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Saturday, August 15, 2009

The Ten Commandments (God Week rules)

OK, so here's the Ten Commandments. These rules from God were brought down from Moses when all the Jews were worshipping a gold cow and having orgies and smoking weed and really having a lot of fun. Here comes Moses to ruin it all!

These rules are pretty dumb:

1. You shall not worship any other god but me.

But what if I want to worship my shoes? My shoes do a lot for me and work really hard. Can't I worship God and my shoes? This one makes no sense.

2. You shall not make a graven image.

Of who, God? No problem...can't see him. But, what about Jesus on the cross at churches and shit? BLAM, got ya God!

3. You shall not take the name of God in vain.

I really really hurt myself though. So, invalid. That shit slips out when you cut yourself on a tuna fish can.

4. You shall not break the Sabbath.

What about Black Sabbath? They're still touring, America. YOU CAN'T BREAK THEM UP.

5. You shall not dishonor your parents.

Fuck your parents.

6. You shall not murder.

Murder your parents. Two birds, one stone and all that jazz. Jizz.

7. You shall not commit adultery.

I think this is getting really stupid. There are some HOT chicks out there.

8. You shall not steal.

Unless you can get away with it. Yoink! Free lighter!

9. You shall not commit perjury.

Now...huh? This is really on this list? Fine, he DIDN'T kill the clerk, he just took the money.

10. You shall not covet.

I covet all the time. Strike me dead.

These rules are a waste of time. They are also repetetive. I suggest How To Win Friends and Influence People. At least those rules make sense in this crazy modern world.

D.

-Eric Roach, Anderson Lawfer

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