ALL GIRL MOBY DICK - The Chicago Mammals EXCLUSIVE ANNOUNCEMENT

Listen up.

The Chicago Mammals are ready to freak your brain out.  They are born and bred to blow your shit out of your ass and do things on stage that will make your peehole pucker up.  You'll wonder why they haven't taken over the Chicago storefront scene.  But then you realize...THEY HAVE.

ALL GIRL MOBY DICK.  Let's talk about that title.  Pure brilliance, because it makes you get your ass into the theater.  But this isn't some lame burlesque show based on Frogger.  This is a troupe of women who can act their asses off.  You forget that they are girls, and just get into their characters, who happen to be dudes.  Doesn't matter.

But let's be honest.  If this was a show called MOBY DICK, and just had a bunch of dudes in it I would have never ever ever seen it and just stayed home and watched Captain America again, because that movie rules.

Erin Orr as Ishmael lures you in with her tortured monologues.  Christy Arington as Stubb is the dirtiest, scariest scalywag this side of The Corsican Brothers.  But then there's Amy FUCKING Harmon as Ahab.  This is a tour de force performance.  Her maniacal pursuit of the white whale infects everything she touches with madness.  She destroys the stage.

John Wilson's minimal design uses every inch of the Mammals Zoo Studios and it is gorgeous and totally cray cray.  Bob Fisher's direction is raw and dangerous, and Fisher and Sara Gorsky's script is cut to the bone and gets to the heart of Melville's tale of tragic hubris.

Plus, Christopher Cross' "Sailing" appears on the pre-show soundtrack.

And guess what?  Here's the exclusive news:  THEY ARE ADDING SHOWS.

These are the remaining dates:

Friday and Saturday May 18th and 19th
Friday and Saturday May 25th and 26th
Friday and Saturday June 1st and 2nd
Friday and Saturday June 8th and 9th

All performances are at 8pm – BYOB

Zoo Studios
4001 N. Ravenswood Ave Ste 205
Chicago, IL 60613

If you don't see this show, then you are a real jerk.  Don't be a jerk!

See some original theater!  Stop wasting your life!

All Girl Moby Dick - A (for ALL HOT ASS GREAT ACTOR GIRLS)

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer

An Open Letter to Sir Chris Jones, of Berkelyfordshire-on-Thames

Dear Sir Or Madame,

After reading your article yesterday on the summer seasons of Chicago Theaters, we were taken aback! For reasons known throughout our fair city, you are seen as a leading figurehead and proponent of Storefront Theatre and in many cases, help set the future for our organizations.

As we all are aware, you are the number one theatrical critic in town, with the boys and girls at the stalwart Time Out Chicago following a distant second. Basically, what you say goes. Like when you said The House was the next big thing and we all said “Yes, of course they are.” And now look at them!

For you to say to the people of our city that there is no good work happening in town during the summer months leaves us all feeling a little confused and lonely. Like a battered child. We are begging for your love and support, and then you talk about how Rock Of Ages is the only thing happening in town and then you call us ugly and leave for a pack of cigarettes in New York and we think you might not ever come back. And then, we would just be left alone with our drunken mother, Hedy Weiss.

We’ve worked so HARD, daddy. Look at just this small example of our clamoring for your approval: Last night, we attended a show at Steep Theatre, a company that you wrote glowing things about in the very recent past. This show was gorgeously designed, beautifully acted, and brilliantly written! And the people there in the audience loved it! But, who cares, when you go and completely ignore the fact that directing hero Jon Berry is taking the reins of their next production MOMENT which has its U.S. premiere on JULY 12th. Isn’t that the summertime, daddy? Isn’t that the summertime?

Not only Steep, but there are dozens of other shows opening during the summer also. Look, the point is, when you write your articles to the masses, and you have the biggest following of any voice in our community, please be our voice! If tourists are coming to town during the summer and are looking for plays, please don’t tell them that they are out of luck. Rather use it as an opportunity to tout the companies that need the touting. If we cannot rely on you for help, then we are all going to fail.

You have what we all want, Sir, and that is glorious, glorious ACCESS. You have an ongoing column and blog on one of the biggest media platforms in the United States. And you just used it to tell everyone that Chicago storefront theatre has been the victim of a 40 megaton blast north of Division Street and it’s just gone. We all died, or are scrambling for leftover cans of hash in the smoky ruins of a Jewel-Osco, fighting off the Griffin Theater Ensemble, who have all mutated into psychic vampires.

Did you know that The Right Brain Project has a show opening with 29 people in it? Saints preserve us, Christopher. If you do not help us, how can we compete against that? They have everyone in their show! If you do not help us bring new visitors into our homes, then the cast of that show will come to your office and eat your British flesh from your body, and there will be a new leading voice in town. His name will be Tom Williams, because he loves us and he carries a gun everywhere he goes.

Speaking of guns, did you have one to your head when you wrote that article? Was it being held by Broadway In Chicago? I bet you pissed in your pants.

They definitely had a gun, because there is no other reason you would forget about us. We might not “know as much” as the actors in Rock Of Ages, and maybe we don’t have the “street cred” that Phylicia Rashad does, but we try so hard for you. Please, man. Please.


We are here for you, so please be here for us,

Eric and Andy

PS - Will you please write a review of Friday Night Smackdown for our blog? We feel like you would have a nice take on today’s wrestling. Plus, The Rock HAS COME BACK! Come on!

Rise Of The Numberless (The New Colony and Bailiwick Chicago)

True Story:
A few years ago, while I was moving, I lost my Social Security card and passport. All I had was my expired driver's license. So when I went to the DMV to get it renewed, they ripped it up in my face and told me that it was illegal to have it. So there I was with 0 identification. I went to get a Social Security card and they told me I needed a photo ID. I went to get a photo ID and they told me I needed a Social Security card.
They told me my one hope to get back into regular society was to get a copy of my high school transcripts sent up form Kentucky, but when I asked for them, the lady on the phone asked me to fax over a copy of my photo id.
So, I went to my Alderman and explained my situation. After about 2 weeks of checking, they told me there was nothing they could do, and that I was on my own.
For 2 years, I lived with no identification besides a birth certificate, because there is no way to receive one piece of paper without having another.
Eventually, I discovered a law that was made for people born in the early 1900's in Mississippi. You see, in a small region of Mississippi, all the old records were held in a church and about 20 years ago, there was a fire. That fire destroyed many people's original birth certificates making it impossible for them to get passports. So Congress passed a law allowing for you to go to a post office and fill out about 10 pieces of paper and take along someone who has known you for more than 5 years who is willing to swear to your identity, and then you can get on a list for possible approval for a passport. But that is the only way. Well, when I explained this to the lady at the post office, she of course had never heard of this law and told me to kindly go fuck myself.
On my second visit, I arrived with papers and mother ready to not take no for an answer. She was persuaded to allow it, after many calls to passport headquarters.
3 years I lived without ID. Off the grid. 3 years of being numberless.

There is an original play going on right now in Chicago by BoxWine Theatre Company called "Rise Of The Numberless: The Anderson Lawfer Story". It is mainly about my rise. It is pretty good, but I am not sure how they got this information from me. Well, I was watching it, and everyone is pretty good in it, but then on the bus ride home, I was flipping through the Red Eye and I heard about  whole separate play in town called "Rise Of The Numberless" which apparently had nothing to do with the play about me at all!

Well, this I had to see!

Rise Of The Numberless is co-produced by 2 extremely popular companies in town. The New Colony, known for their devised work and college kid go-get-em-ness and The Bailiwick Chicago, known to us older gentlemen as a place for straight guys to get naked on stage for gay guys. I don't think Bailiwick is like that anymore, but let us never forget our past lest we repeat it.

This play is about this group of roustabouts and tramps who cruise through the USA telling their story of how they became these vagrant bums.

Turns out, they live in the future where there is a one child law. Except instead of penalizing the parents, like how they do in China, they penalize the kids by sending them down the river like Moses. But these Moseses don't become Kings of Jews or build any arks. These Moseses play rock and roll music and bang each other like high schoolers!

NOW THAT'S MY KIND OF MOSES!

See, all the regular people have these computer chips in their arms, and that is how you know who is legit and who isn't, because this gang of Walkalongs don't have any chips. They got nothing but the shirts on their backs and the glam rock makeup on their faces.

Now we learn that there are groups, or "pods" of numberless people all over the country but we stay with the Washington DC Pod for the whole show. I wish we got to see other pods, because I bet the Catskills Pod wears big bowties and tells old jokes. I bet the Branson Pod gets a lot of visitors with their Jesus loving country music shows!

But this DC Pod is ok, too.

So, this pod has been accused of assassinating the President of the United States, I think. Or they were accused? No, I think they are accused of it. So they are trying to get their story out to the masses that they aren't terrorists, but rather, your brothers and sisters. They are part of your family and all they want is to see you again and be loved. Also, they want to sing in tight harmonies and put on plays!

Now, I am a big fan of The Temptations and The Four Tops, and I have to tell you that if you are going to spend all this time on your tight harmonies, it wouldn't kill you to add a few dance moves. You know who else has dance moves with their tight harmonies? The Detroit Pod.

The music in this show is great. It's a little bit Hedwig, a little bit Dark Side Pink Floyd, and a little bit Scissor Sisters. Basically, it's everything you want to hear.

It was written by some dude with a ponytail and this lady I think. They can't give you press packets because they are on the run from the law, but I saw those 2 people there, so I will assume they wrote it.

The cast is supreme. All of them can sing, and they move around the way you want a cast to move. They work as a group, like a recently oiled, grubby, post apocalyptic clock.

Since there were no names for the actors in the program, I will have to do my best with telling you whom I thought were stand outs.

The incredible Nikki Klix plays the stage manager of the show, I think? But she is also an actor in the show within the show, too. She has the best hair for rocking. Her voice soars like a California Condor above the bleak desert in California. The frightful Mexican wrestler-ish Aaron Alonso plays this guy with a top hat that that is very watchable, mainly because you always want to keep track of your belongings around Mexicans, but also because he as this super live energy that is fun and playful. It is very important to be playful in times like these.

There is also the trifecta of excitement with Michael Peters as an ex-football star, Danny Taylor as a white lipped Temptress, and Michael Harnichar as a guy who is maybe not real? I'm not sure what the story was with him. I think his character is only in someone's imagination or something. He was good, though, real or not.

If you get caught up wondering about the story, you will lose track of what is so cool about this show. It is total immersion, from the moment you walk to the building till the time you leave.

This is what Chicago Theatre is supposed to be. Gritty, punkrock, in your face, Guerilla style Art that makes your hair stand up on your neck and your balls shrink up into your abdomen. Or your vagina.

I loved it because it made me inspired.

I felt like I saw something that was new and interesting and arresting.

We all need to see and perform in shows like this, so we don't forget why we decided to join this stupid industry in the first place.

They have booze there, too.


A++


-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach 

  









 

Johnny Theatre (Chemically Imbalanced Comedy)

We all know LA is full of vapid, empty shallow people who would push their mothers off a cliff for a two-line part in a terrible pilot.  Chicago, on the other hand, is full of true artistes that work together with an ensemble approach that, if given the chance, would settle the strife and misery of the world in short order.  With Meisner.

Also, LA is where all the really good actors go to do real work with all the other great actors that are beloved by all the world.   Chicago is where those that aren’t good enough basically make pretentious, -important ‘plays’ that were really edgy in 1954.  Or were big hits OFF-OFf-off Broadway a few years ago.

In Johnny Theatre, now playing at the Chemically Imbalanced Theater, we find out what happens when these two worlds collide and let me tell you gentle readers, it ain’t pretty.  But it is funny, so you can laugh through your tears. I know I did.

  

Whether you are a Chicago actor or an LA actor this play has something to make you feel superior and pathetic about yourself.  Everybody wins! Ish!

The play stars Chicago’s answer to Zach Galifianakis, Anderson Lawfer, as a big movie star guy (Jonathon Duva) that comes back to his old theatre company to stage his terrible play.  The company is broke and going nowhere, so of course they agree.

But LA people are assholes, even when they buy you dinner, so the rehearsal process doesn’t go very well.

If you have ever been in a storefront theatre production, you will see a lot of crazy things that are kind of sad because it’s really pretty much like that.   Treading the line between the outrageous  and outrageously accurate, Mike Beyer and Kirk Pynchon pull off a pretty neat trick.

Early on we meet the cast of the Duva’s play:

Dexter (a stoned Dante Bugli) is that slack-ass actor that never have his shit together, is always late, but will probably get a Jeff Nomination and a national commercial.

Richard (a mustached Arne Saupe) the ‘old pro’ that is only doing this show at such a ‘small’ company because he wants to get as close to the movie star as possible.

 Holly  (a neatly groomed Alison Clayton ) is the actress that is convinced that everyone wants to bang her. 

Ray (a caleby Caleb Probst) is plays that really sweet guy in the cast that decides at the first read through that you and him are going to be best pals and will never leave you alone.

Stage Manager Phil (a thank you 5 minutes Bryan Beckwith) is the long suffering poor sap that has to wrangle these poor souls.

Elizabeth (a not in the boat Lauren Bourke) is that poor actress that a director can tell is so eager to please that they always totally fuck with her.

Kathi (a $50 stipendly Alexandria Frenkel) is the intern.  I think you can guess what Duva does to her.

And Artistic Director  Dana (a level-headed, devoted, overworked, underpaid Casey Pilkenton) is the level-headed, devoted, over worked, underpaid Artistic Director that we all know and should have empathy for.   

And the you will be surprised at how nice and understanding the landlord of the theatre turns out to be!  Dana and Bob the landlord (a dashing Chicago Residential Landlord Tenant Ordinance Michael Derting.)

So you’ve got the diluted Hollywood actor and this cast of familiar Chicago theatre types.  The play being produced is a musical that takes place in the Depression called ‘Dusty’.   The premise of ‘Dusty’ is ridiculous and yet it is as good, or better then a lot of what you will see in someone’s 2012/2013 season brochure.   

Representing LA is (fair toothed) Catherine Dildiian as a perma-smile Hollywood reporter and (beautifully headbanded) Ray Ready plays Duva’s ever jogging assistant with panache, style and gayness. 

In the 2^nd act we meet the new French director George (a surrender-ly Adam Schulmerich) and we know this project is doomed.  Let’s face it; the one thing that will always sink a Chicago off-loop production is a French person.

I think that is really the lesson here.  As hard as it is to mix the divergent worlds of Big Shouldered Chicago and Big Everything Los Angeles there is one thing we can all agree on.  The French are terrible. 

As a consumer advocate I would suggest you go see this play if you’ve ever been in, produced, seen or know someone involved in a storefront theatre production.

17 stars! 

-Michael Dailey

How To Treat A Playwright In Chicago (Randall Colburn)

                                                     Even August Wilson rewrote his boring plays

As a playwright, I work on a lot of new plays. Mainly my own, since the plays I write are usually new. I’m not the kind of playwright who goes to rehearsals constantly. It’s important to let the director, designers, and actors do their thing without some scarf-ensconced asshole hanging around, smoking his pipe, and sighing resignedly when you mess up a line. When I am there, though, it’s easy to feel like an alien, especially in storefront theater, where many actors and directors haven’t had the chance to work closely with a playwright and the limited resources have the potential to hinder the creative process through sheer practicalities.

As a means of introduction to fringe-dwellers interested in working on a new play with a playwright in the room, I’ve compiled this handy guide. I hope it helps.

(Addendum: Aside from my own experience in the storefront community, I haven’t done, like, research or anything, and I do not presume to speak for other writers. When I say playwright, I mean me, though I don’t feel I’m too off-center here.)

1          We’re going to rewrite.

Though it may seem like a load off your shoulders at first, if you’re working on a new play where the playwright is present in the rehearsal room and is not rewriting, or not at least fine-tuning, you’re probably fucked.

On the regular, though, it’s going to happen. So don’t try to stop us. It doesn’t matter how much work we’ve done on the play before rehearsals. When rehearsals start, and actors start saying our words and stumbling over our words and walking around with our words coming out of their mouths, things are going to start changing. It isn’t because we don’t like you, or don’t feel like you’re doing a good job, it’s because making a play is like building a spice rack: you don’t know how crooked the shelves are until you try and put a bunch of spice jars on them. Give us the space to straighten those shelves so you guys don’t fall all over yourselves and spill spice everywhere. Spice. Metaphor. Yay.

Now, the playwright may tell you beforehand: “Ya know, I’m feeling really good about it. I doubt I’ll do that much, really.”

That’s a lie. I say that shit all the time, and I’m always wrong. My play HESPERIA had already had a well-recieved production at Right Brain Project before it opened at Writers’ Theatre, and I still rewrote the whole damn thing.

So never trust a word the playwright says when it comes to them being finished. They’re not. They never will be. And since that’s the case…

2          Give us a deadline.

And be vigilant about it, dammit. Make it a week or two weeks before tech. That’s usually good.

Some people use the word “cement.”

“We should cement the script by that point.”

All that should mean is no more big changes. No new scenes, no new characters, no new tech. Fine-tuning never stops. Stop worrying about your actors. If your actors are professionals, they can handle it. So, actors, on that note…

3           Embrace the fact that you’ll be memorizing, unmemorizing, and rememorizing things constantly.

We’re probably going to cut all your favorite lines, add ones you don’t like, cut those, add others, and end up with some amalgamation of it all. Embrace it. You’re part of a living, gestating piece of art. That’s exciting, even when it isn’t, and it’s a damn good skill set to have.  Along those same lines, keep a binder, dammit. And replace old pages with new ones. Don’t put the new ones in that pocket in the front. You’ll forget. You always forget. Which leads me to my next point:

4          Get access to a free printer.

Working on rewrites during HESPERIA rehearsals at Writers’ Theatre was a revelation for me. Why? Two reasons:

a        Bobby Kennedy

b       Writers’ Theatre has their own printer

See, Bobby Kennedy is their literary associate, and a printer prints stuff. So Bobby did the printing, which he was happy to do since that’s part of his full-time job. And their printer printed stuff really quickly because it’s a big printer. They even printed each set of rewrites in a different color, so we could keep track! The best part of it all: I didn’t have to do it, pay for it, or hide it from my bosses at Groupon.

But that’s rare in the storefront scene. I’ve done about 10 shows on the fringe where I didn’t have direct access to Bobby Kennedy and his magical, multicolored printer. We print from our piddly desk printers, or covertly do it at work, or go to Screenz and pay stupid amounts of money.

And all of that is fine. Just have a plan in place. You’re going to have to print a lot of pages, get them organized, and hand them out to actors. Speaking of actors, make your damn actors do it themselves. We’re all in this together.  Have a printing plan. Or make it part of the budget. If it’s a new play, it’s necessary. Believe me.

Oh, and don’t waste copies on the playwright. We always have our laptops. Unless we don’t. I always do. Whatever. As for us playwrights…

5         Ask, don’t tell.

Talking to us can be hard. We know. We know that you know that we put our blood and guts into this play, and we want you to know that we know that it’s hard for you to bring concerns to us, as you don’t want to offend us, or make us feel unloved. But we DO want you to bring concerns to us, because clearly we respect you and your opinion enough to be working with you. BUT, we are also fragile, sensitive creatures who put our blood and guts into this play, and if you tell us our play isn’t perfect we’ll probably go home and cry a lot. To offset this, do us this favor:

Don’t tell us what’s wrong with our play.

Please, don’t say:

“I don’t think my character would do this.”

or

“I think the ending is contrived.”

or

“I think you suck.”

Instead, ask us questions.

But please, don’t ask questions like:

“What the hell does this mean?”

or 

“Why do you hate women?”

or

“Who do you think you are?”

Ask us what we were thinking when we wrote a certain scene. Or why we feel this monologue is important. Or why we chose to dedicate ourselves to writing instead of something more wholesome, like, say, baseball.

Make us explain ourselves. If we don’t have an answer, we’ll probably get where you’re coming from, because you’ve so cleverly let us discover your own concern on our own. Any tension or discomfort has been evaded, because the prickly playwright figured it out his or herself. Speaking of preserving the relationship between director and playwright, and preserving that relationship is important…

6. Have a game plan.

Playwrights can be hella distracting, especially if you give them free reign. I don’t shut the fuck up. It’s awful. In college, when my first play was produced I mouthed along with the words during rehearsal. I was such a little asshole. Combat this by laying the ground rules. Here’s ones I would recommend:

* The playwright only speaks in rehearsal if asked a direct question.

* The playwright filters all of his or her thoughts through a director or dramaturg.

* The playwright sends all rewrites to the director or dramaturg before disseminating to the cast.

* The director keeps the playwright in the loop with any major updates.

* Nobody bangs each other until the show’s open. 

-Randall Colburn

Catch Randall's play "The Improv Play"

Johnny Theatre (Gang of Actors/CIC)

Being an actor in Chicago storefront theater is HARD, bros.  You graduate from college, make your way up here, get cast in a few things, and then blam...14 years of work that no one saw, 14 years of office day jobs or waiting tables or barista gigs, 14 years of not having a car, 14 years of terrible winters, 14 years of trying trying trying and feeling like you have been both blessed and cursed at the same time.

Most people would never ever do this.  They would look at the long hours and lousy compensation and say, "I think a business degree is in order, or maybe I'll look into becoming an electrician."  But...at the same time, there is the visceral thrill of it, the people that came into your life that are now your family, and the indescribable feeling of working on something really really good and knowing that it can be worth it.

Well, leave it to Mike Beyer and Kirk Pynchon to laugh in your face regarding every good thing you've accomplished!  Their new show Johnny Theatre is up and running over at Chemically Imbalanced Comedy on Irving Park and Southport, and it is a send-up of the Chicago storefront scene done with a loving touch and a dirty tweak to your bottom!

The set-up is classic comedy...Johnathan Duva, a big-time movie star and Hollywood player, has written a script and now wants to return to his former stomping grounds, the dirty little Havoc Theater in Chicago to produce his masterwork.  He promises a gritty, storefront masterpiece, that should "kick theater right in the nuts!"  Well, of course, this is all news to the current Havoc staff including Artistic Director Dana Proudfit.  She's been in charge of the Havoc for a dozen years, and has a relationship with Duva from the old days.  Well, let me tell you, the sparks FLY!

Johnathan is portrayed by my work-wife Anderson Lawfer, and all of Andy's formidable tools are at his disposal.  Duva is a character that you LOVE to hate, and his madness and "L.A." -ness will drive you up a wall, especially if you've ever had to work with a diva who thought his poop did not smell.  It's a captivating and funny performance, and Lawfer shows some serious balls in taking on this horrible, horrible douchebag and making you want to watch him for 2 hours.  That's a lot to ask of an audience, but Andy pulls it off with aplomb!

Also full of aplomb is Casey Pilkenton as Dana Proudfit.  Every wacky comedy needs a straight man, someone with whom the audience can relate to as the rock amidst the currents of this crazy band of lunatics.  Casey grounds her character with the wisdom and hangdog defeatism of someone who has worked too hard for too long with not much to show for it.  Her slow-burns are a wonder, and her explosions at Johnathan are legendary.  The chemistry between her and Lawfer is great stuff.  Off stage romance?  Hmmmm?  You heard it here first!

And the cast is rounded out by some wonderful young and hungry actors.  The perky Lauren Bourke, the handsome Alexandria Frenkel, the cutie pie Dante Bugli, and the hilarious Alison Clayton are just some of whom I will mention.  The rest are all very good, and game for anything!  I love watching sweet young things doing theater...it makes me yearn for another time.  The 1890s, actually.  I want to go to the 1890s and do a show with the cast of Johnny Theatre.  Maybe a revue with dancing girls!

The show is great fun, and the laughs keep on coming!  I will say this...the show is too long.  And I'd like you all to skip ahead a paragraph, except for Mike and Kirk.

Dear Mike & Kirk,

Great writing job, guys!  Now, do you remember the film Caddyshack?  Of course you do, how could you forget that classic comedy!  Now, what is the thing you remember about the plot of Caddyshack?  It involved a guy named Danny who was a caddy at a hoity-toity country club.  The club is lorded over by Judge Smails (the incomparable Ted Knight), an asshole blue-blood of the first degree.  Here's something that is true about many, many comedies that people have forgotten.  I liked when Danny won in the end, but I don't care about that.  What I liked MOST was that Judge Smails was PUBLICLY HUMILIATED AND RUINED.  The high-status guy being brought so very low is a component of many comedies.  This dates back to ancient times (Oedipus Rex).  When I go see a comedy, it is a choice to escape from my problems for a bit.  In that time period, I want to see someone like Johnathan Duva crucified because I work for assholes like him every day.  I think the next time you write a script, you should watch Caddyshack, Stripes, and Trading Places marathon-style and then start skyping and typing.  You will have a better idea of how to end the script that will be cathartic and funny for your audience!  Have a great day, guys!

Eric

Ok, everyone back?  Cool!  Listen, go see Johnny Theater!  It is a funny and knowing satire!  What the hell else will you do with yourselves?

Regular Folks: B
Chicago Storefront Actors: A-

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer

An Open Letter To David Mamet (Carm Grisolia)

Dear Dave,

Hi!  How have you been?  I'm ok, all things considered.  But the old construction business has been a little tricky for the last little bit.  Seems like it's getting harder to earn a living off of working with your hands, you know?  You know.  The wife and kids are doing pretty good eventhough money is tight.  I keep telling myself we will make it back into the middle-class someday.  I'm prolly wrong.  Hey, that's one of your words, right?  “Prolly.”  Like the way real people say, “probably.”  Well, if it's not, it should be.  Because you're so fucking real.

Hey, speaking of  “so fucking real,” is your show still running over there at Goodman?  I haven't had a chance, because, you know-- “weight of the world” and “gas prices” all that.   And anyways, I was supposed to see it and do a review or whatever, but I figured I'm pretty real myself.  So I prolly didn't really need to see it.  It's like with your one book you wrote--  I just borrowed it from some asshole and just looked at the dust cover.  Never read it, never returned it.  Guy was an asshole anyways, right? 

But the point is-- I got your point from the cover or what other people said on the cover or whatever.  I didn't need to read it, because guys like you and me-- real fucking guys-- understand each other.  It's like there's a beautiful fucking power in simple-- like guys like us drink from the same, or deeply, or whatever. 

And then, lightbulb goes off and I realize that  the whole, it seems trite or, but “judge a book by it's cover” is like your whole thing, right?  So the point you prolly make in Race is that black people are black people and white people are white people and that's all we need to know-- what we can tell from looking at them, because that's all we know anyways, right?  I mean, am I right?  We already know what we need to know by looking at the cover.  And then some of the books we decide to read for some reason, and then we like them or we don't.  But it doesn't really change our opinion of books in general.  Which are mostly pretty stupid and self-centered.  And even some of the good ones get burned, if you follow me.  You follow me.

So nice try, Buddyboy, but I don't need to see it now to know that it's prolly got some upper class black people and some upper class white people, and some lower-class of each color, and there's prolly a bunch of prejudice and mistrust on both parts and some kind of disagreement or conflict over possession of some valuable thing, or some alleged crime that happened way in the past, which will give all parties concerned a chance to deliver a rant that has a lot of anger and a few kernels of truth as they say, and everyone who sees it will see their own opinion represented, except it doesn't really matter because no one will change their mind over it.  Cool.  That would make a pretty good play-- even in the hands of some random asshole, performed by any bunch of self-loathing assholes for any bunch of pretentious snobs.

But this ain't just random assholes and snobs.  You are David Mamet and this is The Goodman.  Performing words that sound just like the words real people say written by a Treasure of the American Theater and tackling an incendiary topic with stunning authenticity for an  audience of lakefront liberals least-likely to be affected by the themes of this masterpiece anywhere at any time.  But relevant, all the way to the bank, am I right?  In fact, it is so jaw-droppingly relevant that the Goodman didn't even need to set it on the moon during the Nazi occupation of France and cast some hot, young white chick as The Grizzled Old Negro Who Works in the Governor's Mansion, like they have to do with that Shakespeare bullshit.  Relevance, Edginess, Rich People.  This formula causes such a surefire nuclear explosion of a hit that this reviewer doesn't even need to see it to know it's an instant classic.

And that is why I am giving your show, Race at the Goodman, 12 out of 12 stars.  My highest rating.  One real-life guy to another.

So I guess that's my review, in case I don't get around to seeing it or if it already closed.  Nice job again, Bro.  And hey, not for nothing, but how about dropping one of these “relevant” solid-gold turds on an actual storefront theater with real people performing at it once in awhile?  Remember how you used to? When you were real?

Stay Real,

Carm Grisolia

The State of the Broadway Musical (Paul Oakley Stovall)

Chicago has bred many incredible talents that are making their way to the world stage, but one man's light shines brighter than the other lights from other people. His name is Paul Oakley Stovall. He is known as a director, actor, playwright, composer, dancer, fry cook, and activist and he is the real fucking deal.

If you haven't seen him in a show at Steppenwolf or seen a play he wrote at the Goodman, then you have probably seen him in the national tour of Rent.

We had a chance to meet Paul and listen to an essay he wrote recently at The Paper Machete one afternoon, and we asked him if he wouldn't mind letting us throw his essay up on the website, and he not only obliged, he also gave us both kisses.

Here is Paul Oakley Stovall's unedited essay on the state of the Broadway Musical:

EXTRA EXTRA HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEWS(IES)? BULLETS take a LEAP OF FAITH with SPIDERMAN over the ANIMAL HOUSE on BROADWAY...ONCE. i feel like i’ve just seen a GHOST.

yes, it’s true. another crop of wonderful movies are ready to bore (or are already boring) you to death as broadway musicals. or piss you off. or drive you to pills and booze. or MAYBE encourage someone to ...gasp... come up with an original idea and write and original musical...with original music even!!

don’t hold your breath.

over the past few years we’ve been assaulted with Legally Blonde, The Wedding Singer, The Little Mermaid, Jekyll and Hyde (which is possibly coming back with Constantine Maroulis of American Idol fame--more on that later), The Color Purple (oh the colored people), How the Grinch Stole Broadway, er, Christmas, Wonderland (wonder why land), Big, Mary Poppins, Hairspray and the Lion King, to name, sadly, just a few.

We could throw in Wicked, Seussical and Spamalot, as they are based on source material....exquisite source material.

To be fair, now and then, this rejiggering of a hit film or not such a hit film can work. Beauty and the Beast is faithful to the story and wonderful for kids. But it was kind of a musical already. Victor/Victoria is another example that comes to mind. however it was set in a musical milieu. the STUFF was already there.

But the jukebox musical--Good Vibrations anyone? All Shook Up? -- and the film “adaptation”, or rather reduction, is becoming the norm, while the BROADWAY MUSICAL, could you feel the all caps in the way that was said?, is an American art form. an original american art form. one of the few that we can really claim... why is it being tossed away? why are we more interested in developing Sleepless in Seattle the musical? yes, that’s happening. the two leads don’t see each other until the end...and yet there is confusion as to why the workshops are fizzling...oy.

Whose bright idea was it to make CATCH ME IF YOU CAN into a Broadway musical?!?!

Leave me alone! I’m not interested in catching you. Stay in hiding. Or better yet, stay on celluloid, where a film like that had a least modest success in what it was aiming for.

So whose idea was it?

it was the idea of someone who wanted to make money. it was the idea of someone who was falling right in line with those who now see dollar signs rather than rallying cries of social change when they think of this pure American art form called the Broadway musical.

The new American musical, created lately by artists like Stew, a tony award winner for his book of Passing Strange, or the revered Tony Kushner, who, with Jeanine Tesori, created Caroline, or Change are sadly few and far between these days. And when we do get something original, the best of them, usually don’t make it to the big time, to make room for.....13....about a bunch of 13 year olds.....singing about....things that 13 year olds care about....but not written by 13 year olds....which could be interesting.

However, artists like Stew and Kushner and Tesori are pushing the form forward...now admittedly, neither of those aforementioned projects turned a profit BUT Caroline has had an extremely healthy regional life and Stew is prolifically creating new projects. That’s neither here nor there. The argument that is thrown out is that, “Hey, we gotta make money! And we gotta give the people what they want!” pfft. the people don’t know what they want. they know that they want to be ENTERTAINED! let me say that again. they want to be ENTERTAINED. and not by the latest American Idol runner up. See Maroulis. Or Diana DeGarmo, or Ace what’shisname, or....yeah.

SHREK the musical, sorry Jeanine, ain’t it. It might illicit some silly giggles... but true entertainment includes an enriching of the soul, a lifting of the spirit, a challenge to the brain, a massaging of the heart. 9 to 5? Young Frankenstein? Xanadu? High Fidelity? Urban Cowboy? Chitty Chitty Gang Bang, Bang Bang? Those films were just fine the way they were. Entertaining classics that spoke to their genre in a very specific way. But Gone With the Wind, the musical? That ain’t it kid. That ain’t it kid. Give me A Chorus Line. Carousel, Gypsy, Porgy and Bess, South Pacific, Avenue Q, Ragtime, Anything Goes, RENT...but Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown almost made me have one....

This lack of effort really, on the part of producers to seek out original material, on the part of artists to insist on bringing original and CURRENT and POLITICALLY RELEVANT material to the table, and on the part of the general public, the consumer, to demand better quality material--and frankly, to say, “hey, I already love Animal House, it’s a classic; i can recite every line in Bullets Over Broadway; Desperately Seeking Susan ain’t Shakespeare but it’s quirky and perfect just as it is-- this, my friends, this signals a malaise that frankly goes deeper than the rash that accompanies the news that Footloose and Flashdance are being developed for the Great White Way.

FIlm is not a literary medium. It doesn’t want lots of words...and rarely does it want songs....and even rarer does it need a dance number.

Fixing this will take a digging in of the heels. The great work begins. The American Musical represents something purely american and it should be protected and nurtured and brought back to life....like the White House garden.

-Paul Oakley Stovall

The Petrified Forest (Strawdog Theater)

The cast of Petrified Forest poses for a picture

Strawdog Theatre Company is known far and wide for their immersive work and high quality productions. If you were ever telling some stranger from out of town about a place to go see a really great storefront show, Strawdog would undoubtedly cross your moistened lips.

Taking classic plays, or unknown little chestnuts and giving them new, unbridled life is the Strawdog calling card, so it should be no surprise to you or your family that they have decided to tackle a play from the 30's called "The Petrified Forest".

In 4th grade, my class had to write reports on National Parks. We were each assigned a different park and much to my disappointment, I got stuck with the boring ass Petrified Forest.

At the time, you have to understand, there was no "Internet" so trying to find any pictures of this place was almost impossible, but why?

The 1st and most obvious reason is because that is where alien spaceships land and the government doesn't want us to see what is really going on. The 2nd and less feasible reason is because no one really cares about Petrified Forest National Park.

So anyway, the point of me telling you that is because I don't want you to feel dumb when I start dropping all this knowledge on you. I am an expert, so please don't think I am showing off.

The Petrified Forest is this place in...I wanna say Wyoming where dinosaurs used to live and used to have all this grass. But then, a volcano or something happened and turned all the grass and trees and everything to rocks. Rocks!

So tourism is a very important industry in that part of the country because people from all over the world come to look at these rocks on the ground, or kill someone.

Now the play "The Petrified Forest" is about this little diner on the edge of the park where travelers going to the West Coast might stop from dinner or maybe some gasoline or a jar of liquor. The owner of this diner a guy who is clearly burdened with his old father that complains about everything and tells stories about when he was younger and was in the circus? Or was a cowboy? He also has his almost adult daughter named Gabby that wants to bang everybody.

Gabby takes care of the diner, while outside at the gas pump is a guy named Boze that used to be a football player in Nevada but probably wasn't really that good, but he still wears his jersey every day. Well, I bet you know that Gabby and Boze like to get it on from time to time behind the dad's back. I don't know what the dad thinks, I mean they are out in the middle of nowhere and his daughter is like, 19 years old. All she thinks about is doing it.

Well, one day this creep with a pencil thin mustache comes in and is all sweaty and orders some hamburgers and a beer. He starts talking in this crazy sort of British accent and smoking this cigarette thing.

Well, he's telling Gabby about how he is a roustabout (homeless bum) an how he is traveling to find himself. Well, of course, Gabby wants to bang this guy, too!

Which, by the way, doesn't make too much sense to me. Imagine if you were in the desert and a sweaty, homeless John Waters wandered into your little diner. Talking in his crazy accent about books and his ex-wife, would you want to sleep with him? No! You would be like, "Hey John Waters, why do you sound like that? You are from Baltimore. Why are you walking alone in the desert? Are you here to rape me?"

But not Gabby! Ooooh no, she has her own agenda! She wants to marry this guy and move to France or California or someplace and leave the football guy and Grandpa behind.

So at this point, about 50 minutes into the first act, you start thinking, "Wait, is this play just about people sitting around eating hamburgers? Because I know a great place to listen to weirdos and eat hamburgers for much less than $28 a ticket."

Then, just when you assume this love triangle and this tense cigarette smoking contest will never end, in busts some other guys! Duke Manatee and his gang of gun carrying outlaws are on the run from the law! They are here and they immediately shake things up by... also sitting down and having cigarettes and hamburgers? Yeah, I guess they do.

At intermission, I got to really take a look at the set and appreciate it. Strawdog has a history of making incredible sets that make you feel like a fly on the wall, and this was no exception. A bar and diner tables, surrounded by the beautiful vista of the Cartoon Mountain Range in the heart of America.

The lights went down and here comes the exciting and action filled second act! I could hardly contain myself! Surely this act had death and destruction in store!

The lights came up, and what was everyone doing onstage? You guessed it. Eating hamburgers and talking! "How much is the hamburger budget for this production?" I wondered. "It would be cheaper if they had just bought a whole cow and ground it up themselves."

Now, you and I both know that legendary director and boy wonder Shade Murray isn't just going to let this sitting around continue forever. He loves action and movement, and this work is no different. Without spoiling anymore of the play for you, let me tell you this: There are guns and blood and kissing and action and it all comes to an enthralling conclusion that will leave you gasping with delight and stir up a round of vigorous applause from your friends and lovers!

The performances in this show are the reason to go. Caroline Neff, once again saves a long first act by being girly and wearing an apron. She understands pace and tone better than most which if you didn't know, is WAY more important than "Being good at acting" (which she also is). Knowing how to carry a show is really a special skill that you don't find a lot in Chicago and Neff can do it, and that's why she is Storefront Prom Queen lately.

Shane Kenyon and Paul Fagen play the football player and the creep, respectively. Kenyon has a manly and somehow dark quality to him that you don't see a lot and is refreshing to see onstage and Fagen plays a possible pedophile with grace and dignity. OH! You know who Fagen's character reminds me of? The Shakespeare actor guy who is always eating eggs in "Bus Stop". You all did that play in college, right?

Good. Don't do it as a grown up because that play is stupid.

Jamie Vann leads the gang of criminals as the exceptional Duke Manteeth. A man with nothing to lose and a learned patience that is admirable. Vann always makes interesting choices that, as an actor, I enjoy because even when he plays bad guys or dads or whatever, he is very trustworthy or something. He has a quality to connect with others onstage and make them understand his objectives. I want to paint him.

John Moran and Adam Shalzi as grown up 'Our Gang' Members With Guns are very scary and nice to see together. These guys really love hamburgers.

There are so many standouts in the show that it is hard to even say they standout, because if everyone is good, then how do you know?

BUT, I loved Jim Poole and Janice O'Neil as some old fashioned rich guys and Mark Pracht as a construction worker or something.

Murray knows how to move lots of people around stage and how to build tension, however patient you need to be for it to happen. It will happen, by God and you will love it when it does.

Go out and see this!
Strawdog does cool stuff!



A+


-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

Kill Me (WildClaw Theatre)

Jude Roche and Sasha Gioppo look at something far away

Preface

This show already closed, but I thought it warranted a review anyway, because WildClaw is an excellent young company. All the members are old, but the company has only been around for like 4 years or so.

End of Preface



It's a always a treat to see a show at The Athenaeum, or as we like to call it, THEATRE JAIL.

Why do we call it theatre jail? Maybe it is the bars on the box office, or the enormous front steps. Maybe it is the large echo-y halls or the gates blocking every turn. In fact, the only thing separating The Athenaeum from an actual jail is a 4Square account.
But an interesting stat, nearly 80% of all shows in Theatre Jail have been wrongfully accused.

Kill Me is one of these shows!

Since Kill Me has been billed as "The Horror Event of The Year" I decided to wear some clean undies and to sit way in the back so as to not make a scene when I started crying and eating. You see, I eat my feelings, and when I get scared I eat soup. Somehow, I equate soup with fright so I was sure to bring a cauldron of steaming hot clam chowder with me, just in case.

When I first walked into the theater, I was impressed. I felt like I was on the set of the new Tim Burton remake of "Sanford and Son" with all this black garbage and musical instrument parts all laying all over the place.

"I'm coming, Elizabeth!" I shouted, spilling some hot soup on the leg of the nice but old usher.

Then the lights went down and the show began!

It begins with these 3 ladies standing in a row, talking at you about something... I don't know. I don't understand a lot of flowery language, and also they were talking so fast. When women talk fast, it seems unnatural to me, because who cares what they are saying in the first place?!

Anyway, these 3 lesbian sisters are yakking away about some sort of car accident or there was almost a car accident? I dunno, they were really burning rubber with their mouths there.

There is a play device, I'm not sure what it is called, but when a few people face the audience and tell their points of view in little sentences? I never liked that because I am an idiot and have a hard time focusing.

So then, the scenes start. These lesbians are talking about something or another, and then the damnedest thing happens. This Mexican Wrestler looking guy in feathers comes out and starts all touching the lady!

WHAT THE HELL?!

And then another crazy looking person comes out! Then another! Soon the stage is filled with all these crazy characters all stroking this broad's shoulders and Viewpointing around the stage!

Well I had to take a moment and look in the program and see what was happening and it turns out that these things were demons! All different looking and all so creepy!

They sort of looked like the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse's Hillbilly Cousins.

These hillbillies start playing this piano board up there and then one takes out a violin bow. Trust me when I tell you that you have never been more frightened in your life then when an enormous Demon of Hades starts handling a violin bow.

Now when this Demon takes out a violin bow and starts playing it, do you know what happened? Some guy in my row had a seizure!

Honest to God!

Well, he started making these noises, and it's nothing to joke around about, because we can all get seizures at anytime, but the thought that this man saw a Demon handling a violin bow and started freaking out, well that is just a testament to the Power of Theatre!

These Demons are really starting to really invade the Red Headed Lesbian's mind. She confides in her lesbian friends that she doesn't think she can die. So she starts drinking this antifreeze and sort of stabbing herself and taking pills to show the others that she really cannot die!

1 of the other lesbians is all like "Well, it's just a coincidence because she didn't stab herself right, and she got her stomach pumped and whatnot, but she CAN die".

But can she? Why doesn't she shotgun blast herself in the face and find out? Well, that is where the horror lies! Because you don't know why!

You know what you DO know? These broads sure are good lookin'. I have never seen more attractive insanity in my life. ESPECIALLY for all being lesbians.

See, it doesn't come out at first that they are lesbians, but there are little clues you can see to help you figure it out. For example, 1 lady is wearing a vest and a chain wallet. Not just a wallet, but a CHAIN wallet. For the future, when you are out hitting on chicks at the bar, stay away from the ones who dress like dudes in 1994.

The way horror works is the same way that comedy works. It needs to rely on your basest instincts. Part of making art in those particular genres is both confusion and juxtaposition. So, having scary stuff happen on a scary looking set doesn't do much for me, because it seems like it is happening in the right place.

If these Demons were walking around and girls cutting themselves up was happening in a nice living room, you would get more mileage out of it because it wouldn't fit. It would confuse your little brain.

Now, the other thing that is important for horror and comedy both is that the performers have to sell the shit out of it. And WildClaw delivers more than any other company in the world.

Their actors believe in what they are doing and it shows in the work and can make a mediocre play a great one.

This play is no exception. The 3 lesbian sisters were all great in their clarity and purpose. Casey Cunningham is a stellar young actress that we will all be seeing more of. Sasha Gioppo takes an easy part as the main lesbian cutter and turns it into a complex and engrossing role.

The night I went, the part of Grace, the vesty lesbian, was played by Carly Ciarrocchi whom I had never seen before but, OH MAN WAS SHE GOOD! You are all God dammed lucky to have an understudy work on your show as good she is. God dammed lucky.

The Demons were all played with a beautiful sense of inescapable cruelty by the great Matt Kahler, the enormous and frightening Jude Roche, the cat-like R. Christopher Maxwell, and my favorite little evil hillbilly Ele Matelan.

You should go see theatre like this, because it shows that right here in Chicago, we are changing the face of entertainment. These guys are good and only getting better.

WildClaw! America! Everybody!

Grade: A


-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

Jacqueline Stone's Meringue Cookies (Celebrity Recipe)

We first met Jacqueline Stone when she was the incredible star of TUTA'S "The Wedding" and since we have been enormous fans.

She is a leader in our city and someone to put on your radar in the future.

Now you can see her with all the right moves in TUTA'S Fulton Street Sessions.

Here is her favorite cookie recipe, and it is PERFECT to make for strikes and benefits:

Forgotten Meringue Cookies

Put wax paper or parchment paper on cookie sheet. Grease the paper.

Preheat oven 350.

Ingredients:
2 egg whites

¾ cup sugar

6 oz chocolate chips

Beat eggs until stiff. Beat in sugar slowly. Fold in chocolate chips.

Drop by teaspoon onto cookie sheet. Turn off oven, put cookies in and leave in for 6 hours.


-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

Please Boicot This Show: The New Colony's Rise of the Numberless

"The show is called r1s3 of the numb3rl3ss (remove the jarg) which i could call rise of the dumber fellas.

Basically america celebrates the adoption of a one child policy that saves the country and i suppose the world from starvation, cancer, unemployment, war, and many other catastrophes.

But as you could guess the stars in the show are a group of tinfoil hats that have as many children as they want because they dont care at all about other people suffering, and that are shown as victims being fugitives on the ran.

Seriously, make a law to charge every cast member, technician, scripter, director, and VERY SPECIALLY the producers for every unemployed and poor people in the world, they will lost EVERYTHING AND EVERY PROPERTY and it will be like an useless drop in the mouth of an utterly thirsty behemoth growing at the speed of light and killing hundred millions every year in many ways."

 -Internet Commenter userwords, from the forum A Childfree Life, which claims to be A Safe Haven in a Baby-Crazed World

I love when people are crazy on the internet, I mean, I looooooooooooove it.  There's now a way to pinpoint exact locations of insanity in the online world and completely ignore it, or secretly revel in it.  Like, back in the old Chicago days, we would say things like "Oh, man, don't even LOOK at the Wooden Nickel off of Wilson.  They will throw a shiv at you through the front door."  But now, you can go to the Wooden Nickel as a ghost and just hang out in the corner while drunken immigrants scream about people having babies.

This commenter (we'll call her Wanda) is incoherently bitching about "Rise of the Numberless", a new musical collaboration between the Bailiwick Theatre and local legends The New Colony.  Now, I dig The New Colony...they are a bunch of nice people who do hard work and make new musicals, which in an America where ANIMAL HOUSE is being adapted as a musical for the Broadway stage is an incredibly fucking daunting task.  And this one sounds particularly intriguing...a rock concert in support of the "numberless" children of the world who have become fugitives from society in a "One Child, One Nation" type of sci-fi dystopian future.  Actually, sounds pretty bitchin', and if I know The New Colony it's going to be intelligent and entertaining and fun!

Now, let's breakdown what Wanda here is trying to accomplish in her poorly worded post to "Boicot this show."  I want to concentrate on her last paragraph, because oh god it's so insane:

Seriously, make a law to charge every cast member, technician, scripter, director, and VERY SPECIALLY the producers for every unemployed and poor people in the world, they will lost EVERYTHING AND EVERY PROPERTY and it will be like an useless drop in the mouth of an utterly thirsty behemoth growing at the speed of light and killing hundred millions every year in many ways.

First of all, you can tell she is serious because she uses the word Seriously.  "Seriously, aliens are hiding plans to destroy country up anus."  What anus, slick?  Your story fell apart in the last moments.

Make a law to charge every one involved for every unemployed and poor person in the world.  Wait, make a law?  A law?  You are aware this is a fictional musical running at a small not-for-profit theater space in Chicago that at the most, maybe 1000 people will see?  No offense, I mean, I hope millions of people see it, but I'm not a crazy lady typing in broken English on an internet forum that celebrates killing babies to cut down smog levels.

Here's my favorite part though, the thesis statement of her magnum opus.  "...They will lost EVERYTHING AND EVERY PROPERTY and it will be like an useless drop in the mouth of an utterly thirsty behemoth growing at the speed of light and killing hundred millions every year in many ways."

Wow.  An utterly thirsty behemoth growing at the speed of light is quite a simile.  You sure you want to go to the "behemoth" analogy?  I mean, I crave some good crazy monsters who suffer from gigantism and murderous psychopathic tendencies but does one want to close with that?  Especially if you are trying to get normals on your side?  Kind of Book of Revelations, in my opinion, which is a pretty good book but it's no 2nd Corinthians.  Let's not kid ourselves, it's too pretty of a day.

Anyway, don't boicot a show.  Never boicot any show, for God's sake, what are we children?  Still, it was nice of Wanda to give Rise of the Numberless all this free pubilicity.  I wonder why more people don't realize that the average human will line up to do something when you tell them specifically not to do it?  Oh, because they are crazy people, that's right.

Thanks, Wanda!

A+

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer

Your Theatre Company's Marketing Problems

This is not a good picture to market your show

Let's talk for a few about the way we market our theatre companies in Chicago.

After I wrote that sentence, I took a week away from this piece to think. I get so frustrated with the state of our visibility and marketing decisions, that I wanted to make clear, coherent arguments that would be helpful for the discussion instead of angry, insane ramblings like we usually do.

But the thing is, when you have a review blog, you receive no less than 5 press releases a day and the atrocities are constantly in your face.

So let's start off easy and discuss your theatre's Mission Statement.

A Mission Statement is used to grab grant money and to inform potential board members of your goals and the type of work you are interested in doing.

Eclipse Theatre Company presents the work of one playwright each season. We offer the audience an opportunity, unique in the midwest, to journey with us through the playwright's works.

See? Simple, succinct, classy. It tells you what the company does and doesn't talk itself in circles.
Another example in a different style from The Hypocrites:

We will make theater. We will respect the audience. We will create a unique theater experience for every production. We will push our own limits in order to push the limits of theater. We will honor the playwright's intentions. We will hold interest in entertainment and art. We will change these rules.

That seems fun! All quirky and shit... You don't agree? Who cares. It's a Mission Statement and at the end of the day, the only people you are trying to please with this is Corporate Donors, Board Members, and Grant Writers.

You need to say that you are the best, give yourself a little rubdown and move on.
*I am not discounting the importance of a great mission statement, but I think that is something you can figure out for yourself. If you are using it as a guide within your company, stop and make a Constitution so everyone understands their rights and responsibilities in your group.

Now, let's move on, briefly to Show Selection.

Part of the beauty of this town is the unending choices of live entertainment you have in front of you. In plays alone, there are usually at least 1oo shows going on at any one time. The sort of plays you decide to do is your decision, but know that if you love to do Eastern European Existential Farces, that no audience is going to come and see it, and plan accordingly.
Get a smaller theater, cut down your marketing budget, because all the advertising in the world will not help you get people into your place.

So, the long and short of it is, do whatever you want. BUT you are also a consumer and know what people want to see, so just keep that in mind.

Press Releases
This, and the subsequent section are the hardest for me to deal with because I do not have many answers. I can tell you that collectively, we make GOD AWFUL press releases with no end in sight.
The problem is not in our writing ability or in our intentions, it is in the fact that we expect everyone else to be as boring as we are.

Vampire Couch Theatre Company is proud to present a devised new work based on The Ancient Fables of Phaedrus. Entitled "The Joy of Sharks and Romans" Vampire Couch seeks to explore what it means to be a human in these trying times of memories and acceptance. Told through Commedia Dell'Arte, Character based Movement, and Rhythm, Vampire Couch shines a provocative light on Humanity.

Sounds ridiculous, right? No one would ever write something like that, right?
If you think that this fake synopsis sounds ridiculous, you ARE right. If you think that no one would ever write something like this, then you are WRONG, bro.

Read a press release every now and then. They are all terrible. Not all. 90% of them are terrible. You are trying to get people to come and see your show! Pay attention!
Is there somebody in your show that is super hot right now? Did the director get great reviews for something else?
Use that in your release!

"From the Producers of 'Mexican Christmas' comes..."

or

"Caroline Neff in..."

Why are we afraid to be celebrities and use our names to sell shows?
Are we afraid of fame? Are we scared we will hurt somebody's feelings? If Rob McLean is in a show and his name is not at the fucking top of the bill, you are doing a disservice to your show.

I went and recently saw a Joe Foust play. Now, please bare in mind that Foust is this city's finest actor. People fucking love him. I love him. Do you know where his name was on the advertising?

In alphabetical order.

Why?

Is it not worth it to you to use a person's name to help promote your show? See, when you run an entertainment business, you need to stay on top of trends and understand the climate of what is popular and who is making things happen.

As I am writing this write now, I am imagining at least 30% of the readers are very involved in Chicago Theatre and have no idea who Joe Foust is. Or Joe Dempsey. Or even Rich Cotovsky or Lance Baker.

Why don't they know?

Because they don't fucking care! They want to make their own little movement based plays and fight for Chase Grants and explore.

It takes 10 minutes to jump around some websites and find out how your actors are with critics. We have things available to us now that we didn't before. TheatreInChicago.com is a great resource for review collections of shows. Go on there and find out about your cast!
We are making a professional decision here to make a show, act like an adult and promote it that way.

If the show is hot, talk about that. You got a great director? Talk about that.

Whatever. Just don't use your play cookie cutter to make a show.

Now, that brings me to Marketing Companies. I know it is very trendy to hire your own Marketing Company right now, and I understand why. Because it is less work for you, less pressure, and you have someone to blame when it doesn't work.

And while they tell you they have 750 contacts they can reach, and you can possibly get on Dueling Critics or they can guarantee a Trib review...go on the internet and see how many new periodical contacts you can get in 30 minutes. Read some of their past work. Ask them who their favorite artists are in town. Chances are, they don't know shit.

I LOVE Shout! Marketing, and think they are knowledgeable and easy to work with, for the record, but unless you have either a hot director, actor or a hot previous show, it's hard for anybody to get Chris Jones to pay attention.

We have created a world where the only voice that is worth anything is Chris Jones at the Trib. There are other great reviewers, including Kerry Reid, Kris Vire and dozens of bloggers that are knowledgeable and worthy of our inclusion .

That being said, the only reviews that make any difference for ticket sales are Chris Jones, a 5 star review from Time Out, and the Asshole at the Times. You cannot worry about what she says, because she doesn't know what she is talking about.

Now, my point is, is that if we continue to rely on reviews from Chris Jones exclusively, we will fail at our potential. He is a smart and nice man, but unfortunately for us, he is also honest.

So how do we turn the tide? We need to constantly be embracing other blogs and periodicals as we would the Trib. Our theatre patrons will follow, if we make it the way. Direct them to sites tat you like and are proud to have in your town. Build their trust. Get a Yelp page.

We, as of today, rely on reviews to sell our shows because we are too lazy to actually try to get subscribers, but if this is going to be the case we need to get creative and put an effort into our exposure through other online sites, AND we need to get off the computer and talk to people and sell our product.

Which brings me to Facebook.
Facebook is our greatest online marketing tool. It connects us with each other in the community and helps us know what else is happening. Now you and I both know, that if we rely exclusively on Facebook to promote our show, then we will fail. We cannot rely on social networking to promote us and keep us afloat. Do not be lazy. People will listen to you speak more than they will read your posts.

That being said, if you have an ensemble member who isn't on Facebook, kick them out.

If you are going to exclusively rely on Facebook, then learn how to use it. Look at your impressions and see what time of day you are getting the most hits. Don't post things at 10pm and expect anyone to read it. The same goes for 7am. Read a book about how to use it correctly, because I am not telling you.

Here's the thing with marketing in this town, too. It's fun! You get to go out and drink! Go to an after party at a theater you have never been to and meet new people. Develop relationships, expand your talent pool. Do not wait for them to come to you, because they won't. They will say that they have never heard of you and change the subject.

We need to make a conscious change in our Facebooking soon because if you haven't noticed, it is suffocating.

You know what is best for your company. You are an artist and can find creative ways to market your product. Stay diligent. Have fun. Bond with fellow artists and learn about the world you are a part of, because lots of other people know about it already and will give your company a chance.

Artistic Directors, make your ensemble go work other places and meet new people. It will help you in the long run. You will meet new faces.

Also, if you are a casting director and you don't go and see theatre then you are an asshole and should be relieved of your duties. Not the same 5 theaters you always go to either. Go! Get out of here and go meet new people!

And last but not least, Marketing Photos.

Go ahead and splurge and take a picture that is interesting. Take a quick walk through a theatre website and look at the artwork you see. It is all awful. The only consistently decent company with this stuff is The House. Why? I dunno. Have you ever seen a House show? I bet at least half of you reading this haven't.

You look at advertising all day, and you are not exempt from making attractive ads. So take a pen around town and see what jumps out at you and what about them are interesting.

If I see one more picture of people standing in corsets in a field I am going to murder you myself.

Chicago, get better at this. Get better at your art and get better at the art of selling your art.



-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

The North Plan (Theater Wit)

Buddeke and Stark look to Lucy Sandy for guidance on sweater fashion

One thing you notice when you arrive at virtually any Chicago Theater is that all companies try to stick to their own genres.

Genres are things that can really help you to find an audience. For example, there are companies that only do Irish plays, Horror plays, plays about food, plays about America, plays about families, plays about Middle Eastern people, plays by one playwright, plays for black people, plays for white people (most theatre companies do plays exclusively for white people), and plays about birds.

So, if I am just a regular guy who loves birds and I don't see a lot of theatre, I might go see this play at Bird Ensemble.

The point is, it takes a lot of nuts and balls and guts and heart to do a play without the safety net of a single genre, because you don't know where your audience is going to come from.

Well, that is exactly what Theater Wit has done with "The North Plan". They have taken their love of every genre ever made and put them all into a single 90 minute play that is sure to delight and inspire you to murder a police officer.

*Note: In my description of this play, I will include the correct genre by the appropriate plot point.

Tanya, a crazy redneck on her way to work, has been arrested for turning herself in for drunken driving (Hillbilly Comedy). She has a long talk with the black lady assistant about her struggle (Civil Rights Drama), and the Sheriff (Small Town Melodrama). Next into the holding cell is Carlton. He doesn't like Tanya because she is loud and obnoxious (Prison Friendship/ Unlikely Partner) but he needs her help because he is talking about how the government has taken over and put the country under martial law. He has a list of some thing or another (Conspiracy Theory), but the Sheriff informs him that unknown officers are coming to collect him and it is important that his name doesn't enter the police system (Existentialism). So he tells Tanya that he needs her help. She makes a sexual advance on him (Romantic Comedy) and he informs her that he is a Gay Jew (Woody Allen).
2 Detectives arrive (Buddy Cop) and rough Carlton up (Torture Porn) telling him that they need the list (Interrogation). Tanya gets out and returns (Mistaken Identity) and there is some hiding (Farce) and then some shooting in the Police Station (Western) which leads to a dramatic conclusion (Yosemite Sam Cartoon).

The performers understand the hefty task they have recognizing and performing in all of these genres and do so with elegant grace and style.

3 performances stand out in my mind as perfect examples of how to just go with it!

Kate Buddeke, as usual, gives her all as a hopeless and unlikeable hick with a heart of oil. See, here's the secret: When the play starts, you think she is a jerk, and when it ends...you still think she is a jerk. She is just a jerk for different reasons. Buddeke herself seems very likable in real life, so get off her back, everybody.

In Chicago, we hold our great male actors up on pedestals, and there is one man that stands at the top of the pedestal with aplomb and a disdain for media types. You will never see him give an interview because he is pure art, You cannot interview art. All you can do is watch and wonder what that art means, and then you can discuss the art over coffee when you leave the museum. In this case, that art's name is Kevin Stark. Stark shines brightly in the winter of our theatrical landscape. A star with a mustache and sex appeal that every generation cannot deny. Your daughters and sons from Bronzeville to West Rogers Park are revering him with posters and chat rooms devoted to his whereabouts and favorite things.
Stark portrays the cagey Carlton and works off of Buddeke magnificently. He treats her with both mercy and respect, intertwined with bouts of confusion and anger.

The last and certainly greatest actor to emerge in Chicago in the last 5 years is Tom Hickey. Hickey has a small but important role and, as always, steals the show and puts it into his duffel bag that he always carries with him. If you ever have an opportunity to meet Tom Hickey, he will undoubtedly be holding his trusty duffel bag and when you ask him what is inside, he won't answer you. He will probably change the subject to the weather or a recent film, but you will know that inside that duffel bag, is the show he has just stolen from everyone and he is going to take it home and impregnate that show.

Applause to Kimberly Senior and Theater Wit for directing and producing this show that, in any other hands, would have been confined to a singular genre, and the magic would be gone.

I loved every rootin-tootin second of it!!!

A+


-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach