Whaddup, Bros!? That’s right! Josh Vaughn is Back!
It’s been a busy fall and winter, ya’ll. Beer pong tournaments, fantasy football, Bears, Hawks, and a promotion at work. You are now in the presence of the assistant VP of development of Branch Network Communication. Executive bathroom keys, yo.
So Eric and Andy have been missing me. (I knew they rolled like that.) So I’m back to give you the lowdown on what I have become an expert on: New Year’s Eve. NYE is one of the best times to party, hook up, get drunk, crash in the hotel, or somehow get home (wherever that is that night), and then brunch it up on Bowl Game New Year’s Day.
As a member of the scene, I can tell you that NYE in Chicago is the shit! And it’s EVEN better this year because it lands on a Friday, which means you’ve got an extra day to recover.
Things get crazy in this town. It’s like Halloween without the slutty costumes. Everyone knows the deal, and shit gets real. Everybody is out til sunrise, in the streets, the clubs, the trains, the party wagons, and the stretch Hummers. They are out in Viagra Triangle, Wrigleyville, River North, and Downtown. In the hotel lobby, or up in the room.
So let me give ten things to remember when you plan out the best way to hang on NYE. Keep these in mind, because they come from experience, bruh. You gotta be smart, bros. It’s like in my favorite movie, “Boiler Room,” you know, with Vin Diesel, and Affleck. Plan well, and you can get away with a lot.
- Spend AT LEAST 10 hours looking for an outfit this week You have one opportunity to make a statement to all the tail out there: I am starting this year with you. Find something that fits you well, preferably a darker color in order to keep the spills from passing Jaeger Bombs from showing up. Money is no object on this. It’s an investment in your sex life.
- Drink water every day I can’t tell you enough how much this has affected my staying power. Once you’re in the club, the club takes over, so have your body prepared. It’s also not a bad idea to hit the gym a little harder this week. You feel better about hitting up the open bar more often than usual.
- Day of: Pregame like a mother#%&* It will save you time and money, when you have a few shots before you leave the house, like when you’re getting dressed. If you’re going to dinner, you won’t be gulping down wine or whatever. And around 1, when you’re hitting that ATM, it will be for $100 instead of $200
- Have a decent dinner I’m not saying steak and lobster, but something substantial. Something that will keep you til around 3am. You know you’re going to the Golden Apple to rally a little bit, but you want to start up strong. You’re gonna dance, high five, and get out of cabs a lot, so be prepared. Speaking of…
- Be prepared, Last Boy Scout Bro’s, you know what I mean. Condoms, gum, lighter, cigs, cash for a cab, charged cell, toothpicks, and whatever specialty items I can’t mention here. (Yeah, boyyeee.)
- Pick a destination. Where do you wanna be for midnight? Around your bros, or a bunch of chicks? In the club or at someone’s condo? You don’t wanna end up in a line outside English, freezing. So plan ahead.
- Have an escape plan. You also don’t want to get trapped there, either. Head to another club, someone’s crib, whatever. You got places to be, bruh.
- Be cool to the hotdog guy…..nuff said.
- Help your neighbor The girl you help find her shoes is the girl you get to show that one thing you do. Or the guy that has a fight with his lady, gets to be relived of his duty when you save her.
- Vitamins and Aspirin Take 2 of each, and call it a night.
Have a good one, bros, and I’ll be at RiNo, Level, and Mcfaddens. Cheers!