Jacqueline Stone's Meringue Cookies (Celebrity Recipe)

We first met Jacqueline Stone when she was the incredible star of TUTA'S "The Wedding" and since we have been enormous fans.

She is a leader in our city and someone to put on your radar in the future.

Now you can see her with all the right moves in TUTA'S Fulton Street Sessions.

Here is her favorite cookie recipe, and it is PERFECT to make for strikes and benefits:

Forgotten Meringue Cookies

Put wax paper or parchment paper on cookie sheet. Grease the paper.

Preheat oven 350.

Ingredients:
2 egg whites

¾ cup sugar

6 oz chocolate chips

Beat eggs until stiff. Beat in sugar slowly. Fold in chocolate chips.

Drop by teaspoon onto cookie sheet. Turn off oven, put cookies in and leave in for 6 hours.


-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

Please Boicot This Show: The New Colony's Rise of the Numberless

"The show is called r1s3 of the numb3rl3ss (remove the jarg) which i could call rise of the dumber fellas.

Basically america celebrates the adoption of a one child policy that saves the country and i suppose the world from starvation, cancer, unemployment, war, and many other catastrophes.

But as you could guess the stars in the show are a group of tinfoil hats that have as many children as they want because they dont care at all about other people suffering, and that are shown as victims being fugitives on the ran.

Seriously, make a law to charge every cast member, technician, scripter, director, and VERY SPECIALLY the producers for every unemployed and poor people in the world, they will lost EVERYTHING AND EVERY PROPERTY and it will be like an useless drop in the mouth of an utterly thirsty behemoth growing at the speed of light and killing hundred millions every year in many ways."

 -Internet Commenter userwords, from the forum A Childfree Life, which claims to be A Safe Haven in a Baby-Crazed World

I love when people are crazy on the internet, I mean, I looooooooooooove it.  There's now a way to pinpoint exact locations of insanity in the online world and completely ignore it, or secretly revel in it.  Like, back in the old Chicago days, we would say things like "Oh, man, don't even LOOK at the Wooden Nickel off of Wilson.  They will throw a shiv at you through the front door."  But now, you can go to the Wooden Nickel as a ghost and just hang out in the corner while drunken immigrants scream about people having babies.

This commenter (we'll call her Wanda) is incoherently bitching about "Rise of the Numberless", a new musical collaboration between the Bailiwick Theatre and local legends The New Colony.  Now, I dig The New Colony...they are a bunch of nice people who do hard work and make new musicals, which in an America where ANIMAL HOUSE is being adapted as a musical for the Broadway stage is an incredibly fucking daunting task.  And this one sounds particularly intriguing...a rock concert in support of the "numberless" children of the world who have become fugitives from society in a "One Child, One Nation" type of sci-fi dystopian future.  Actually, sounds pretty bitchin', and if I know The New Colony it's going to be intelligent and entertaining and fun!

Now, let's breakdown what Wanda here is trying to accomplish in her poorly worded post to "Boicot this show."  I want to concentrate on her last paragraph, because oh god it's so insane:

Seriously, make a law to charge every cast member, technician, scripter, director, and VERY SPECIALLY the producers for every unemployed and poor people in the world, they will lost EVERYTHING AND EVERY PROPERTY and it will be like an useless drop in the mouth of an utterly thirsty behemoth growing at the speed of light and killing hundred millions every year in many ways.

First of all, you can tell she is serious because she uses the word Seriously.  "Seriously, aliens are hiding plans to destroy country up anus."  What anus, slick?  Your story fell apart in the last moments.

Make a law to charge every one involved for every unemployed and poor person in the world.  Wait, make a law?  A law?  You are aware this is a fictional musical running at a small not-for-profit theater space in Chicago that at the most, maybe 1000 people will see?  No offense, I mean, I hope millions of people see it, but I'm not a crazy lady typing in broken English on an internet forum that celebrates killing babies to cut down smog levels.

Here's my favorite part though, the thesis statement of her magnum opus.  "...They will lost EVERYTHING AND EVERY PROPERTY and it will be like an useless drop in the mouth of an utterly thirsty behemoth growing at the speed of light and killing hundred millions every year in many ways."

Wow.  An utterly thirsty behemoth growing at the speed of light is quite a simile.  You sure you want to go to the "behemoth" analogy?  I mean, I crave some good crazy monsters who suffer from gigantism and murderous psychopathic tendencies but does one want to close with that?  Especially if you are trying to get normals on your side?  Kind of Book of Revelations, in my opinion, which is a pretty good book but it's no 2nd Corinthians.  Let's not kid ourselves, it's too pretty of a day.

Anyway, don't boicot a show.  Never boicot any show, for God's sake, what are we children?  Still, it was nice of Wanda to give Rise of the Numberless all this free pubilicity.  I wonder why more people don't realize that the average human will line up to do something when you tell them specifically not to do it?  Oh, because they are crazy people, that's right.

Thanks, Wanda!

A+

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer

Your Theatre Company's Marketing Problems

This is not a good picture to market your show

Let's talk for a few about the way we market our theatre companies in Chicago.

After I wrote that sentence, I took a week away from this piece to think. I get so frustrated with the state of our visibility and marketing decisions, that I wanted to make clear, coherent arguments that would be helpful for the discussion instead of angry, insane ramblings like we usually do.

But the thing is, when you have a review blog, you receive no less than 5 press releases a day and the atrocities are constantly in your face.

So let's start off easy and discuss your theatre's Mission Statement.

A Mission Statement is used to grab grant money and to inform potential board members of your goals and the type of work you are interested in doing.

Eclipse Theatre Company presents the work of one playwright each season. We offer the audience an opportunity, unique in the midwest, to journey with us through the playwright's works.

See? Simple, succinct, classy. It tells you what the company does and doesn't talk itself in circles.
Another example in a different style from The Hypocrites:

We will make theater. We will respect the audience. We will create a unique theater experience for every production. We will push our own limits in order to push the limits of theater. We will honor the playwright's intentions. We will hold interest in entertainment and art. We will change these rules.

That seems fun! All quirky and shit... You don't agree? Who cares. It's a Mission Statement and at the end of the day, the only people you are trying to please with this is Corporate Donors, Board Members, and Grant Writers.

You need to say that you are the best, give yourself a little rubdown and move on.
*I am not discounting the importance of a great mission statement, but I think that is something you can figure out for yourself. If you are using it as a guide within your company, stop and make a Constitution so everyone understands their rights and responsibilities in your group.

Now, let's move on, briefly to Show Selection.

Part of the beauty of this town is the unending choices of live entertainment you have in front of you. In plays alone, there are usually at least 1oo shows going on at any one time. The sort of plays you decide to do is your decision, but know that if you love to do Eastern European Existential Farces, that no audience is going to come and see it, and plan accordingly.
Get a smaller theater, cut down your marketing budget, because all the advertising in the world will not help you get people into your place.

So, the long and short of it is, do whatever you want. BUT you are also a consumer and know what people want to see, so just keep that in mind.

Press Releases
This, and the subsequent section are the hardest for me to deal with because I do not have many answers. I can tell you that collectively, we make GOD AWFUL press releases with no end in sight.
The problem is not in our writing ability or in our intentions, it is in the fact that we expect everyone else to be as boring as we are.

Vampire Couch Theatre Company is proud to present a devised new work based on The Ancient Fables of Phaedrus. Entitled "The Joy of Sharks and Romans" Vampire Couch seeks to explore what it means to be a human in these trying times of memories and acceptance. Told through Commedia Dell'Arte, Character based Movement, and Rhythm, Vampire Couch shines a provocative light on Humanity.

Sounds ridiculous, right? No one would ever write something like that, right?
If you think that this fake synopsis sounds ridiculous, you ARE right. If you think that no one would ever write something like this, then you are WRONG, bro.

Read a press release every now and then. They are all terrible. Not all. 90% of them are terrible. You are trying to get people to come and see your show! Pay attention!
Is there somebody in your show that is super hot right now? Did the director get great reviews for something else?
Use that in your release!

"From the Producers of 'Mexican Christmas' comes..."

or

"Caroline Neff in..."

Why are we afraid to be celebrities and use our names to sell shows?
Are we afraid of fame? Are we scared we will hurt somebody's feelings? If Rob McLean is in a show and his name is not at the fucking top of the bill, you are doing a disservice to your show.

I went and recently saw a Joe Foust play. Now, please bare in mind that Foust is this city's finest actor. People fucking love him. I love him. Do you know where his name was on the advertising?

In alphabetical order.

Why?

Is it not worth it to you to use a person's name to help promote your show? See, when you run an entertainment business, you need to stay on top of trends and understand the climate of what is popular and who is making things happen.

As I am writing this write now, I am imagining at least 30% of the readers are very involved in Chicago Theatre and have no idea who Joe Foust is. Or Joe Dempsey. Or even Rich Cotovsky or Lance Baker.

Why don't they know?

Because they don't fucking care! They want to make their own little movement based plays and fight for Chase Grants and explore.

It takes 10 minutes to jump around some websites and find out how your actors are with critics. We have things available to us now that we didn't before. TheatreInChicago.com is a great resource for review collections of shows. Go on there and find out about your cast!
We are making a professional decision here to make a show, act like an adult and promote it that way.

If the show is hot, talk about that. You got a great director? Talk about that.

Whatever. Just don't use your play cookie cutter to make a show.

Now, that brings me to Marketing Companies. I know it is very trendy to hire your own Marketing Company right now, and I understand why. Because it is less work for you, less pressure, and you have someone to blame when it doesn't work.

And while they tell you they have 750 contacts they can reach, and you can possibly get on Dueling Critics or they can guarantee a Trib review...go on the internet and see how many new periodical contacts you can get in 30 minutes. Read some of their past work. Ask them who their favorite artists are in town. Chances are, they don't know shit.

I LOVE Shout! Marketing, and think they are knowledgeable and easy to work with, for the record, but unless you have either a hot director, actor or a hot previous show, it's hard for anybody to get Chris Jones to pay attention.

We have created a world where the only voice that is worth anything is Chris Jones at the Trib. There are other great reviewers, including Kerry Reid, Kris Vire and dozens of bloggers that are knowledgeable and worthy of our inclusion .

That being said, the only reviews that make any difference for ticket sales are Chris Jones, a 5 star review from Time Out, and the Asshole at the Times. You cannot worry about what she says, because she doesn't know what she is talking about.

Now, my point is, is that if we continue to rely on reviews from Chris Jones exclusively, we will fail at our potential. He is a smart and nice man, but unfortunately for us, he is also honest.

So how do we turn the tide? We need to constantly be embracing other blogs and periodicals as we would the Trib. Our theatre patrons will follow, if we make it the way. Direct them to sites tat you like and are proud to have in your town. Build their trust. Get a Yelp page.

We, as of today, rely on reviews to sell our shows because we are too lazy to actually try to get subscribers, but if this is going to be the case we need to get creative and put an effort into our exposure through other online sites, AND we need to get off the computer and talk to people and sell our product.

Which brings me to Facebook.
Facebook is our greatest online marketing tool. It connects us with each other in the community and helps us know what else is happening. Now you and I both know, that if we rely exclusively on Facebook to promote our show, then we will fail. We cannot rely on social networking to promote us and keep us afloat. Do not be lazy. People will listen to you speak more than they will read your posts.

That being said, if you have an ensemble member who isn't on Facebook, kick them out.

If you are going to exclusively rely on Facebook, then learn how to use it. Look at your impressions and see what time of day you are getting the most hits. Don't post things at 10pm and expect anyone to read it. The same goes for 7am. Read a book about how to use it correctly, because I am not telling you.

Here's the thing with marketing in this town, too. It's fun! You get to go out and drink! Go to an after party at a theater you have never been to and meet new people. Develop relationships, expand your talent pool. Do not wait for them to come to you, because they won't. They will say that they have never heard of you and change the subject.

We need to make a conscious change in our Facebooking soon because if you haven't noticed, it is suffocating.

You know what is best for your company. You are an artist and can find creative ways to market your product. Stay diligent. Have fun. Bond with fellow artists and learn about the world you are a part of, because lots of other people know about it already and will give your company a chance.

Artistic Directors, make your ensemble go work other places and meet new people. It will help you in the long run. You will meet new faces.

Also, if you are a casting director and you don't go and see theatre then you are an asshole and should be relieved of your duties. Not the same 5 theaters you always go to either. Go! Get out of here and go meet new people!

And last but not least, Marketing Photos.

Go ahead and splurge and take a picture that is interesting. Take a quick walk through a theatre website and look at the artwork you see. It is all awful. The only consistently decent company with this stuff is The House. Why? I dunno. Have you ever seen a House show? I bet at least half of you reading this haven't.

You look at advertising all day, and you are not exempt from making attractive ads. So take a pen around town and see what jumps out at you and what about them are interesting.

If I see one more picture of people standing in corsets in a field I am going to murder you myself.

Chicago, get better at this. Get better at your art and get better at the art of selling your art.



-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

The North Plan (Theater Wit)

Buddeke and Stark look to Lucy Sandy for guidance on sweater fashion

One thing you notice when you arrive at virtually any Chicago Theater is that all companies try to stick to their own genres.

Genres are things that can really help you to find an audience. For example, there are companies that only do Irish plays, Horror plays, plays about food, plays about America, plays about families, plays about Middle Eastern people, plays by one playwright, plays for black people, plays for white people (most theatre companies do plays exclusively for white people), and plays about birds.

So, if I am just a regular guy who loves birds and I don't see a lot of theatre, I might go see this play at Bird Ensemble.

The point is, it takes a lot of nuts and balls and guts and heart to do a play without the safety net of a single genre, because you don't know where your audience is going to come from.

Well, that is exactly what Theater Wit has done with "The North Plan". They have taken their love of every genre ever made and put them all into a single 90 minute play that is sure to delight and inspire you to murder a police officer.

*Note: In my description of this play, I will include the correct genre by the appropriate plot point.

Tanya, a crazy redneck on her way to work, has been arrested for turning herself in for drunken driving (Hillbilly Comedy). She has a long talk with the black lady assistant about her struggle (Civil Rights Drama), and the Sheriff (Small Town Melodrama). Next into the holding cell is Carlton. He doesn't like Tanya because she is loud and obnoxious (Prison Friendship/ Unlikely Partner) but he needs her help because he is talking about how the government has taken over and put the country under martial law. He has a list of some thing or another (Conspiracy Theory), but the Sheriff informs him that unknown officers are coming to collect him and it is important that his name doesn't enter the police system (Existentialism). So he tells Tanya that he needs her help. She makes a sexual advance on him (Romantic Comedy) and he informs her that he is a Gay Jew (Woody Allen).
2 Detectives arrive (Buddy Cop) and rough Carlton up (Torture Porn) telling him that they need the list (Interrogation). Tanya gets out and returns (Mistaken Identity) and there is some hiding (Farce) and then some shooting in the Police Station (Western) which leads to a dramatic conclusion (Yosemite Sam Cartoon).

The performers understand the hefty task they have recognizing and performing in all of these genres and do so with elegant grace and style.

3 performances stand out in my mind as perfect examples of how to just go with it!

Kate Buddeke, as usual, gives her all as a hopeless and unlikeable hick with a heart of oil. See, here's the secret: When the play starts, you think she is a jerk, and when it ends...you still think she is a jerk. She is just a jerk for different reasons. Buddeke herself seems very likable in real life, so get off her back, everybody.

In Chicago, we hold our great male actors up on pedestals, and there is one man that stands at the top of the pedestal with aplomb and a disdain for media types. You will never see him give an interview because he is pure art, You cannot interview art. All you can do is watch and wonder what that art means, and then you can discuss the art over coffee when you leave the museum. In this case, that art's name is Kevin Stark. Stark shines brightly in the winter of our theatrical landscape. A star with a mustache and sex appeal that every generation cannot deny. Your daughters and sons from Bronzeville to West Rogers Park are revering him with posters and chat rooms devoted to his whereabouts and favorite things.
Stark portrays the cagey Carlton and works off of Buddeke magnificently. He treats her with both mercy and respect, intertwined with bouts of confusion and anger.

The last and certainly greatest actor to emerge in Chicago in the last 5 years is Tom Hickey. Hickey has a small but important role and, as always, steals the show and puts it into his duffel bag that he always carries with him. If you ever have an opportunity to meet Tom Hickey, he will undoubtedly be holding his trusty duffel bag and when you ask him what is inside, he won't answer you. He will probably change the subject to the weather or a recent film, but you will know that inside that duffel bag, is the show he has just stolen from everyone and he is going to take it home and impregnate that show.

Applause to Kimberly Senior and Theater Wit for directing and producing this show that, in any other hands, would have been confined to a singular genre, and the magic would be gone.

I loved every rootin-tootin second of it!!!

A+


-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

What To Make Of All These "Slut" Comments (Theories)

While we were talking this morning, the subject came around to the recent Rush Limbaugh comments painting a 30 year old college girl as a “Slut” and the news that Snooki has gone up and got herself engaged. We discussed what it means to be a slut, what it means to be a man, and what we can do about it.
 

Here is our unedited conversation.

We've seen way too much of Snooki...where are the salacious details and dirty pictures of our friends? I'm getting sick of pics of Kate Upton and Megan Fox, why won't all the girls I know on Facebook get naked?

I mean, these are girls who will go on something called a "Slutwalk", but wear jeans and a sensible top. When I open a photo album labeled SLUTWALK 2011...you know what I don't want? Pics of girls smiling in medium shot.

Are we heading towards a world where women are taking back the word slut like African-Americans did with the N word?
 

That’s great!

But, if you want to be treated like a man, and not called a slut, then you need to grab a couple sluts and bend them over a dumpster because that is what MEN do.

Women work day jobs and eat salads for lunch like men do but they refuse to ask for bathroom blowjobs like men do. So what can we do to help them? They are hurting themselves here.

More girls SHOULD be sluts...you wanna act like men? Sleep around, send shirtless pics of yourself to all your friends, and give handies to total strangers.

Only then can slut shaming end, and slut AMAZINGNESS can begin.

I'm giving Andy a handie RIGHT NOW.  Not because I want to, but because society said so

I just sent topless pics to some dude i met at the Jewel-Osco. DOES THAT MAKE ME A SLUT? Then oh well!

I guess I’m a slut.

You wanna shame us for that? Go right ahead...I'll still buttfuck your father, like a MAN would.

With these 24 hour media channels and so much diversity in this country, we've all gone way too far with worrying about what words actually mean.  Slut means you like facials and getting paid a steady wage.
 

Just like a MAN.

“Slut” means something dirty. Being a Man means getting fingerblasted at a party by a work friend and getting really long painted nails.

Do we need a protest for this? Cuz I will get on the bus to Camp David for it. I will fuck my way to the Berlin Wall if that’s what it takes. For people to know what it means to be a dirty, filthy slut.

We're all mad at Snooki because she's a slut on TV...I applaud her for being a real man in a slut's world. And if she wants to clap that booty, then fucking clap it, you MAN!

So all you women out there that want to be paid like a man and treated like a man, then ACT LIKE A MAN and get out there and blow all your boyfriend’s college buddies!

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer

Tom Hickey's Cranberry Ribs (Celebrity Recipe)

We all know who to go to if you want a solid, no-holds-barred performance of a cranky old coot. His name is Tom Hickey and he is the new face for us to get behind. His star has taken off.

From his younger days at Strawdog Theatre, to his Bic Pen commercials, we can all agree that a man this great deserves a great dinner for a big artistic appetite.

Try this at home or at a party for friends...

It's Tom Hickey's Cranberry Ribs!!

Ingredients

• 3 pounds pork loin back ribs
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon pepper
• 1 (14 ounce) can Ocean Spray® Jellied Cranberry Sauce
• 1 (12 ounce) bottle Heinz® Chili Sauce
• 2 tablespoons minced onion
• 1 tablespoon Heinz® Gourmet Red-Wine Vinegar
• 2 teaspoons minced garlic

Directions

1. Spray 4 to 5-quart slow cooker with cooking spray. Cut ribs into 2-rib portions; place in slow cooker covering entire bottom. Sprinkle with salt and pepper.
2. Stir together cranberry sauce, chili sauce, onion, vinegar and garlic. Spoon over ribs. Cover and cook on low for 6 to 7 hours or until ribs are tender. Remove ribs from slow cooker. Discard liquid.

Makes 6 servings!

Overtime

Ok, America.

Here’s where we are at.

Clint Eastwood just made an ad telling us it was halftime in America.  This was an Obama ad, disguised as a car ad, disguised as the end of The Natural.

So where are we really? Is it halftime right now in America?

Let’s take a look at some recent examples of the state of this little corner of Earth we call Home.

We have a black president.  Great job!  However, everyone is now extra racist because we never thought he’d be this good at it.  Which was stupid, because look what happened when black people started playing baseball.

I don’t want to sound reverse racist, but listen. Everything black people can do now, they are better at it than white people. Presidenting? Yep. Sporting? Yep. Writing? Did you know that Shakespeare was black?

Virginia has a problem with guns. You see, a few years back, whenever there was a murder on the East Coast, you could trace the weapon back to Virginia literally 90% of the time. Then they passed a law that said that you could only buy 1 gun a month and murders went down across the East by 15%.

Now, they are repealing the law because it is “Unconstitutional” for me to only buy 1 fucking gun a month. That’s just 12 guns a year!

All judges examine the constitution by getting in a time machine and heading back to 1790.  They then ask about a dozen white slave-owners what they think of copyright law for the Apple App Store.  After they get chased back to the time machine by mobs carrying pitchforks and slaves carrying slave owners, they come back and rule incorrectly about everything you love.

But, then, our biggest export is ENTERTAINMENT!  We make billions on movies both here and abroad.  The trailer for the next big blockbuster just appeared in our webzone today...for The Amazing Spider Man!

This film is a reboot of the Tobey Maguire vehicle from 2001, which was a reboot of the animated series from the 90s, which was an offshoot of the long running comic book, which was based on the writings of Plutarch.

ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING SPIDERMAN!! Listen, movie producers think it’s ok to just turn down the lights and put a British man in the lead and send it back over to us? We already bought this, quit selling it. Also, America is hungry for entertainment! We want pussy and we want blood and death, and you keep feeding us a man in tights fighting a lizard.

Did you know that Ang Lee made a movie called The Hulk?  Did you know that The Incredible Hulk starred Ed Norton?  Did you know that The Avengers is coming this summer and that Mark Ruffalo is now the Hulk?  Do you even give one squirt of piss who the Hulk is anyway?

Why don’t you make movies we want to see? What about a movie about “Neil Gaiman’s Sandman”? Since everybody is in love with Downton Abbey and Porn, you know we are ready to get weird.

So let’s get fucking weird, movie studios!

These are End Times, folks.  Even Madonna knew that, and gave us a Superbowl halftime show that Nero himself would be proud to watch while taking a dump in a horse’s mouth.

Speaking of false idols, let’s talk for a sec. We, as a “Christian Nation” spend a lot of time worshipping false idols just to turn on them when they need us most. Case in point, Michael Jackson.

Now what had Michael Jackson done for us? He entertained ALL of us, he gave billions to charity, he taught us all how we can come from nothing to be the most famous person on the planet, basically he was the American Dream. And what did you do?

The second somebody says that a child has been molested over at his house, you call the cops and send him to court.   

This motherfucker made Thriller.  THRILLER.

THRILLER!

He made every hit we love, and he touches a couple kids that nobody wants and you get upset? Don’t you think we owe him a few?

Anybody that makes “Off The Wall” can Sandusky a few kids.

I think the best we can do to grant Mike some peace in this time is to force Joe Jackson to undergo extensive plastic surgery and skin lightening to make him look like the neighbor on the Jeffersons, and then get British Joe Jackson to play his abusive dad on a reality program we all get to watch.  Call it STEPPING OUT with JOES JACKSON.

If all we have to do is give him a couple kids that nobody wants, some scrips, and his father a weirdo facelift, then that is not too much to ask for! We all need to sacrifice for our new Gods!

Shame on you, America.

Here are some more examples of the way America has been acting:

Newt Gingrich’s Moonbase Idea

Keeping Up With The Kardashians

Papa John’s Pizza

Westboro Baptist Church

Our unflinching acceptance of the Syrian Revolution

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit WITHOUT Benson and Stabler

Sleeve Tattoos

RON PAUL

A law making all Porn Stars in California required to wear condoms

Vibrator commercials on prime time television

Soybean Gene Modification Patents

American Girl Place

and none of this... none of this was mentioned in Clint Eastwood’s CORPORATE AUTOMOTIVE COMMERCIAL!

Do you know who paid for that commercial? You.

We’ll be the first guys to say it, and it needs to be said, because we are in Overtime, and the only stocks you need to invest in are leather and shotguns, because shit is about to get real Mad Max in this bitch...

Fuck you, Clint Eastwood, you old shilling hack.  Don’t you dare LIE to me!

Now, we have taught a dog how to use a typewriter, and have unlimited prescriptions for Oxycontin and 3 years worth of soup on a Cigarette Boat in Missouri.

So, once it all goes down, you’ll never find us, because we will be holed up in our Hunter S. Thompson retreat popping pills and watching endless episodes of Columbo.

We will also be selling tickets to the Thunderdome on eBay, so good luck, suckers.


A+

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer