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Thursday, February 25, 2010

Winter Olympics Mania!!!!!!! (SPORTS REVIEW BY ANTHONY TOURNIS)

Welcome to the Winter Olympics….EARTH! This A-GASM is going to shoot across the world and land in the mythical land of Vancouver (it’ s in the British occupied state of Columbia in Canada(dumb Canadians didn’t know there was already was a Columbia(buy a map, Canada!))). IT’S OLYMPICS TIME!!!! What can you say about the Winter Olympics? The Winter Olympics are awesome! The winter Olympics are my third favorite type of Olympics (if you don’t like the Special Olympics then you are retarded(retarded in a bad way, not the good way(like being gay in a bad way(I stand behind the gays(well…not completely behind them( I’m not gay)))))). The Olympics go back to the times of Ancient Greece, but the Winter Olympics have only been since February 12th. The Winter Olympics are only around because shitty countries are pissed because they suck at every sport that takes place above 32 degrees. But hey…more Olympics for me! There are many aspect to why the Winter Olympics are so cool (cold joke), but my favorite reason is because the Winter Olympics are so sexy! Look at the proof (the proof is in the pudding (the movie ‘Proof’ needs more boobs (heh…boobs (I like boobs)))).

Reason One: Skin tight spandex. Once only suitable for whores, now world class athlete approved! A woman in the Luge is wearing a full spandex body suit traveling at 80 m.p.h. (kilometers are for commies) with her legs slightly parted…she’s begging for it!

Reason Two: Who is nipping out? Everyone.

Reason Three: If you lose in the Winter Olympics you are immediately sold on an international sex market to defer the cost of all those precious (hobbit) medals they give out(the Earth don’t give that shit away for free)! This market is usually held in Russia or China (politics) and can last for up to six weeks. The losers are forced to dance to Falco’s classic hit “Rock Me Amadeus” (this song is German(Germans know about oppression)). The dumb ass losers are then bid upon by evil people and judged by two key criteria: sexiness and physical interpretation of Falco’s lyrics (keys to being a good sex slave).Then the dumb losers are bought and made to do sexy things (humping). That is how the Winter Olympics make their money. This is why I love the Winter Olympics, you can take it home with you(in the form of a malnourished athlete(that sucked so much they couldn’t get a bronze medal)who doesn’t speak English (dumb) and who forced to have sex with me(yeah)). Wow! That A-GASM was all over the place! Until next time America!

2 comments:

  1. Genius! What can't you be this funny in the show?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well Kirk, the script is holding me back.

    ReplyDelete