Friday, September 30, 2011

My Name Is Mudd (Jackalope Theatre Company)


Gang, as some of you know, I am a MAJOR history buff, and Abraham Lincoln is one of my favorite subjects. In fact, the amount of historical fiction written about this dude is only beaten by two other men, Attila the Hun and Adolf Hitler.

3 ruthless dictators.

Let me tell you what Historical Fiction is. Historical fiction is a medium of art that shows our greatest heroes of History in a new, fake light.
For example, I just read: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

This was a biography of Lincoln, hitting all the major points of his life, except in this version, everything he did to free the slaves, bury his children, etc. was all motivated by his deep-seated hatred of Vampires.

There is also a medium called Historical Erotica. That is where you take a figure like Ghandi and write a porno where he goes to Argentina and rails a bunch of Ex-Nazis. I love this kind of fiction because I like to hear about chicks in the past getting plowed by my heroes.

THEN, there is a genre called "Actual History" where you tell the story of someone's life correctly using all factual information. This way is sort of cool, but there aren't ever really any surprises because you know how it ends. You usually have to find a new angle that may or may not be interesting, because if you are telling a story about, say, The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln, we have heard this story about 10 million ways and cannot possibly tell me anything new.

This was my attitude when I went to see "My Name Is Mudd" at the Viaduct Theater last week. A play centered around the doctor Richard Mudd who treated John Wilkes Booth after he broke his leg, or treated Lincoln... he treated somebody for something, it wasn't totally clear.

Jackalope Theatre Company has a long and storied history of doing plays, I think. I haven't ever seen a Jackalope play before, so I don't wanna speak for their body of work, but they must have done SOMETHING good before because they have some pretty big names in the cast!

There is John Ross Wilson, Esteban Andres Cruz, a couple different Samuels and another Mexican fella named Roy Gonzalez!

So far, this play has 2 more Mexicans than Lincoln ever met in his life.

The set is an old R.E.M. video set from the early 90's, so immediately I was intrigued.

The premise is simple: A group of Vaudeville actors are going to sort of tell us about the events leading up to, and surrounding the famous assassination. Sprinkled throughout the show are pieces of factual evidence that is both eye opening and sort of crazy sounding.

The performers are first rate. The jokes are funny. The story is, like, the most famous American story there is, so what's not to like?

NOTHING! Parking is sort of hard over there, actually.

Esteban Andres Cruz steals the show, as usual as this wig maker who is working on Booth's show. Cruz has this way of being serious and goofy at the same time. How does he do it?

Anyway, listen. I am rambling on a bit, but you should make it out to see this show. This young company is going to start taking leaps and you could stand to learn a thing or two.

Sic Semper Tyrannis to Everyone!

A


-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Tom Williams and You (An Expose)

ERIC
Hey Andy! Did you hear the internet argument that rocked the Chicago Theatre world over the weekend?

ANDY
I did not. I use my weekends to do fun stuff. What’s the scoop?

ERIC
Well, it started when our favorite critic, Tom THE BOMB Williams posted his review of The Kid Thing on his blog. You can look at it here.

ANDY
Ok, now that I have read it, I do remember seeing some talk about this. What did he say that was so wrong?

ERIC
Well, everyone decided that what he said about lesbians wearing dresses and makeup was completely bigoted, as if he was 25 years old and knew better. I just saw an old man doddering on about what he thinks lesbians are...it was like when my Grandma called African-Americans “colored” in 1991.

ANDY
Hasn’t the Theatre Scene had some issues with this fella before? I mean, wasn’t there a thing that happened a few years ago with copying somebody else’s material? Hasn’t he said some things that get people huffy in the past?

ERIC
Oh, for sure, Andy. Tom THE BLOB Williams’ theatre blog is dug up every few months by some slighted industry person as an example of “what criticism ISN’T” and everyone comments and facebooks and twitters about how we should not invite Tom to shows any more and how he needs a kick in the pantys and why he likes to eat his own poop. You know, internet arguments.

ANDY
So what you are saying is, people keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. Why, as adults, would we do that?

ERIC
I don’t really know, Andy. I mean, it’s the textbook definition of insanity. But, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that everyone is actually insane. It’s just that some people are prettier and younger than other insane people, like Tim THE GRIM Willbians.

ANDY
Well, I wanna be clear to you about something. I think that Torm THE SWARM Wimbeldon can say whatever he wants because these people continue to invite him to their shows. They are asking him to critcize their art, and for that I say “BRAVO, Mr. Wallarms.” But what I WILL NOT TOLERATE, is some old dude thinking he can out misspell US and make casually racist comments. That, my Sir, is our territory!

ERIC
Amen to that. Here’s the deal, America. All these critics in the world, they have their turf...Venus Williams wishes everyone a good show, Chris Jones is British and aloof, Hedy Weiss is a vampire, and Ada Grey is six so no one can make fun of her. And Eric and Andy are the idiot manchildren who say retarded shit and call people retarded women who smell like placenta omelettes and this guy is HORNING IN.

ANDY
WE make the Lesbian comments in this town! Maybe Tome THE GNOME Willkens should try some other things he might be good at, like shoveling or fixing toys.

ERIC
One of the great, and really stupid, things about the internet is that anyone can say and do whatever they want. If Thomas THE GROWNMASS Wilferd wants to talk about lesbo dikes who wear jeans and have tatoos and smell like patchouli and should live in compounds while he sleeps in a Nazi uniform and eats all the flowers on your windowsill...then GODDAMN can he ever do it. But, you guys are STILL THE ONES POSTING HIM ON YOUR FACEBOOK PAGE WHEN HE GIVES YOUR SHOW FOUR STARS.

ANDY
So what’s the answer here, E-Bone?

ERIC
I honestly think your theatre company should have a lucid and frank OFFLINE discussion about who you want to invite to your show to review it. There are a lot of reviewers in town, and if you truly feel that Timmy THE HEADJIMMY Wilbog shouldn’t be allowed in your theatre, fine. Don’t give him tickets. I promise you, it will have no effect on your bottom line.

ANDY
Well, I would like to mention a critic whom I really like nowadays named Bob Bullen. I think he is a thoughtful dude and writes a blog called Chicago Theatre Addict. I also hope we never have to discuss Tom Williams again, because it’s so deeply, deeply uninteresting.

ERIC
I agree Andy. Let us move Tom into the dustbin of history, like driving gloves and American cars.

ANDY
Wanna go take in a Lesbian short film?

ERIC
You know that I am already doing that.

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer
-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

Friday, September 9, 2011

How To Write A Bio For A Program (Theatre Learning)


There is a burden that all theatre professionals have to deal with in our business. The very thought of it makes me paranoid and nervous.

At the beginning of every new production you are involved in, you receive an email that reads:

Hi (Show Title) Pro & Cast,
Your bios and headshots (if you are an actor) for The Show You Are In are due.
If you could please e-mail them to me it would be appreciated. Thanks, (Production Manager or Whoever Handles This)

I hate receiving this email because I never know what to say about myself. Should I talk about past awards and favorite roles? Should I speak of my affiliations? My feelings about the Government?


Well, today I am going to tell you the do's and don'ts of writing a great bio!

I know since everybody's season is getting started, this is very relevant and you will want to take notes.

First, I will write you a sample bio that has a bunch of mistakes and then we will dissect it to learn better.

Anderson Lawfer (Mamie Reardon) is thrilled to be part of this great production. You may have seen him in plays at Victory Gardens, Collaboraction, Steep Theater, About Face (Jeff nomination- Best Performance), the National Tour of Wicked (with Sigourney Weaver) which toured many prestigious theaters, among others. He is the Associate Artistic Director of Vampire Couch Theatre Company where he also serves as the literary manager and head playwright. He would like to thank his wife Lil RayRay and his daughters for their support and unconditional loyalty.

Seems harmless enough right?
WRONG!

This bio is making you look like a douchebag and let me tell you exactly why, in 5 points.

1. Anderson Lawfer (Mamie Reardon) is thrilled to be part of this great production.

If you say the word "thrilled" and don't use an exclamation point, then you are not thrilled.
For example:
Anderson is just thrilled to be getting married.
or
Anderson is just THRILLED to be getting married!

See? The second one is clearly more excited sounding, but it also makes you sound like a retard, so just avoid saying you are thrilled at all. This also goes for excited, pleased as punch, super excited, and having a great time working at this company.

2. You may have seen him in plays at Victory Gardens, Collaboraction, Steep Theater, About Face (Jeff nomination- Best Performance),

Nobody saw you in those things.

3.
the National Tour of Wicked (with Sigourney Weaver) which toured many prestigious theaters, among others.

If you put some famous person's name in a show you were in, and are now doing a non equity show at LampSkunk Theatre Company, it looks like you have fallen very hard. Maybe it is because you quit doing tours to start a family and teach at DePaul, or maybe it is because you are an awful drunk that tried to bang the usher. The point is, we don't know why you didn't stay on the up and up, but you clearly didn't, so just leave it alone.

Prestigious Theaters read: Whites Only.

Among Others read: There are no others.

4. He is the Associate Artistic Director of Vampire Couch Theatre Company where he also serves as the literary manager and head playwright.

There is nothing wrong with this. That is actually a pretty sweet title.

5.
He would like to thank his wife Lil RayRay and his daughters for their support and unconditional loyalty.

This is a grammatical error that drives me crazy. If you would like to thank them, then quit being a pussy and just thank them already!
Plus, if you are thanking your wife for support, you are lying to everyone. Your wife wants you to stop doing plays for free and get a second job.
Also, your daughters don't even remember you because you spend every night above a liquor store talking about what your new mission statement should be.

So now that we have discussed the don'ts, let's put all of these practices to work and make a true bio that you can be proud of!

Anderson Lawfer (Mamie Reardon) is a part of this production. You didn't see him in plays at Victory Gardens, Collaboraction, Steep Theater, About Face (Jeff nomination- Best Performance- Lost to Stacy Stoltz), the Regional Tour of Wicked (with Kerr Smith) which toured many diverse theaters, and no other plays. He is the Associate Artistic Director of Vampire Couch Theatre Company where he also serves as the literary manager and head beerdrinker. Thanks to his "wife" Lil RayRay and his daughters for not caring where he is, and to whomever in the cast he is undoubtedly having an emotional affair with right now.

Now that we know how to write a great bio, let's go out there and take back the programs!!

Have a great season everybody!

A+

-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach





Wednesday, September 7, 2011

ERIC AND ANDY SEEK NEW THEATRE REVIEWERS!!

WHAT WE ARE LOOKING FOR



Do you like to write things?
Are you a "free thinker"?
Do your friends say that you are funny and/or laugh at your jokes/gags?

Yeah?

Then you should be writing for Eric and Andy!

Because of the Fall Theatre and Movie season, we are overwhelmed with things to see and need your help!
The internet is very popular now, so why not leave a footprint in the internet sand to show your parents!
You will get free tickets to plays and events and all you have to do is write something that isn't terrible about them afterwards!
Also, if you are in the theatre scene in Chicago, this could be the best thing that has ever happened to you.

P.S. - We could use someone of color to even things out.
We're pretty white.

Like a black person?

NO, no...maybe Asian or Indian...Mexican if we're desperate.

So, if you are Asian or Indian or maybe Mexican, but probably White, send a writing sample to Reviewsyoucaniews@gmail.com and get started on your blogging career today!


-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach
-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer







Friday, September 2, 2011

Eric and Andy Will Be Back Next Week!

Hey Gang!
We took the summer off, but we will be back next week with more of our velveteen words and sugary quips!
Enjoy the weekend!