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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Please Boicot This Show: The New Colony's Rise of the Numberless


"The show is called r1s3 of the numb3rl3ss (remove the jarg) which i could call rise of the dumber fellas.

Basically america celebrates the adoption of a one child policy that saves the country and i suppose the world from starvation, cancer, unemployment, war, and many other catastrophes.

But as you could guess the stars in the show are a group of tinfoil hats that have as many children as they want because they dont care at all about other people suffering, and that are shown as victims being fugitives on the ran.

Seriously, make a law to charge every cast member, technician, scripter, director, and VERY SPECIALLY the producers for every unemployed and poor people in the world, they will lost EVERYTHING AND EVERY PROPERTY and it will be like an useless drop in the mouth of an utterly thirsty behemoth growing at the speed of light and killing hundred millions every year in many ways."
 -Internet Commenter userwords, from the forum A Childfree Life, which claims to be A Safe Haven in a Baby-Crazed World

I love when people are crazy on the internet, I mean, I looooooooooooove it.  There's now a way to pinpoint exact locations of insanity in the online world and completely ignore it, or secretly revel in it.  Like, back in the old Chicago days, we would say things like "Oh, man, don't even LOOK at the Wooden Nickel off of Wilson.  They will throw a shiv at you through the front door."  But now, you can go to the Wooden Nickel as a ghost and just hang out in the corner while drunken immigrants scream about people having babies.

This commenter (we'll call her Wanda) is incoherently bitching about "Rise of the Numberless", a new musical collaboration between the Bailiwick Theatre and local legends The New Colony.  Now, I dig The New Colony...they are a bunch of nice people who do hard work and make new musicals, which in an America where ANIMAL HOUSE is being adapted as a musical for the Broadway stage is an incredibly fucking daunting task.  And this one sounds particularly intriguing...a rock concert in support of the "numberless" children of the world who have become fugitives from society in a "One Child, One Nation" type of sci-fi dystopian future.  Actually, sounds pretty bitchin', and if I know The New Colony it's going to be intelligent and entertaining and fun!

Now, let's breakdown what Wanda here is trying to accomplish in her poorly worded post to "Boicot this show."  I want to concentrate on her last paragraph, because oh god it's so insane:
Seriously, make a law to charge every cast member, technician, scripter, director, and VERY SPECIALLY the producers for every unemployed and poor people in the world, they will lost EVERYTHING AND EVERY PROPERTY and it will be like an useless drop in the mouth of an utterly thirsty behemoth growing at the speed of light and killing hundred millions every year in many ways.
First of all, you can tell she is serious because she uses the word Seriously.  "Seriously, aliens are hiding plans to destroy country up anus."  What anus, slick?  Your story fell apart in the last moments.

Make a law to charge every one involved for every unemployed and poor person in the world.  Wait, make a law?  A law?  You are aware this is a fictional musical running at a small not-for-profit theater space in Chicago that at the most, maybe 1000 people will see?  No offense, I mean, I hope millions of people see it, but I'm not a crazy lady typing in broken English on an internet forum that celebrates killing babies to cut down smog levels.

Here's my favorite part though, the thesis statement of her magnum opus.  "...They will lost EVERYTHING AND EVERY PROPERTY and it will be like an useless drop in the mouth of an utterly thirsty behemoth growing at the speed of light and killing hundred millions every year in many ways."

Wow.  An utterly thirsty behemoth growing at the speed of light is quite a simile.  You sure you want to go to the "behemoth" analogy?  I mean, I crave some good crazy monsters who suffer from gigantism and murderous psychopathic tendencies but does one want to close with that?  Especially if you are trying to get normals on your side?  Kind of Book of Revelations, in my opinion, which is a pretty good book but it's no 2nd Corinthians.  Let's not kid ourselves, it's too pretty of a day.

Anyway, don't boicot a show.  Never boicot any show, for God's sake, what are we children?  Still, it was nice of Wanda to give Rise of the Numberless all this free pubilicity.  I wonder why more people don't realize that the average human will line up to do something when you tell them specifically not to do it?  Oh, because they are crazy people, that's right.

Thanks, Wanda!

A+

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer

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