Friday, April 23, 2010
Neil LaBute's Commentary on Time Out Chicago's Review of "The Taming of The Shrew" at Chicago Shakespeare Theatre (person review)
Just take a look at this fat fuck.
Look at this homeless Bruce Vilanch.
Then read Caitlin Parrish's honest review of "Shrew" and his throw-away bullshit that frames the play. Then read his comments.
Even if this is the real Neil LaBute (director of Death at a Funeral and The Wicker Man), and I have it on good authority from my friends Elmo and Oscar the Grouch that it is, are we really fucking shocked that this huge bastard is pecking away at his iPhone in the middle of the night in between coke binges and jerking off to Aaron Eckhart's mighty visage?
He smells like leftover teriaki wings from last weeks Bulls game and the Jarvis red line stop. He stopped shaving because razors are afraid of him. Imagine coming across this guy's jungle crotch on ChatRoulette at 2am. By the way, I don't have to. Horrifying.
But...you know what...he is absolutely right. The only reason to do theater is for really big money. I mean, the arts in this country are paying huge right now...so grab that gold ring! Neil LaBute is just saying what's on all of our minds. I'm just gonna go with the newly patented LaBute comment system. Here's a sample exchange of something I would say to a horrible "critic":
Caitlin, Kris, John Beer, Nina Metz, etc.: Eric Roach is a terrible art person! He says stupid ass and his face is a fart! I wouldn't let him near any art endeavors because he ruins all things!
Me: Fuck you! I'm rich! What the fuck are you assholes talking about from the free Wi-Fi at OfficeMax?! I won the game, go eat some goat shit! Now excuse me, I have to go watch Tracy Morgan fuck three thousand-dollar-an-hour hookers while I eat a porterhouse and talk shit about Ethan Hawke behind his back! Critics are dumb-dumbs!
See how I handily won that exchange? It's like I've been Neil LaBute my whole life, sans the cutting on my inner thighs. In other words, Neil LaBute is a modern hero and is out there sticking it to the man. Who happens to be a woman, writing about theater, in Chicago, for no money.
May I say on everyone's behalf, Mr. LaBute, you are an inspiration and a golden god. Thanks for taking the high road.
-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer