Well, Christmas is on it's way, Andy!
Andy
I'm so excited. You know what I'm gonna do Christmas morning? Same thing I do every Christmas morning. Put $20 on the New York Knicks.
Eric
It's tradition for you to lose $20. I'm going to finally start watching Burn Notice. I mean, why waste my life?
Andy
Every man comes to a time in his adult life when he starts watching Burn Notice. Luckily for me, that time isn't here yet.Eric
It IS time, however, to start paying attention to what the kids are doing in Chicago theatre these days!
Andy
Let's see. You and I went to see a play together last week.
Eric
We did, after a boatload of Spicy Garlic Wings at BW3. I cannot say enough amazing things about BW3, holmes.
Andy
Oh my God. I got there a little late, because I was thinking about Christmas, and when I got to the Buffalo Wild Wings, Eric was already there, sucking on a dark colored beer, being so restless and smelling chicken wings.
Eric
The dark beer was the only thing keeping my raging chicken wing hunger in check. I was going to start gnawing on our waitress' "wings"...her "wings" being her arms. I wanted to chew off a woman's arms, Andy.
Andy
Jesus Christ! I didn't know it was so bad! We ordered 30-ish wings and I had a Shirley Temple which made our college waitress laugh at me. Probably because she is a whore and all the male figures in her life drank too much and touched her, so when a grown man ordered a non-alcoholic beverage, she thought there was something wrong with her.
Eric
Did you take psychology classes? Because your assessment is right on the money.
Andy
I've dabbled in Whoreology.
Eric
Speaking of, after all those wings I was feeling a little whorish and logy, so we went to a coffee shop and had a cigarette on the way. I ordered an espresso, to get my game face back.
Andy
I had a chocolate malt! Just because I don't drink doesn't mean I can't get fatter!
Eric
It's not a beer gut, ladies, it's a tool shed for my SEX MACHINE! YES!!! YES!!!
Andy
After we had warmed our mouths and butts, we were off to the luxurious downstairs weird basement of the Apollo Theater for a play to warm our hearts.
Lights Out Theatre Company, which is an adorable group of hipsters lesbians and scamps, is putting on a sketch show called the Poverty Christmas Pageant II! It's part 2 because they pulled this same crap last year!
Andy
Did people go to it last year?
Eric
They must have, because the only reason to do a sequel to a sketch show is making mad cheese.
Andy
Well, let me be the first to tell you that this show had all the makings of a Holiday Spectacle! There was singing, and laughing, people wore sweaters and there was a fire when we first came in.
Eric
Everyone seemed very happy to be there! We were greeted by holiday fan and BFF Mary Rose O'Connor! She's also the Artistic Director of Lights Out, I'll have you know.
Andy
Once we sat down we had a few minutes to kill.
Eric
And, unfortunately, those wings were wreaking havoc on my lower decks. It was a full-fledged Christmas Emergency!
Andy
What do you mean?
Eric
Well, let's just say, that I had to "evacuate some crewmen."
Andy
Or "Reindeer" as the holiday saying goes.
Eric
After all that holiday action, the show started with a short film. I liked it! The company had made a video about getting back together to do the Christmas show!
Andy
The film was a great way to start the show! Also, we meet a new member named Drew Hann that no one seems to like. This is a recurring joke through out the show.
It's a cute joke, because Drew Hann is so goddamned nice and friendly and hilarious and all his fellow company members hate him.
Anyhow, him and this lesbian fight this dude with a weird voice and long hair. They are playing pianos and guitars and singing and then some ladies come out and pretend to be whores at a grocery store.
Eric
Those whores are Haily Wineland and Jessica Neilson, and they sure are funny prostitutes!
Andy
They were all rubbing their beavers on the chairs and begging for sex or grocery money or something.
Eric
The show was funny...but I started to notice that things were getting a little snarky. Which is totally fine, because Christmas is so saccarine and commercialized and all that.
Andy
The kids are right out of college, so I take everything they say the same way I listened to myself back then.
Eric
Right. But then Jackie Goddamned Keough showed up and sang "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" alone with only her own guitar. Lump in the throat time, y'all. Like when you watch the Peanuts gang sing around that little tree.
Yes. I almost started crying, thinking about what Christmas means to me or whatever.
Eric
And then the song ended and they did a sketch where Haily shoots Santa Claus! Blammo! Funny again. They earned it.
Andy
All in all, I'd say these kids have the right stuff. Now, from what I understand, they don't just do sketch shows, they also do actual plays?
Eric
Yes. They are actually doing a show in January called Armless by Kyle Jarrow at the Mary Arrchie.
Are there any chicken wings places by there?
Eric
You know it!
Andy
Then I will see you there! This is a young company of lesbians and gay guys that are really promising!
Eric
Sharing is caring, America! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
PCP II - A-
-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer
-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach
Beavers.
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