At once, I realize that this review is wonderfully written. They don't just hand Time Out Head Editor-ships to dyslexic abberations in this town, and Kris Vire is NO abberation. He's also very cute and really nice. He's even been nice to me personally once!
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Kris goes on and on about how good this show is and how David Cromer has some "ballsy" moves. OK. I think I know where this is going, Herr Vire. Balls? Moves?
But, this is about the review and how well it's structured...NOT about Kris Vire's attraction to David Cromer. I've got to keep on point...I've had a lot of coffee and sausage this morning and the blood is REALLY pumping and I kind of want to pop this shirt off and talk in "It's Always Sunny" quotes all day. One rock of crack, please. Thank you for being so...so kind.
FOCUS. So, Vire starts by quoting the play. Pedantic, but useful...he makes you want to see it with this technique because it's a pretty good line. He also compares the show to an express train...but then says that it makes stops. Express trains don't make too many stops, Kris. Strike one.
Now let's look at some of the descriptive words Kris uses...you tell me what's on his mind:
David Cromer bursts with concepts
David Cromer's desire
This is getting embarrassing. Kris lays it on thick when talking about how great this show is...which it IS, I mean this is not really a show but more of a revolution in American and World theatre, and we're all lucky to be this close to it. But, and believe me I hate to be the guy who has to do this, David Cromer isn't gay.
Kris, someday you are gonna meet a nice boy, and settle down, and go to Pride, and have fun drinking wine over a really great meal at Ante Prima with your straight couple friends, but David Cromer is just not the guy for you. He does look really distinguished, with those silver fox temples and his biz super-casual wear...but you've just got to stop doing things like this in public.
I know you like Cherrywood, and it's a really good review. But, please...let's try to keep it above the belt next time. I don't need Matt Hawkins feeling awkward towards you when he sees you at Long Room.
Kris Vire's David Cromer's Cherrywood Review
-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer