After a long awaited season of having no reason to get out of bed in the morning, last night marked the end of my hibernation and the reawakening of my sex life with Jon Hamm and Christina Hendricks threesome fantasies.
Sunday Night. 9pm. AMC. It’s like the Superbowl for geeks who love character development. I went to my friend’s and fellow-company member’s apartment for the viewing party. There were cupcakes, and beer, and the only rule was NO TALKING.
We started the DVR at 9:20 so we could fast forward through the limited commercial interruptions and get right to the action. The show began with the question WHO IS DON DRAPER, and we’re already in a whirlwind of what the hell this situation is that Don, the man of a thousand (two) faces, has gotten himself into, and how he’s going to get himself out.
A year has passed since the last episode of Season 3. Now the former ad execs of Sterling Cooper have created their own firm, Sterling Cooper Draper Price. For Harry Potter fans out there, it’s like The Order of The Phoenix, but in a gorgeously designed office, and a lot of extramarital affairs. (See also: Don’s Whore). Seriously, we’ve been all expecting this season to take place out of the hotel room where they previously resided. But nope. The long West Wing-esque shot into the new mod 1960s office was every interior designer’s wet dream.
Don’s a single man, ladies, he and Betty have FINALLY divorced, and she’s now getting dirty in the backs of cars with Old Balls Henry. Gross. She deserves it. And honestly, I suspect this whole storyline is punishment to January Jones for being a fucking train-wreck on screen. Now she has to be in horrendously awkward sex scenes with Old Balls Henry and not my boyfriend Don Draper (eat it Jones). Though I don’t want to see OBH on screen any longer than Betty is, OBH’s largess motherbeast will be a real treat for the remainder of the season. I hope we see her often. Sally Draper is continuously hating on Betty (as she should), and Bobby is adorable as always. Gene Draper, the 1-year old has yet to be seen. But knowing Betty (mother of the year) she’s probably just left the kid at the grocery store.
This is Old Balls Henry, aka OBH
Don has moved into an incredible apartment in NYC, with a hysterical Brooklyn Maid. (Did the kitchen in his apartment have the same wallpaper as the kitchen in his house?) Don has moved onto a new life of being a Bachelor, which apparently means hiring sweaty prostitutes to come get on top and smack him in the face on Thanksgiving Day (thank you AMC). I don’t think this new character has a name, so for the purposes of our readers, we’ll just refer to her as Don’s Whore. I expect several more appearances. And I’m just glad he’s not sleeping with Boring McSchoolTeacher anymore.
Don’s started dating some actress. Friend of Jane (puke) Sterling. Looks just like Betty Draper. Is also on True Blood. Might be retarded. It would seem Don has a trend of dating blondes who can’t give a line reading to save their life. And on top of that, she turns him down for sex on the first date. He’ll be back for more. Don doesn’t take no for an answer (see also: Don’s Whore). All in all, she’s no Rachel Menken, but really, WHO IS.
What else has season 4 brought us? Pete Campbell has not changed, and remains adorable (re: “Ho ho!” For those who saw the episode). Sterling’s still married to Jane (Puke) Sterling, and NOT doing Joanie (sigh). Joanie is back working as the head of the office girls, and looking incredible as always. The panel (my friends) suspects a hookup with Don sometime this season, at which point the world will end. Her rapist husband is still in the military I assume. Peggy has a new haircut, a new beau (gay?), and new office beau (HOT), some great new outfits, is getting into trouble with Pete, and is basically living out the dreams we have all had for her since the first season. It’s really promising. Maybe a rekindled romance with Pete? We can only pray. Pray that she’s not sleeping with Duck "I want to take you in that bedroom, lock the door, take your clothes off with my teeth, throw you on the bed, and give you a go-around like you’ve never had” Phillips.
The episode ends with basically Don whipping his D out to the Wall Street Journal, kicking ass, and taking names. Basically it’s a great kickoff to the new season.
Mary’s rating of the Season 4 Premiere: A-
Car sex scene with Old Balls Henry: D