Saturday, February 5, 2011

Who Do These Idiots Think They Are?

The blog post in question.

Did you read that shite? Good, ok. I want you to sit back, close your eyes, and imagine Eric and Andy getting hit by a bus. And don't let it just hit them...I mean really savor every detail. Their nonchalant walking across a busy intersection with their dopey mouths open, obviously spewing forth some retarded banter that they think is just the funniest thing ever. The sharp intakes of breath when they both realize that their pathetic lives are about to be cut short by the Chicago Transit Authority. The weird moment when Eric pees his pants and grabs Andy and hurls him between him and the oncoming vehicle. The sickening smack when the bus breaks every single bone in their bodies. The careening arc of their limp, doll-like bodies flying down Ashland. And finally, the crunch of their bones when 2 tons of pain rolls over their lame, hacky limbs. The river of blood and brake fluid running down the gutter. A small child holding a balloon who's seen the whole thing. A dog braying in the distance. Silence. Five years later, Rom Rilliams and Ralbert Rilliams meet at the Rilliams family reunion, and raff and raff and raff.

I thought the mumps got cured...oh, no, you have fat face

Why do I constantly have to call out all these haters? How long has The Reader been around, jerks? They probably even wrote some nice things about you ballsacks back in the day when NO ONE in town wanted anything to do with you. And doing an entire blog post ANONYMOUSLY? After you wrote THIS? You think I'd just forget about that?

Sorrow got replaced with Donuts

I can't believe I have to teach MYSELF a lesson about the interzones, but here we are. You boys just think you are the shit, don't you? Real tough-ass gangstas? Just remember, there are people out there who could eat you for lunch. The internet is written in ink, and you decide that The Reader is worthy of some kind of scorn. Why? Those guys are writers about theatre...isn't one of your little things that you want people like that around? That you want a community to form? Way to go about that, you assheads. Go ahead and call out a'll get some hits on your little blog, and people might make some snarky comments. But, really, all you did was point out how petty you two can be sometimes. And why? You think you're heroes?

Fine...act like it.