What does she wish that banana was? (Answer: A clementine.)
Holy shit. Did I really have to see this today? Did I really have to start the day with news of ANOTHER theatre collective acting terrible to the community at large because their sandy vaginas were irritated?
Well, I did. I woke up this morning after some crazy ass dream about being in the bush in Vietnam, but Vietnam looked like Oklahoma and I was wearing chaps. Not assless chaps, jerks, because chaps are ALWAYS ASSLESS. Took my morning milk bath and hopped on the tubes and what did I spy in my little in box but a message from my cohort Andy linking me right...fucking...HERE:
Yep. A full list of theatres around America that have dared to do plays by men and only men. Including 16 Chicago theatres. The Guerilla Girls are asking people to GIRLCOTT (real cute) these theatres and not buy tickets because women didn't write the plays. Let me put this another way...you know how you aren't getting grants, and your show is getting awesome reviews but no one's showing up anyway, and you are scraping by attempting to make some kind of statement and do what you love to do strictly for the joy it brings you? Well, if you are doing a play by a man, too bad and fuck the hell off.
OK, I am sure this is the point in this weblog that you think to yourself, "OH, ERIC HATES CHICKS." No, man, I dig chicks and broads and dames and skirts and floozies. Hell, there are even some plays written by twists that I dig. I've directed plays by twirls and been directed by someone with a great set of gams. However, these plays were selected by a group of men and women in our ensemble. A mixed gender group that decided on the upcoming season of plays according to our own set of values. And usually the last thing we asked about every script was, "So, this was written by a girl right? Wow, that being the case, it's pretty good!"
How many feminists does it take to realize that Chicago Shakespeare Theatre does plays by William Shakespeare and he had a cock? FUCK YOU, RAPIST!
That's a joke you can tell at your AA meeting! So, when it comes down to the brass tacks the Guerilla Girls want you to not buy tickets to theatres who only do shows written by men. And they seem to want theatres to choose shows written by women...EVEN IF THOSE SHOWS ARE BAD OR FALL OUTSIDE THE MISSION OF A PARTICULAR COMPANY. I guess shows are more important when they are written by someone who has a natural intermission (a period).
I'm all for women playwrights. I'm all for women directors. I even like some female comedians (not a lot though...man, it's hard to be funny when you are offended by everything). But, let's look at this from an equality position...we are all in the same boat. Women, men, black, latino, asian...if you are a theatre practioner YOU AREN'T MAKING ANY MONEY. The fact that there is a group of so-called artists out there who would take money out of your pocket because you dared to pick a season by your values instead of your vaginas...well, that fact makes me want to MANcott this bullshit toot fucking sweet.
And, oh, BTWLOL...ladies, a "gorilla mask" is when you shave a man's pubes when he sleeps and glue them all over his face before he wakes up. Just a tip...sorry, a clit from your Unky Eric!