My World Cup runneth over…with Poop! (Sports Review by Anthony Tournis)
This A-GASM is going to be short and to the point, because talking about shitty sports makes me angry! It’s that time again. Once every 4 years every country in the world gets together to suck ass and bore the living shit out of us in the US of A (love it or leave it (unless you are Mexican than just leave it(aliens (Fox News don’t lie (Fox News: YYYEEEEEEEE---HHHHHHHAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW!!!))))). Who plays soccer? Dumb asses. Dumb asses from other countries (why are they from other countries? (because they aren’t smart enough to be born in America (USA! USA! USA!))). Here are a bunch of European Nancy Pants that think that kicking a ball around is fun. MORONS!!! Everyone tells me ”Oh it’s such an awesome sport, and it’s so physical.” BULLSHIT! Running isn’t physical . It’s dumb. That is why people have cars (they might not have cars in Europe yet, I didn’t check (if they did they would probably run on cheese and shame)). No one I know watches soccer (or as I call it ‘football for queers’ (I’m sorry to all those who are offended by me associating gays with Soccer (it’s unfair to the gays))) Who watches World Cup Soccer? Lame ass losers who act all cultured because they like books and sucky ass sports. These are people who act all cool because they care about all the other shitty countries (and by other I mean EVERY country that isn’t AMERICA (LAND OF THE FREE!)) that are playing in the dumb ass World Cup. I don’t care what Ghana is doing (why should I care? (those bastards gave us Ghanarhea! (Thanks for making it hurt when I pee, Africans!))) as long as they do it the hell away from us!
I will say that there is one good part of the World Cup. It’s the Americans (NUMBER 1!!!). We are gracious enough to indulge these freakin’ wastes of skin and play along with the inferior countries (Because we are AmeriCANS, not AmeriCAN’TS). That is why we are awesome! We help people below us by playing dumb ass soccer.You are welcome…EARTH!!! In conclusion, soccer and the World cup is like kissing your sister: It can only end with grass stains and someone slipping one past the goalie.