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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Stage Managers Who Hate Theatre (person review)

Oh my goodness.

Please click the link above (UPDATE: above link no longer exists) to read a review of Cherrywood, directed by David Cromer. By the way, this review was written about 2 weeks before anyone in America has even seen the production.

This review was written by one Prawn Milson, Sage Manger for the Clown tour and grocery clerk at your local Aldi.

Now, Prawn...jeez I don't even really know what to say here. I mean, I suppose I could rake you over the coals for your spelling and grammar skills (replacing the word "feat" with "feet" was a classic blunder...even fucking Balzac made that mistake) or your sub-e.e. cummings non-capitalization of words.

I guess I could verbally rape you for attacking the Mary Arrchie, a company that consistently does great work, even if their space kind of smells like the Hawks locker room after Kane just banged three groupies bent over the Cup. Or your incessant need to call actors "schmactors" and your insane generalization of storefront theatre as "shitty."

Listen Prawn, I hate most actors too. I mean, they're guilty of crazed acts of narcissism and usually so insecure you need a copy of Psych 101 just to have a cogent conversation with them. But, you're IN this business...couldn't you try to come up with some nice things to say about it? We are all in the same boat, and those shitty storefront actors are my friends, and so many of them are geniuses.

I'm also certain that you had no clue that anyone would read your blog about this particular topic. Your blog seems like a semi-private place for you to write about what's going on in your life and what not. Nothing wrong with that. Seems a bit narcissistic to me, but what the hell do I know...I'm a shitty storefront actor.

But, I'm afraid Reviews You Can Iews has to teach you a lesson about the Internet. See, what you write on a public blog can be read. By everyone. Friends, enemies, strangers. And what's more...it is saved forever in the great Borg-like interweb hive consciousness.

So, I'm to go ahead and give you a couple of grades. The first grade is going to treat your blog like the hateful, spiteful, evil writings of a 24 year old who seems pretty bitter about theatre, even as she attempts to make a living from it.

The second grade is for you attempting to make a joke and get attention. Maybe, jussssst maybe...you were trying to have some fun and give your friends something to laugh at. Could it be you are just, in the parlance of our times, TROLLING? I'll go ahead and give you a grade for that possibility, because I don't want my order fucked up at Aldi.

Evil, hateful blog: A+.
Trolling, joke blog: D-.

Good luck. Cherrywood forever.

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer