is, I don't know shit about musicals. I have done a few (including a rock opera based on Franz Kafka's The Trial) but have never been terribly interested in being a part of that scene.

In my experience, musicals are about situations that are bigger than you. They tell epic tales of Lion Kings and Spidermen. They introduce us to dragons and Puerto Ricans. They take us to lonely Pirate islands on big boats and into famous pieces of artwork.

The play I saw on Sunday is called "Company" by Steven Sondheim and here is what it is about:
This dude named Bobby has a lot of friends that are miserable and are married and he is single and handsome and has sex with hot weirdo (Dana Tretta, hot as usual. Elizabeth Lanza, hot. Samantha Dubina, hot.) girls all the time. He wears a suit everywhere and stays out drinking all night, then goes to his well paying job and then is every one's friend and everybody loves him and then he gets some more pussy and bourbon. But this doesn't make Bobby happy. Bobby wants to be in marriage. Not love, he doesn't care about love, he just wants the insurance of having a warm body around all the time.
Well, poor Bobby. It's SOOOOOOOO HARRRRRRRD to be YOOOOOOOOOOU.

That last line was sarcastic. Sometimes sarcasm is a great way to get your point across, but it can be hard when you write. For instance, how are people to know that when, for example, I say "fabulous" I am really saying "terrible"?

The show is at the fabulous Stage 773. Super comfortable chairs and great sound quality are just a couple of the amenities you will encounter on your visit.

I guess Stephen Sondheim is famous for writing musicals about regular stuff with regular people. Company is one of his more famous ones. There aren't any songs you leave humming or any real melodies, but I think that's part of the charm of his work. I have always wondered that about musicals. Why is it, when someone is so overcome with emotion that they have to sing an actual song? Why can't they just be overcome with emotion and then sing some wandering notes in no particular order? If you have wondered this also, then Company is the show for you to see.

Now this particular production is a different case than the points I have made earlier. Griffin Theatre Company is famous for picking out pieces that best reflect the ideas of the company, and I think Company is probably right in their wheelhouse. I think for the most part, they were more interested in casting actors than musical theatre monkeys. The talent on display is unspeakable.

Jonathan Berry directed this.

Is Jonathan Berry an unmarried man in his 30's? Is this play a cry for help? We will never know.


In the course of this musical, Bobby goes to see all of his friends who are married and are in different stages of their relationship. There is the couple that is about to get married (Danny Taylor at his best ever and Darci Nalepa at her best ever too, I guess, I've never seen her before). This couple is about to get married and the girl is freaking out because she will have to be with the same man for the rest of her life. The guy doesn't seem to mind though.

There is the couple going through mid-life (Trey Maclin and Mari Stratton, slumming it at the Griffin. They will both be very famous.). This couple is trying everything to keep their passions going. Not just passions for each other, but passions for life. Trying Not to Die Inside is a popular hobby for most people in their mid 30s/40s, and they are trying everything from not drinking to karate to dieting and nothing seems to be working. So we have that to look forward to.

There is the couple that got divorced but is staying together for the kids. He might be gay and she is southern. They are played by the wonderful Laura McClain and the unstoppable force known as Robert McLean.

Robert McLean never ceases to amaze me. He is never bad. His Aragorn in Lord of the Rings was a little fey, but that's to be expected and also that was years ago. In Company he plays a fella who loves the fellas, and is very convincing. His speaking voice is wonderful and he sings as if an angel was inside of him and maybe this angel has a good singing voice also. He is our generation's answer to the Rubik's Cube.

There is the couple that sort of hates each other and are on their 8th or 9th marriages. Played with strength and believability by the one and only Allison Cane beautiful in her drunken, belligerent anger. Larry Baldacci has outdone himself again as the sad sack husband that just loves her money. These guys are the most lost of all and seem to be holding on to each other and their work as buoys so they don't get swept off into the vacuous hole of their own lives.

There is the couple who is poor but has all the love. Nikki Klix, my favorite actress in town and Paul Fagen, my other favorite actress in town do a great job. They play a couple that is in love and on the up and up. They have decided to have Bobby over to smoke a little weed and talk talk talk. This was my favorite scene and Klix and Fagen nail it down. I have never used drugs, but they look like fun from this play.

Finding love can be tricky. You need to have faith in addition to love. Faith that the other person will love you back, faith that you are worthy of their love, and faith that this is the right person.
It seems harder than just being alone sometimes.
I think that's what all 4 of these couples were struggling with. There is always love, but faith is harder to come by.

Benjamin Sprunger sounds like the past tense version of Benjamin Springer, but he isn't. He is a real person and he plays Bobby. He is pretty great. That role seems hard to do. He is also very handsome and opens his mouth really wide when he sings so you can almost see into his throat. I like that in a singer.

The band is great too. They are lead by a woman named Allison Kane, and play all the "songs". The costumes are good too! Allison Siple knows that already, because she is the hottest costumer in town and doesn't need me talking about her.

Now I know what you are thinking.
"This play sounds expensive."

You are right.
It costs $32 for one ticket.
That's to keep out all the riff-raff and have fancy people in to see it.
If you can sneak in though, you should see this play and maybe you will have a change of heart about musicals too!


A


-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

Griffin Theatre's Opening Party for Company (Party Review)

In full disclosure, I did not attend the show before the party, nor did I stay at the party too long.

But I'll tell you what I did see:

STARS

They were all out in full force at the new "Stage 773" space which was called the "Theater Building" last week. I mean EVERYONE who is ANYONE was there to celebrate the opening of this new take on a souvenir from the 70's.

There was Paul Fagen having a cocktail with Paul Holmquist! Allison Cain and her precocious husband Manny Tammayo! Ryan Borque is talking up Lee and Chelsea Keenan!
Benjamin Sprunger must have told a joke because all around him are smiles and laughs and hugs from friends and fans alike!

To be apart of this set is to truly be on the up and up of young hot theatre celebrities in town. Do you feel under dressed? No problem, because tonight's hero, the masterful Jon Berry is wearing tightrolled black jeans and his hair in impossible directions.

Have you ever seen such a lively crowd? The building is brimming with excitement and glory the way it only can on the corner of Racine and Belmont.

The glorious and stems-to-the-sky Nikki Klix has just entered the room and is holding court with the beautiful Ezekiel Sulkes. I see a romantic comedy in their future!
That won't stop Trey Maclin from getting in on the action! He's making everyone happy!
Including the sunglasses-at-nighttime wearing Jessie Fisher. Even she isn't too cool for this room! Not with Shannon Welling and Doug Pawlik walking around!

Who's that canoodling in the corner? It's none other than the whimsical couple we've all learned to love and respect Rob McLean and Erin Myers! They aren't afraid to show their love for each other in more ways than one!
Can it get any hotter in here!? Only if you thought that you wouldn't see Dana Tretta! She's about to take her shirt off in a show of gratitude to the waiting throng outside! Don't do it Dana! They won't love you in the morning!


My heart is ablaze in celebrities and drinks and dancing and Mari Stratton!? I don't think Erin Killmurray looks too happy about that. She's having a drinking contest at the bar with the crazily dressed Danny Taylor! You guys must be stoned!!

Wait a second, what's that sound? Why is there applause?
It seems that Larry Baldacci and Laura McClain have entered into a double-dutch contest and have fallen down! Are they hurt!?
NO!! They are just laughing at themselves the way only they can!
John Fransisco doesn't think it's funny though. He's had enough of this b.s.
Time to talk world affairs with Elizabeth Lanza, John?
It might be hard, because her dress is telling the rest of us that she is ready for action!

Darci Nalepa has jumped behind the bar and is pouring half-drunk sodas all over her! In a show of unity, Samantha Dubina does the same! Are they going to kiss?
This reporter will never tell...


What an amazing night of highs and lows, new beginnings and old ends!
If the play is half as good as the party, I think these guys will need to start planning their Jeff Award speeches NOW!!!




A+


-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

Cabaret - The Hypocrites (Theater Review)

Cabaret is a highly celebrated musical by the dynamic and homosexual Cy Kander and Julius Ebb. It concerns a young American who goes to Berlin for no real reason and starts banging dudes and chicks because everyone in Germany is a whore until the Nazis come and then everyone is a soldier. Well...everyone is a soldier that loves to sing. When I was in the Army, we had a special name for those kind of soldiers.
So natch, I was thrilled to take the train downtown in the middle of rush hour to see this highly acclaimed production by the Hypocrites Theater Collective at the DCA. DCA stands for Department of Cultural Affairs, so you know it had to be good, because it's presented by a city run organization.
When I first arrived, I was early, so me and my friends Anita and Loretta went to the Elephant and Castle for french fries with curry. These were not as good as I remember them being before, plus we were surrounded by douchebags named Tanner and Chad and Brad and Cody who made more money in an hour then I will all year. Luckily for us, they weren't going to the theater with us.
But their grandparents were!
When we arrived at the DCA, I was shocked to notice that we were the youngest people there by at least 45 years. The line for the water fountain was scattered with peril, but I insisted to myself that I would have some. You see, those curry fries weren't as good as I had remembered them being, and since it is a government run theater, there is nowhere to get a soda. Kind of like Nazi Germany. Nice place to do a play, Hypocrites.
Once we were herded into the theater (the same way a certain kind of people herded a certain other kind of people), I was in the mood for a play about the struggles of whores and rich Americans.
Before I continue, let me just say how awesome this cast is. They do things in this show that I would never do in a million years, and they do it for "art".
The opening of the show is a legendary dance number when a MAN known as the Emcee (a firey Jessie Fisher) comes out and sings this song that's sort of like Will Smith's "Welcome to Miami", except in this version, he welcomes us to the Cabaret. A place called the Kit Kat Bar in Berlin where it's always a party and everyone has mobile telephones. I didn't understand why they couldn't just go up and talk to each other, but I didn't live back then, so I can't say for sure. During this first big dance sequence we meet all of our whore characters for the show. If you guys like to look at chicks butts, this is the place to be. There were some old people asleep in the front row, which made me feel like I was at a strip club inside a Shoney's but I didn't care, because there were so many incredible vaginas in my face.Even the Stage Managers had great vaginas.
I wished I had a vagina because I would ask all of these girls what they do to keep them so nicely manicured and there wasn't a single butt zit in the entire cast. It was truly remarkable because I'm pretty sure I've banged most of the people in this show, and they ALL had butt zits then, but times change, and we grow older.

Well everyone is having the best time ever at the Cabaret and this dance number is among the best I've seen in that particular theater.
Next we are taken to the train station for the introduction of two of my favorite characters. Cliff O'Houlihan, the show's canvas, a young American from America who has come to Berlin from America to write a novel (played aggressively and vigorously and goodly by Michael Peters) about something...I'm not sure. I don't think whoever wrote this was particularly worried about everything having to make sense all the time, they just wanted to see some box like the rest of us. We also are introduced to Ernst (a sexy-as-hell Rob McLean), a guy who apparently goes back and forth to Paris to send letters to people or something or to smuggle something(?). Again, coherence is secondary here to vaginas. Well, Ernst and Cliff hit it off and Ernst helps Cliff find a place to stay while he writes his novel about who-knows-what.

We have now almost met all the characters. Only, like, 4 more.

Cliff arrives at his new home run by a lady named Frau Schneider (a brilliant Kate Harris).
Side note: Guys, I had heard stories about the magic of this woman before,but she truly is a Chicago theater treasure that we cannot lose. I looked in the phone book and there are only like 1500 Kate Harrises left in Chicago, so next time you see one, give it a few dollars or something, I'm not really sure what Kate Harrises eat or what impact it will have on the environment.

Anyway, Cliff moves in with this freakin lady, and we find out that she has other tenants too. One young slut named Kost (a slutty Laura Ewing) and an old fruity Jew stand owner named Herr Schultz.Oops, I mean an old Jewy fruit stand owner ( a too good for this Jim Heatherly)
Side note: Listen, I don't pretend to know all the ins and outs of business or theater stuff, but this dude, Jim Heatherly, must've really pissed someone off down the line somewhere. There is no reason that a man who is this age that is this good and has that good of a voice should be doing non-equity theater unless he continuously shows up drunk and/or is in the middle of some sex game with Sean Graney, the Artistic Director of the Hypocrites. All I knew was that I was in an ugly sex game with the character Hamburg (a naughty Doug Pawlik).
So Cliff starts teaching English lessons to Ernst (who already speaks English) and starts going to the Kit Kat Bar to bang this dude named Bobby (a sweet piece of ass named John Ferrick) who's banging this other dude named John Moran (an entitled John Moran) when he meets this bitch named Sally Bowles (a full chested and nicely faced Lindsay Leopold).
Now listen, I know this Sally character is a character that everybody wants to play and has become a big deal or whatever, and she has some good songs and everything, but what a whore. All this bitch does is take from everyone and then leaves you standing there, holding your dong while she's off for some more cocaine and abortions. FUCK SALLY BOWLES.
Well, needless to say, Sally moves in with Cliff because she is a whore and they fall in love.
Well, while all this is happening, you can start feeling a gentle shift in the tone behind Ernst. He has become a little more present onstage, and you learn that maybe he is working for the Nazi movement. In our culture, we have become so inured to the thought of Nazis that it isn't as shocking for us that the Nazi is the bad guy as it should be for the Jew in this show. But this seems to be on the Jewish agenda throughout history. They don't take any threats seriously until it's too late! Egypt?
"Oh, don't worry, Sol, this will all blow over."
The Crusades?
"I wouldn't get too excited, Moishe, this will be over soon."
The Bubonic Plague?
"They say it's all our fault, Jackie, but let's see how this winds up."
The Pale of Settlement?
"So they are asking us to move, what's the big deal? Surely we won't have to eat each other."
JEWS!!! WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO LEARN?!!
Maybe at the next Protocols of the Elders of Zion meeting, you guys should talk about getting some sort of warning system in place. I'm just saying.
But this section got me thinking about what it meant to be a Nazi. It seemed that all Nazis did, from the depiction in this play, was bang whores and try kill old people. Was I a Nazi?
I wasn't getting any help from the boy with no name (too cute for his own good Kyle Erkonen) or from Raja (a tigress named Dana Omar).
My mind was trying to work this out when I was distracted by the best part of this production, the band.
Jesus Christ are they good or what?
Led by 2 beautiful women, they played the shit outta that show.
The 2 women, ( the luxurious Britni Tozzi and the insatiable Nikki Klix, undoubtedly have the best names in the production and are undoubtedly the hottest, especially Klix, she also has the best vag and plays the violin like it's going out of style, which will never happen) and lead musically by the always dominant Mike Przygoda, Brandon Campbell and Kristina Lee, with KOD (Kevin O'Donnell) on the wheels of steel!
So, the play went on some more, and the Nazis are really coming now and by this point I was wishing for a Pizza Holocaust because I was so hungry from watching all that Nazi stuff and dancing.
So I don't want to give away the ending, but here are a few spoilers...
SPOILER ALERT!!!
1. None of the men who wear suits know how to iron.
2. No one dies from machine gun fire, which was a pretty big let down.
3. The costumes are in the style of "steampunk" which means, either dress like you are a gang in "The Warriors", or like you are an Indian that just found a bag of American officer's clothes.
4. Shannon Welling is in this play and trips over the stage all the time, because she is the biggest clunkiest whore of them all.

There is a great scene with a Gorilla that they stole from the zoo, and all the dancing girls are tremendous. I especially loved Chelsea Paice as the big breasted dancer and Dana Tretta as the little whore.
To give away the ending to this play would be like giving away the ending to "National Lampoon's Vacation", so I will refrain from doing so, but... things aren't looking good for the Jews again.
There is some gunfire, so be prepared to...hear gunfire, I guess. I know I haven't mentioned all the wonderful people in this show, including Eric Schroeder as the creepy sex guy, and the real winner of this show, Heather Gilbert (lighting designer) but everyone else can suck it because this review is so long already.
Go see Cabaret and get ready for the best Aryan party you can find this side of the Mason Dixon line!!


Cabaret
A+


-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

Tupperware (The New Colony Theatre)

Tupperware was written by two people, but you'd think they shared the same brain...a brain filled with talent. Produced by The New Colony, who stole Chicago's hearts with their production of "Cheech & Chong's Nice Dreams: The Musical," and they prove they are no one trick ponies.

Tupperware is a musical about life, love, and the mysterious disappearance of a piece of tupperware that contains a soul. One of the actors in the show is named Bill Thompson.

Also, Nikki Klix shines as the ethereal Plastic Witch, and her song "God Is In The Details" had the audience on its feet.

All in all, this is an uplifting and moving piece, that may leave you in a fantastic mood. Go see it. Oh, but be warned, there are chair buzzers.

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer