We gave America 5 hours to come up with essays. The winning essay writers would accompany us and our loyal and great friends and fans to Eric and Andy's Night at the Theater tomorrow night at Chicago Shakespeare Theater on Navy Pier. There will be drinks and food and theatre and conversation with the actors.
Well, unfortunately, America has let us down again. Just like during the Olympics.
We only received 5 entries, 3 of which were absolutely terrible and did not plead their case at all. The other two were also pretty bad, but at least showed some sort of basic use of the English language and were not belligerent or hate-filled.
Your winning two essayists are
Heath Hayes with :
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Eric and Andy are the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
They are my ladies, O, they are my loves!
O, that they knew they were!
They speak yet they say nothing: what of that?
Eric and Andy's eyes discourse; I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me they speak:
Four of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat Eric and Andy's eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if their eyes were there, they in their heads?
The brightness of their cheeks would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; Eric and Andy's eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See, how Eric and Andy lean Eric and Andy's cheeks upon Eric and Andy's hands!
O, that I were a gloves upon Eric and Andy's hands,
That I might touch Eric and Andy's cheeks!
Not bad Heath! See you at the Pier at 5:30 for drinks and dancing!
Next winner was Erin Barlow with a strange sort of plea:
I want to win.
You guys are funny. You're also really, really attractive.
I want to win.
You're both, also, like, blessed with seductive eyes.
I want to win, and I'm at work, and I don't have much time to be clever.
But you're both my heroes. Really.
I'd like to win. I make great company. And you guys make great arm candy.
What a great pair to take with us!
See you all tomorrow night!!
-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach