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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The History of Hangman (GAME REVIEW BY ANTHONY TOURNIS)


Greeting sports fans and gamers! It looks like Reviews you can Iews is trying to up their game by bringing me on as a game and sports commentator. I'm going to do my best (bring my A-GAME (pun(joke))) to give you the straight poop on my game and sports musings. In fact, I am going call this commentary: Anthony's Game And Sport Musings...or A-GASM! Hopefully, you will like me and I can bring you many A-GASMS in the future. Now we will journey back in time (to when history was the future) and look at the interesting world of games! Early games were stupid. I mean just really fucking stupid. Before games were invented people just played with their poop and raped animals (an early form of sports). One of the earliest games invented was Hangman. Hangman was invented by Cossacks in 720 A.D. to teach their children how to guess words. These kids were really stupid because if they wanted to practice they could have watched Wheel Of Fortune but they were too dumb to invent television or Pat Sajak so they had to settle for hang man. Dumb. The goal of the game was to guess a word correctly using a minimal amount of guesses. If you guessed incorrectly you had to remove a body part off of a person that was executed by hanging (that's why it's called Hang Man (execution is gross)). To remove the body parts you had to kick them off the hanging body like a pinata (Mexicans know what I'm talking about). You only got three tries to kick a body part off, if you failed you were forced to kiss your sister. If you kissed your sister three times you had to marry her. They liked to "keep it in the family" (have sex with other family members (incest (incest is misunderstood))). Hangman winners were given bread. Dumb. This game was considered all the rage and was responible for alot of mutliated hangmen (which is fine because Europe was full of dead bodies). Then Americans made the game even dumber by ADDING body parts to a Hangman's noose ON PAPER! The only fun part of the game was trying to kick off an arm or a leg. Ah, America! Where we make games dumb and corpse free (love it or leave it!)! This is why you don't play hangman with Cossacks. They will just bitch and bitch about how awesome the game used to be. All in all, everyone is the past was dumb and had stupid games. That's all there is to the history of Hangman! Until next time, I hope my A-GASM made you week in the knees.

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