Hey all! Eric & Andy here with some homework for our loyal Iews fans!
Andy
Andy
Things are pretty busy back at the office after the Holidays. Getting back to the grind!
Eric
Eric
Speaking of MURDER, let's get to it.
Eric
Eric
It'll be really simple to do, and we'll even give you some pointers on how not to get caught. Let's be honest, there are a ton of murders in this city and the police are actually WAY backed up. It's not like SVU is for real...no one ever really gets caught. Most cops didn't go to college, yo! They're pretty busy too!
Andy
Who's our first unlucky murder victim, Eric?
Eric
Andy
Who's our first unlucky murder victim, Eric?
Eric
Well, there's a real dirtbag who bartends at the Liar's Club on Fullerton. I don't know his name, but seriously...what a prick.
Andy
Andy
He has brown or blond hair and maybe has an earring or maybe not. I can't remember. He was sort of tall, right?
Eric
Eric
He wears T-shirts usually, but sometimes he wears button down shirts and shoes.
Eric
Eric
I remember him in jeans once!
Andy
Andy
Anyway, he really fucked us over one time. We were there mackin' on some chicks and just getting our swerve on, and this dude told me that my credit card was declined.
Eric
Eric
I was about to hand him some cash quick-like, in order to impress these shawties with my roll, and he started making a scene. Like we weren't gonna pay him or some such nonsense. You know what they call that on the streets? COCKBLOCKING.
Andy
Andy
So then, he tries to throw Eric out for kissing his wife or some shit.
Eric
Eric
Stepping to me. I mean...STEPPING. I kept cool though.
Andy
Andy
So now you know why he needs to be murdered. Let's tell you where to find him.
Eric
Eric
Now, we can NOT stress this strongly enough, but do NOT hurt anyone else while you are murdering this guy. I wanna say his name is Ben or Doug.
Eric
Eric
Once you do this, be sure to bury him properly, you do NOT want this coming back to you. Now we will do our part to protect you, but we can only do so much because we are busy. As we said earlier.
Eric
Eric
Oh, and when you get the job done, contact us and we've got a lovely gift for you: Night Court Season One on DVD! Think about all those laughs!
Andy
Andy
5. There are some great burial spots out on River Road by the Hala Kahiki tiki bar.
Please murder this person for us! Stay tuned next week when we ask you to murder the lady who works at the Jarvis Red Line stop!
Eric
Eric
Oh, god, does she deserve a heaping helping of stabs.
No comments:
Post a Comment