Nick's On Wilson- Restaurant (GUEST REVIEWER JOSH VAUGHN)

Whaddup botches! Josh Vaughn back with another Bar review you can eiws! This time, I checked out Nick’s on Wilson. This one is important cuz normally, I don’t go farther north than Irving Park (unless I’m gonna get some. I’m not a dunce, yo.)

I mean, Wrigley Ville is my set. Every door guy knows me. I got mad cred. That, and, let’s face it, Uptown ain’t exactly Naperville, bro. I heard some dude got a Columbian necktie up there once.

Normally, Nick’s Uptown is my cutoff, but lately, it’s a meat market, total butcher’s sausage shop. Wall to wall dude. And that bitch behind the bar charged me for shots, AGAIN, so I’m boycotting that shit.

It was late on a Tuesday, and this totally hot chick that I worked with (and who totally wants me, she just don’t wanna admit it, I’ve-got-a-boyfriend crap) was in town getting work done at Tattoo Factory. So she’s all “Let’s go to Nick’s, but I’m not drinking.” And I’m all like, “oh, sure thing, doll. Whatever you want.” Meanwhile, I’m fishing in my pocket for that extra GHB (Always be prepared, fellas).

So we got to the place on Wilson and Racine and I’m like, bro. Yikes. It’s like a good night in South Detroit. (Fuckin JOURNEY!!!!). We get to the place, and it ain’t bad. Got a nice layout, like a speakeasy or something. Cool old school bar. They got these weird porno paintings on the wall. The best part, though, is they got one of those mini shuffle board games in the back! Hey man, best way to score some beer money is to school some dumbass on this thing.

But, man, the bartender, first off, was a DUDE! Some fuckin’ heavy metal guy who kept playing Cannibal Corpse or whatever on his I-pod. I mean, would it kill you to play some Kings of Leon, or Three Doors Down!? Those guys rock! And he was all too cool for school, and I’m like, fuck you, bro! Go get your roadie job for Slipknot back!

And the place was empty, which is another reason you need some hotness behind the bar, like Coyote Ugly, or Duffy’s. I mean, I barbacked, bro. I know the business.

So they got a decent selection on tap. I rocked the PBR, so I could get some Jaeger Bombs (always budget, dudes. That way the girl thinks you give a fuck.) They got other weird stuff, too, like Shiner Bock, and that Revolution Brewery place. They got decent specials depending on the night ($4 Blue moon, $4 Jameson shots). And they’re open till 4am, which is the main attraction.

I totally ran into some buddies, we hung out, got some shots, but it was my girl that took priority. But she’s all, I gotta drive home to Champaign or wherever, and I’m all like, Fine! I get you ginger ale, and tell you you’re beautiful, and I ain’t getting any play!?! So the bouncer threw me out, but it was close to closing anyway.

So, wrap up. Nick’s on Wilson, it’s all right, but it should be called Uptown Cock Block. Next time I’m going to Big Shitty.



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