Monday, August 24, 2009

Larry the Cable Guy (comic genius)

Do you know who Dan Whitney is? Of course you don't, that dude is a loser. But you sure as fuck know who Larry the Cable Guy is! Larry is not a real cable guy, because real cable guys aren't as funny as he is and they always keep me waiting. Not Larry...he brings the humor that I enjoy within the prescribed window of time (8 to noon or noon to 4).

There are comedians out there who play with words...not Larry, he obliterates words. Have you heard his "catch phrases"? They are part of the American vernacular now, what with millions of Southerners and people who want to be Southerners always wanting me to GIT-R-DONE! I will do just that, people imitating Larry the Cable Guy!

"That was scarier than Richard Simmons chasin' after you with a box of rubbers!" exclaims Larry in one of his postmodern routines. See, no one has the inclination to actually be a homophobe or a racist anymore, instead we like our bigotry and hatred of gays to come from characters who speak their minds and won't let the man get them down! In fact, the man sells most of Larry's comedy output, because he makes most of his money from Wal-Mart and pontoon boat docks.

Anyways, look up "Poop Lasagna" on his latest album Morning Constitutions. You'll never have to worry about something being funny again, because Larry is there to install it in your tv of hilariousness!


-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer


  1. I first met Dan/Larry at the kick-off party for "Witless Protection" in which he'd given me a small but immensely fun part (Elmer, the crazy dude in the barn).

    He was down to earth, decent, polite, unpretentious, respectful. He wasn't "on" like many comics tend to be in large groups. He was just Dan Whitney, himself.

    He told a group of us, mostly admiring women, that he wrote a story every night; no particular subject, just a story. He'd start off; and, after awhile, he'd find he'd written a joke into it,often several by the time he'd finished.

    He'd copy it out and file it. At the end of a year's worth of stories he'd have quite a good sized arsonal of jokes for his routines -which propelled him to be one of the top ten earning comics in America.

    I'd work with him anytime any place, he was such a charming and interesting person...on and off the set.

  2. I apologize for my friend Eric. I told him on numerous occasions not to write hateful things about Dan Whitney OR Larry the Cable Guy. He has always been such a prolific hero of mine, and that story about stories is just another bullet in my arguement gun as to why he isn't a terrible comic and appeals only to the people in this country that stand up and act like fools at town hall meetings. GIT-R-DONE? More like, GIT-ERIC-DONE-WITH-BEING-A-JERK.