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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Finding the Right Nickname for You (Proper Nouns)


College.
A place where we learn a lot about ourselves in every dimension. What food we like, who we like to sex, our career path, and what haircut we will have forever.
We ALSO, as Americans, make the University a place where our identity changes to others, and we possibly make friends that we will have for generations.
Inevitably, with your new friends, you will do something stupid while you are drunk, or something smart in class and your friends will use this one action to identify you for the rest of your years and will even mention this at your funeral and wedding.
For example, if you went to a party and got all stoned and were drinking "ghetto punch" and took a young girl upstairs and started to feel her up and then threw up all over her naked chest, they would call you "Vomit Tits" for the first couple of years, until eventually, when they realize this is inappropriate, they would just call you "Tits".
"Here comes Tits Hammerstein" they will always say.
Or if you were rafting and you fell out of the boat, right at a particularly hard part to manage, they might call you, "Overboard".
That's actually kind of a cool nickname because you sound dangerous and that might look good on a business card.
Then there are nicknames from childhood that stick with you and maybe your parents always call you.
Lala, Puddin, Rickrack, Beav and Larry are all examples of those names.
There are people who give themselves nicknames, and these people are the worst. You can usually tell if someone has given themselves their own nicknames because they sound cooler than the person is.
Snake, Secretariat, Boom Boom, Cool, Finesse, and Tonka are all too cool for someone to just get. They have to work to find those.
There are also nickname generators out there for you to pick one from what other people's nicknames who have the same real name as you already have. I put my and Eric's name into this and here's what I found out.
For Andy:
Andster
Andyman
Sandstar
Andy Pandy
Andle McPoodle Foodle
Lollypop
and R2D2

These are all good and bring me to another point. Sometimes it's just an evolution of your real name. It's easy to see the evolution from Andy to Andle McPoodle Foodle, and sometimes that's all you need.
For Eric:
E-Man
Ricky
Ericonda
Big E
The Walls of Erico
Wolfgang
Kevin Wu is Fat
and Baby Dick
Now some of the ones towards the end seem like maybe they were mistakes, but that's how nicknames begin!
So go out there and grab yourself a nickname and let us know how it goes! Don't be afraid to try it out on your boss first, and then your wife or husband.
The 3 key things to remember are:
1. Make sure it is sexual
2. If you played sports, use it!
3. Rhyme your name with something and just use that word!
You will be the hit of the party in no time!

Nicknames- A+

- R2D2 Lawfer, Kevin Wu is Fat Roach

1 comment:

  1. How do Puke and Money fit in? :)

    ReplyDelete