I should warn you, this review won't be interesting. Because my office Holiday party was lame. I mean, really horrible. See, no one has any money, so here were the 1st 3 clues that this office party was not going to be a Mad Men style drug fueled sex game:
1 - Pot luck dinner. We couldn't even go out for lunch like we did last year. They made us bring our own food. Hey, jerks, I eat my own food at home. At parties, I like wings and taquitos from Harry Caray's or the Tilted Kilt.
2 - No booze. Are you kidding, office? Seriously, how the hell could we have gotten in trouble for this? We had no money for food anyway, and I can't bring in my special Hot Doggery Purple Panty Punch? I'm telling you, this major oversight ruined everything.
3 - Silly ass games. Seriously. A book exchange and a game where we have to guess which co-worker is lying about something.
Let me explain this for the last time: I work with a whole crew of hot women. And I mean HOT...if these girls had stage presence, they would be great porn stars. I am never going to understand why I didn't speak up a few weeks ago about this. Because I should have said:
"Hey, powers that be, let's have a 50's themed office party! Every one can wear fun slinky dresses and skinny ties, we can all smoke, I'll bring punch and a cheese log topped with spam chunks, and we can make a few dozen pitchers of cape cods. Oh, and no blacks."
Instead, I won a used copy of "The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency" and had to go back to my cubicle after the "party." Screw you, Jesus!
-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer