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Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Ethnic Foods (Food)

"In most dishes in Chinese cuisine, food is prepared in bite-sized pieces, ready for direct picking up and eating. In traditional Chinese cultures, chopsticks are used at the table." States an article about Chinese food.
Well, that's funny, because when I get Chinese food in the great state of Illinois, I can't pick anything up unless I want to burn myself. So what does this mean? It means that Chinese food in China is always cold.
EXCUSE US FOR MAKING YOUR FOOD BETTER, CHINA.
Now, this is a bad example, and let me try again.
When I think of ethnic food, I think of Mexican food with tacos, chili things and sauce packets with funny messages on it. But if I ONLY thought of those things, I wouldn't be truthful to you or me.
Listen, we all love things with rice, chorizo, General Tzo, or grape leaves, but when we think about those things, we are blocking ourselves from looking at the really, really nasty things there are to eat out there.
For example, did you know in Pakistan that a piece of garbage covered in a top hat is an officially sanctioned dish?
It's called English Pie.
There is no pie involved at all.
Speaking of England, what about Stargazy pie? That's gross, too.
In Egypt they eat their own hands, and in Kenya they like Dominoes Pizza.
So to simply review Ethnic Foods based on Maple Syrup, Mozzarella Sticks, and Fried Chicken would be irresponsible.
Do you know why poor people like cheeseburgers? It's because everybody likes cheeseburgers. THAT'S what America does. We make things that everyone on this planet likes, and if we didn't make it, we will take credit for it. Did you know that Freedom fries used to be called French fries?!
FRENCH FRIES!!?
YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!
My girlfriend told me that as a joke while she had our freedom tickler up my America hole.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, Ethiopia, I'll give you a call when I don't wanna eat for a month and then cover a goat in cinnamon.
But for now, I'll stick to this Angry Whopper and my Muscle Milk.
Ethnic Foods: C-
-Anderson Lawfer, Eric Roach

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