Sometimes, things just happen. Like today, I was on the train and I looked at an attractive lady. This caused the lady to put on sunglasses, which caused me to bump into the guy next to me. He then threatened to cut off my hand, which caused me to pee-pee. And so on, and so on, until a building collapsed in Kuala Lumpur at 9:38 this morning killing 673 people.
Scientists and stand-up comedians call this the Chaos Theory. This theory is weird, because there's almost no way to prove it really exists which I guess is why it's the Chaos THEORY and not the Chaos FUCKING A RIGHT. I don't understand all the numbers associated with this theory, I'll leave that to the Japanese. But understand this: I don't like this theory. Chaos is good in small doses, like keg parties or all night nurse orgies at St. Frances Hospital or sock drawers (I never know what I'm gonna find, am I right, ladies?). But a whole world filled with chaos? Must I really live here? It's like someone woke up (someone = God) one morning and said "Hey man...you know what would be great? If no one knew anything for sure about anything!" And then He just did that.
God is a motherfucking jerkass.
-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer