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Thursday, April 1, 2010

Lacrosse SUCKS!!! (SPORTS REVIEW BY ANTHONY TOURNIS)


This A-GASM is going to be hard hitting (hit you hard) about America’s lamest sport (calm down Basketball( your day will come)): Lacrosse! Lacrosse is dumb. If you like Lacrosse than you are dumb. Only dumb people like this sport( I don’t even want to call it a sport( I am changing Lacrosse’s definition( Lacrosse – a great way to meet guys))). However, (however is one word) Lacrosse started off cool, but over time we made it dumb(in some countries Lacrosse means retarded). Lacrosse was invented by the Indians (not the Indians in India(those guys invented Christopher Columbus( he was looking for a way to get back to India by going in the opposite direction( Italian Renaissance jagoff!) as a celebration of a ton of different stuff(wars, hunting parties, killing a bunch of white people, and Christmas) . Lacrosse would be played on a field that would stretch for miles and there would be hundreds of people playing at once. That sounds awesome! These games would last for days, and players would beat the shit out of each other with sticks(that is the mark of excellence of any sport(awww look…Basketball is crying(GOOD!))) How cool does that sound? Well, look at lacrosse now(barf): The field is 110 yards, everyone wears pads, games are 60 minutes, and all men’s Lacrosse players are date rapists.
-How can you take a field that spans several miles and reduce it to 110 yards? Sounds like someone doesn’t want to run(winded, walking pussy)! Dumb ass golfers have all the land they want, but asking for a Lacrosse field to span (at least) a mile and a half is asking too much (where are your standards America?)?
-Pads are only used for a ladies time of the month(and Football players(Football players are NOT ladies(show some respect))). The guys who invented the sport beat the hell out of each other and you wear pads? Do you have a pocket in your pads for your purse and your copy of Twilight(Twilight is just stupid(I’m not kidding( it’s pure shit(that isn’t an opinion it’s a fact)))). Show some commitment to your sport! Take a broken arm or a shattered clavicle for the team(it might help you get some girls(ones that you don’t have to date rape (more rape to come(I mean that in a literal way, not an “I’m going to date rape the shit out of someone” way)).
-I have no problem with the time limit.
- All men’s Lacrosse players are date rapists. Seriously, have you ever met these guys(if you have then you were probably date raped(sorry))? First, they look like date rapists. Ed Hardy shirts(you can’t spell “Ed-Hardy-is-for-douche-bag-posers” without Ed Hardy), khaki shorts( so they can carry multiple vials of date rape drugs), pookah shell necklaces (the douche bag version of pearls), and sandals(shoes were invented for a reason(this isn’t Ancient Rome(Gaylord))). If that outfit doesn’t scream date rapist, I don’t know what does (why don’t they just wear a sign saying” I’m going to take you to the Olive Garden, then to the romantic comedy of your choice, followed by a few drinks and “talk time”, and finally I’ll penetrate you when you are drugged out of your mind whilst spread eagle on the hood of my Dodge Neon(SRT 4)”).I think they have to date rape. These guys talk, walk, eat, sleep, breathe, and dream about date rape. These guys sure like their date rape. Wow, I guess I don’t have a huge problem with Lacrosse, I have a huge problem with Lacrosse players (date rapists).
So in conclusion, we messed up Lacrosse to the point where it is so totally lame that Indians would cry if they saw what we did to it. Then they would take back Indialand from the white people. Way to go, white people!

43 comments:

  1. Haha your so stupid. You clearly dont have the balls to play. I play and have for 5 year. You dont have to wear padding, but after 2 broken elbows, and a puncured lung, I thought it was time. Football players are the ones that need it?!?! Bull shit! haha they run around and tackel each other, we beat the living shit outta each other with aluminum sticks until they drop the ball. I played football, and it was boring as hell! So until you grow some and play that game dont be trashing on it. Any decent lacrosse player could beat the shit outta you and you best know that. We learn to take the hits like a man. So you go ahead, head out there and play a game a couple miles long with no padding and hundreds of player, the first person to hit you will send you crying home to your mommy. The origional point of lacrosse was 2 indian tribes would play, some would die in the process, and the losing team must all be killed. Get your facts straight!

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    1. Learn to spell before you trash him.

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    2. You say lacrosse is good for meeting guys. Well in baseball you have all the time in the world to flirt with them.

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  2. Agree 100%. Lacrosse is a major D-Bag sport, played only by people who are east coast wannabe's. It's just slightly less stupid than polo. There's nothing artistic about Lacrosse. Like field hockey with highsticking allowed. It has no fluidity or beauty or uniqueness like hockey. I can't believe there can even be pro teams. I mean, who really would even go to see a D-bag Lacrosse game, but other D-bags. Lamest sport ever. The part about the date rape is probably true.

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    1. You are 100% stupid.

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    2. I can't believe you compared lacrosse to field hockey. I mean, it's field hockey. the third dumbest sport in existence (still behind Cricket and Curling).
      Why on earth would you compare it to hockey? It's a completely different sport, with completely different origins. Not gonna bash real hockey though; that shit's crazy.
      Erm, D-bag lacrosse teams? First of all, it's the internet, you're allowed to say douchebag. I have to say, if any teams have a reputation for douchebaggyness, it's football. No skill on any position other than Quarterback, Kicker, or Receiver. Throwing a football's mad hard though.
      I'll have you know that most of the really good college lacrosse teams are mostly comprised of private schools, most of which are religious, and 90% of religions don't look highly upon rape. Just sayin.
      Also, lacrosse isn't meant to be graceful. You want a more graceful version of lacrosse, try women's lacrosse. No body contact, minimal stick checking, and you can't shoot more than about 40 miles per hour AT MOST.
      Men's Lacrosse: Full body contact allowed, all stick checking except slashing, cross-checking, and purposeful body hits with the stick. All padding is optional besides helmets, gloves, and mouth guards. With Men's Lax, you can get shots in at over 80 Miles Per Hour. Try being a goalie and blocking one of those. Lax takes serious skill, for both Men's and Women's (women's mainly because of their ridiculous rules).
      Source: Men's Lacrosse Defensemen at PJPIIHS

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  3. Note to all D-Bags who agree with this one sided opinion by a bunch of fat fucks that had nothing better to do with there time than rip on sports they know absolutely nothing about. Lacrosse is the fastest sport on 2 feet out of any other sport in the world, including soccer and football. If anyone of you every tried to play this sport your opinion may change. the ultimate lax bro thing is stupid, i will give you that. and the rape thing about duke is completely false, one of the players accused wasn't even at the party that night! and i bet the guy who wrote this couldn't get ass if he were a fucking toilet seat. so get your head outta your ass, lacrosse is a nasty sport.

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    1. Bro, track is the fastest.

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    2. He has a point.
      Lax is the fastest contact sport, with the exception of hockey, but you get skates for hockey.

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  4. Hey fucktards,
    Lacrosse is the most faggoty game that has ever been. The only other sport that even compares to the idiocy on display at a lacrosse field is dog fighting. go fuck yourselves for taking this blog seriously and while you are popping your zits and thinking about some fat chick from math class, give a second to the idea that when you graduate from where ever bullshit state school you go to, the rest of your life will be spent as a real estate agent or a pest control specialist coming home to take care of your ugly gay kids and terribly obese wife and watch whatever other ridiculous olympic sports you wish you could still play.

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    1. LOL! Awesome you posted the TRUTH!!!

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    2. Hell ya tell those bitches

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    3. May I ask if you have ever even played a sport? I play lacrosse and football and ill tell you right now that any immature misconceptions you have about lacrosse are falls ( except for Duke players being rapists )

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  5. Your a fucking retard football is played on almost same size field and they wear pads so does that make football a gay sport too? If you wanna go play a sport on a mile long field go ahead cause your dumbass will be the only one playing. Football players also used to not wear pads, so are they also pussies? Big Ben is a rapist and Lawernce Taylor had sex with a 16 year old. Obviously youre a fucking idiot and have no clue what youre talking about so you should probably just delete this. Fucking idiot.

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  6. Hey this guy is obviously just writing this to get us laxers pissed off. don't worry about him we know we play the best damn game in the world. Besides i play goalie and only use my stick, chest protector, helmet and gloves so don't call me a pussy with no balls i step in front of 85 mph shots every game I'd like to see you do that. This guy probably tried playing lacrosse but then he figured out that you need to have coordination and be smart (by the way i'm also a straight A student in honor classes)so he just went home back to his wacking off and codding so good night i rest my case.

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    1. I am actually laughing my ass off that you referred to lacrosse players as "smart". I have played every sport possible tennis, soccer, football, and basketball. I picked up lacrosse during 5th grade and played on a team with my friends that had been playing for years already and I was probably top five best players on the team. Lacrosse doesn't take nearly as much athletic ability as other sports like soccer, basketball, and football. Its by far the easiest sport to pick up and definitely the easiest sport to go to college for. Its not an accomplishment to go to college for lacrosse, in fact its fucking retarded. I personally think basketball is the most physically straining sport and most athletic. I am a select soccer player and my honest opinion is that basketball is the most athletic. Lacrosse is definitely not close.

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    2. Would you please not judge a sport based upon your experience in 5th grade, where most body contact is illegal? Try being surrounded by guys with 6 foot poles jabbing at you, and take a shot at a goal with a fat dude with a satellite-sized stick trying to block your shot.
      Lacrosse is most definitely the most war-like sport other than rugby. Rugby's fuckin crazy.

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    3. Baseball players get in front of 90+ mph

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  7. Lacrosse players in most schools are entitled jerks. They play this sport because they can't play anything else.

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  8. I agree...Lacrosse lacks fluidity and is homosexual in nature. Cool you got your shafts and your balls and deep pockets to catch each others balls. You all just love to throw and catch is really what it comes down to. But more seriously...I played lacrosse for 3 years and I hated it the more I played it. Everyone thinks they are amazing...they all just wanna rip side arm shots and think they are the shit because they hit each other making them hard. There are a lot of contact sports out there...Lacrosse is no more badass than any other sport...In summary it's a sport for people who aren't good enough at more prominent sports or for those that just love the "bro" sweat and want to be like all their lax buddies...aka "tools"

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    1. If you hate lacrosse then why in the hell did you play for three fucking years?

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  9. Lacrosse was adopted by rich white folks after integration made them realize they could no longer be good at sports. Now they no longer have to get dirty interacting with poor and minority kids but can hang out with their incompetent bros who could not make it in the big money sports.

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    1. u r soooooooooooooooooooooooo wrong

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  10. People play lacrosse because they are unsuccessful in any other sport and just resort to it. They think they're badass because they get to run around with metal stick whacking eachother like idiotic fags. Too bad they started playing lacrosse because they realized that they were being put in right field all the time in their little league because they sucked badly.

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  11. Muthufuckin bitches wear armor like they are waiting for a muthufuckin bitches are probably fat retards who want to lose weight by playing freakin lacrosse!July 18, 2012 at 6:18 PM

    This retarded muthufuckin sport is only for sweaty FAT retards who want to lose muthufuckin weight. They are probably retarded at other. GIVE OF BITCHES! The sport is ruining my muthufuckin life! MY SOCIAL LIFE IS IN STAKE!

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    1. Hell ya these niggaz can play all they want! They KNOW they are retards

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    2. I'm pretty sure if you google lacrosse players (oh like Paul Rabil), they aren't the ones worried about losing weight...

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  12. Wow just some because some people that play lacrosse are jerks doesn't mean all of us lax players are i personally like lacrosse though i can see were some people are right about some lax players are kinda dicks

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  13. Lacrosse is for the unathletic kids who got cut from the other sports, so they want to feel like theyre good at something.
    I wouldn't call it a "fag" sport. The guys who play lacrosse are similar to the douchebags that play hockey.

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    1. No really bud try lacrosse once... You'd be surprised that it takes more physical talent than almost any other sport... And FYI I play 2 other sports... Hockey and football... You can't say shit about lacrosse because u probably got yo balls cut off by some dumbass basketball player...

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  14. just beat the shit out of 2 lacross players yesterday..caught them trying to daterape a homeless old woman...and no..they cant fight...

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    1. Do you even know what date rape means?

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  15. I think everyone is hating in lacrosse because since it has a comparably small playerbase next to football, soccer, etc... most guys who play it are elitist douchebags who think their the shit because they are good at it. But for a lot of people at my school who havnt had the idea of playing ruined by some preppy white kid, they said that theyd be willing to try it out. And I go to a ghetto and mostly minority school in sf, and if everyone who played was as chill as the guys on my football team, I garauntee itd be a lot more popular. Football is still my life tho

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  16. lacrosse is gay

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  17. Wait do u play baseball? Just wondering cuz baseball sucks... You wouldn't last a damn day in lacrosse, you wud be sitting on ur bum after I knock to ass down! Now suck a dick

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  18. Notable Lacrosse Players:
    Jim Brown, Wayne Gretzky, Brendan Shanahan, Doug Gilmour, Cliff Ronning, Joe Sakic, Steve Larmer, Collin Patterson, Tim Hunter, Paul Kariya, Don Cherry, Gary Roberts, Adam Oates, Paul Coffey, and Joe Nieuwendyk, Matt Ogalsby

    Pat Bolen owns the The Outlaws of the MLL - Pat also owns the Broncos of the NFL.

    Bill Belichick

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  19. My cousin died playing lacrosse. Here in New Hampshire high school lacrosse is played by crazy hillbilly mother fuckers who just want to hit someone and hate everyone. The wanna be 'Lax Bros' are the dumbasses that get their cleats shit in. There's one rich sawed off little runt on my team that now one likes, but he's a good player. Rape, pillage and burn...

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  20. im a girl that plays lacrosse and u clearly SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  21. Did you honestly just call it Indialand? What type of uneducated, disrespectful idiot are you? I can't believe you actually said that.

    First off, please learn how to write without using curse words... I promise it'll help... Or else you'll be stuck writing reviews about sports you've probably never played (Oh did I say probably? I meant obviously) on random blogs for the rest of your life. Also, what is with your incessant parentheses?

    Next up.... Just because Duke got in trouble for it doesn't mean that all lacrosse guys are date rapists. That is the most absurd thing I've ever heard. There are thousands of lacrosse players who are the most gentlemanly guys in the world.... and for the record football players get in trouble way more than lax players do. I'm pretty sure that lacrosse players who are date rapists didn't get it from the sport... You should trash parenting next if you really want to find the source of that.

    You wanna know why lacrosse players make it look "so easy"? Because they work their butts off to get good at it. I want to see you make 85mph shots with perfect placement every time.... (Oh and by the way, whoever said that girls lacrosse players shoot around 40mph you are sooo wrong.)

    Before you trash a sport, please play it. It requires so much skill to be really good. People can pick up decent stick skills fairly easy (which is one of the reasons why its the fastest growing sport on the planet), but it takes so much more to learn how to really play (which is why its not the biggest sport on the planet). You have to know precisely when to cut, or pass, or shoot. You have to be able to work angles and you have to have amazing footwork. Ever heard of a thing called LaxIQ? Its the knowledge that experienced, talented players gain about when to pass and when to take it, what foot they should plant when shooting with which hand (and of course they're perfect with both), and so on.

    AND ITS SO FREAKING TOUGH. Lax guys wear pads, and they still break their thumbs, elbows, collarbones, etc. etc.... Often too. I want to see you out on a 110 yard field sprinting back and forth (which is what middies do) to keep up with the ball. You have to sprint, because the ball moves so quickly and if you want to have any chance of getting back to play defense, you have to sprint your butt off. And back to the shooting thing... Try shooting 100mph.... please. And then when your good enough to do that, come back and I'll tell you why so many girls are flocking to you. Because shooting that fast requires a lot of muscle...

    If you want to make comments on how "lacrosse has changed so much since it was created", please take some time to think about every other sport.... Did you know that when football started, there was a fairly high chance that the players would die because they didn't wear any sort of padding? And now they wear more than lacrosse players. Teddy Roosevelt was considering outlawing the sport because so many young boys were dying playing it. DYING. And now look at it. Its still incredibly physically demanding, but its no where near that dangerous.

    (Learn some grammar... its lady's)

    Have you ever been hit by a lacrosse ball? No? Didn't think so. Try it and tell me that you wouldn't want to be wearing pads. Which there aren't that many of... guys lacrosse players wear helmets, gloves, elbow pads, and shoulder/chest pads that stop before their ribs to. Last time I checked football players had padded pants... Oh, and you want to know how many pads girls players wear? None.

    Yes, I will admit it. I'm a girl. I play lacrosse. I'm dating a lacrosse player. I am friends with tons of lacrosse players. So I may be biased. I'm not saying that there aren't "lax bros" who are idiots and make stupid choices, but please, before you make the claim that "all guys lacrosse players are date rapists", actually meet a few. Its like saying that all bloggers are idiots who don't know how to write.

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  22. I like your blog on this topic is well-written and original. Your information is really interesting to all readers. Hope you continue to keep up with this blog and will provide us some more information like this.Lacrosse Goggles.

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  23. Football is obviously a more contact sport. I mean, the object of the game is to hit people. Their is a reason why people don't watch lacrosse on TV, if their even is a Channel for lacrosse.

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  24. "If you like Lacrosse, than you are dumb." *then. Hahaha I had to stop reading this article at that point.

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